I have 3 great kids, but my oldest son hasn't spoken to me in several years and has not acknowledged the recent death of his stepfather (my ex husband) that I have been caring for for the last ten years. My other two children have helping me in so many ways.
It's your money, so you have an absolute right to do what you want with it. It seems like you want to leave your money to the children who actually speak to you. If so, just make sure the will is written by a lawyer. The will needs to name the son as your son and then specifically say that you are leaving nothing or less to that person. This makes it clear that you didn't accidentally forget his existence. Putting a reason in there may be helpful legally. You may want to write a letter to be given to the son upon your death expressing your reasons. What is the relationship between this son and the two other children? Does he speak to them? I'm sure he will be upset if he is left out of the will. The more money there is, the more upset he will be. If he doesn't have a relationship with his siblings now, it will be easier on them to deal with his upset.
Financial accounts, including retirement accounts and life insurance policies as well as bank accounts, can (and should) have named beneficiaries or PODs (Pay on Death).
In my state, vehicles can be titled with a named Transfer on Death owner. The title reads "Owner TOD Favorite Daughter" for example. Real Estate the same--the TOD is named on the deed. These processes are pretty inexpensive to implement and have many advantages over a will:
1) The assets pass outside of probate, so no one has to know how much you left to whom, and there is no probate fee for these transferred assets.
2) You have unrestricted use and complete control of the assets until you die, so you don't run out of money you might need just because you gave things away.
3) It's fairly easy to transfer money between accounts and/or change PODs and even TODs, so if you change your mind because circumstances change, you dont have to prepare a new will.
4) The asset basis to your heirs is stepped up to value at your death, which is very important for tax purposes.
5) Once you've named your helpful children as beneficiaries and TODs as you have chosen, your will can say that everything else is divided equally. So, no reason for Rev Out of Sight to feel slighted by your will distribution. And his siblings can--or not--tell him whatever they want about what they got.
My husband is leaving more assets to his son because he's a single dad with no retirement account while the daughter has a husband to help her and her own pension and retirement.
It's your choice. You may want to discuss it with the helpful ones, and name one of them as your Executor. You can explain your reasons to them now, or leave them a letter of explanation outside of the will.
I am emotional support for my mom, tho she lives out of town. She has a son who is there for her but morally not on the same page. My brother who should be helping her has a wife with “issues” who prevents him from helping much.
My hubby’s side of the family is a whole mother ball of wax.
My take is this—if you favor one child in your will, you set your kids up for resentment and ill will after you are gone. My husband is on disability and we could use it but I DO NOT want more as it will affect family relations. So not worth it.
instead, my mom does things for us now, which we appreciateand which help us out. That’s how she shows her appreciation. And our relationship is worth more than gold. I do it for the love and not the money. We will get a decent inheritance so the amount doesn’t count. It’s doing the right thing. Let God be the judge.
Reward the ones who help you when you’re alive and leave equal shares shares when you’re gone so they stay family because is ‘t That more Important?
Ps. My dad was a probate attorney and that was also his advice. Revenge from beyond the grave is pointless. Speak to them now.
she also had nothing much to split over. the daugher was really, really mad and took it on on my husband.
like you were a good mother.