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For years....don't forget if you're not healthy your not going to be able to care for anyone.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jun 17, 2024
So true!
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I did and I regret it. It took me almost a year to recover my health because I put myself second (or third I'm not sure).
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Reply to NYDaughterInLaw
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NeedHelpWithMom Jun 17, 2024
Raising my hand along with you, NY.

Live and learn, right? Hindsight is 20/20!
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I have long been a proponent of the idea that if you don't take care of yourself - no matter how critical you are to other people- at some point - your body will take your options away from you. In other words "put on your oxygen mask before you put on anyone else's".

My SIL put off necessary surgery while caregiving for my FIL. Against ALL of our wishes mind you - and by the time she was able to start considering her own surgery - she had overcompensated with the other limb so much that she needs surgery on BOTH!

If there is an emergency situation - the staff are trained in how to handle it. You might be surprised how many people are in facilities with NO family nearby to visit. You have taken care of them for 5 years and and now they are somewhere safe where you can take the time to minister to your own needs. Don't let your own health get any worse.

I told my SIL if she didn't do something soon she was going to be the one that n needed a caregiver.
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Reply to BlueEyedGirl94
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Thank you for your reply; very helpful and greatly appreciated.
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Reply to Sigh123
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AlvaDeer Jun 17, 2024
Thanks for being responsive to us. So few return to say a word. We appreciate. It makes you REAL.
I surely wish you good luck. Hope you'll update us.
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One of the reasons our LO’s end up in facilities is because we have health issues of our own to address.

Get your foot fixed !
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Reply to waytomisery
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Sigh123 Jun 17, 2024
Thank you for your reply; very helpful and greatly appreciated
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You've established your course of going to this nursing home to see this relative, and you're uber-responsible, and your decision to keep running up there was made at another time in a different situation, and you can't can't CAN'T stop doing it because what kind of person would you be if SOMETHING HAPPENS?! Usually nothing will happen. And if it does happen, it's a nursing home, for heaven's sake.
They are trained professionals who know how to deal with falls, insects in ears, residents who crawl under the bed and others who forget how to put on their socks. What on earth could HAPPEN that you and your recently operated foot would have to do? Or even should do?

Take care of yourself. During your recuperation, you can call the nursing home every fifteen minutes or so if it would make you feel better, but they'd probably beg you to stop. THEY'VE GOT THIS, so you don't have to.

You're welcome.
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MargaretMcKen Jun 16, 2024
Love it, especially the sock confusion!
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The NH can handle an emergency. Your relative has everything they need and is safe. Get your surgery done. Inform the DON you will not be able to drive for at least 2 months. If relative is hospitalized, then just make sure the hospital has ur contact number.
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Sigh123 Jun 17, 2024
Thank you for your reply; very helpful and greatly appreciated.
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Two months isn't certainly the end of the earth. And you might consider asking a Church member, a friend, or even paying to have transit to see your loved one every few weeks. Would be a break for both of you.

No, in an emergency you would not be able to get there.
This person is care.
In an emergency the care center handles the situation as the POA has dictates it be handled, there are phones, and care is transferred from care center to Hospital to EMS. You are not directly involved and you are not directly needed.
There are phone hookups.

This is life. Emergencies happen all the time. When my brother was in care I was at the other end of the state, access only by plane and covid hit. Life didn't stop. In fact he WAS hospitalized, he did need to go back to his ALF on Hospice and he did die without me there. No matter we were for our lifetimes Hansel and Gretel hand in hand in the dark woods, in the end we COULD NOT BE.
You know who you are. Your loved one knows who he/she is. You both are doing the best you can.
In life we expect the unexpected, or we are in for a whole lot of surprises.

Stop worrying about the future.
Stop putting off care you need.
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Sigh123 Jun 17, 2024
Thank you for your reply; very helpful and greatly appreciated.
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That is why there are telephones! Schedule your own surgery and recovery first, then let the NH know. Let the distant relatives know. They can fly in if there is an actual "emergency." Has there ever been any "emergency" in 5 years?

Seriously, they are in the best place possible, with 24/7 care. So you go 2 months without driving there? What if you were in an accident tomorrow and could never drive again? Then what?

Stop suffering and get it done. Do you have 24/7 nursing care at home now? Get a Home RN scheduled (I have one and love them) and get grocery delivery arranged, etc. Focus on getting and feeling better! Worrying about the relative won't fix your foot. Get everything arranged ahead of time and take that pain away! YOU GOT THIS!
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Sigh123 Jun 17, 2024
Thank you for your reply; very helpful and greatly appreciated.
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What makes your relative more important than yourself? I mean really. Why does this person who now receives 24/7 care come before your own wellbeing and health?
Do you see how ridiculous this all sounds? You would rather live in bad pain with your foot just so you can be available for this relative, in case there is an "emergency situation" instead of getting out of pain and being able to live and enjoy your life without pain.
I'm sorry but that is messed up. You sadly and obviously don't think much of yourself now do you?

While I was caring for my late husband at home, I ended up having to have 7 surgeries in 7 years(between 2011-2018), including a total hip replacement, and while my daughter did stay with us for 10 days after my hip replacement, she then had to return to her own family and I was on my own to care for my husband and myself all by myself.
And by 2018 my husband had taken a definite turn for the worse. In fact 2 weeks after my hip replacement surgery he ended up in the hospital for 10 days and because I couldn't drive yet, and was walking slower than normal, I had to have friends and neighbors drive me to the hospital so I could be with him.
We do what we have to for those we love, but that love has to be for ourselves as well.

So please get that foot taken care of sooner than later, and if need be you can always call an Uber if you feel you need to get to the nursing home for an "emergency."
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Sigh123 Jun 17, 2024
Thank you for your reply; very helpful and greatly appreciated.
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Yes! My mother (dementia) had fits when *I* was referred to an ortho surgeon for a knee injury because *her* knees were so vastly worse than mine. (they were fine) How dare I take an appt that was clearly more appropriate for her!

Then I came to my senses and saw the surgeon.

Seriously, take care of your own health! The relative in the home has his/her needs being met.

I cringe when you say you have foot pain. A friend ignored his and just had it amputated due to post-injury osteomyelitis. Sure, you might not be able to drive to the home in an emergency. Or you may become the emergency.
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Sigh123 Jun 17, 2024
Thank you for your reply; very helpful and greatly appreciated.
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"I am concerned I would not be able to get to the nursing home if there were an emergency situation." If there is an emergency the nursing home can handle it. Get your surgery. The longer you wait the worse your foot will get. Are you trying to wait until this relative dies before you get your surgery? That could be years from now.
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Reply to sp196902
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Sigh123 Jun 17, 2024
Thank you for your reply; very helpful and greatly appreciated.
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