My mother has lived by herself for 7 1/2 years since my father died. My husband and I are her caretakers, me with her and my husband does the yard. Plus, we have our own yard and home to take care of. She does nothing. She has been waited on her whole life. First her parents, and then my Dad for 53 years. I think she wore him out. She has been depressed for 70 years. She has been on antidepressants, but stopped taking them about 5 years ago. She has had the Dr. tell her to get some counseling, and went twice, and then said they didn’t know anything, so refused to go anymore. She has always been very critical of me and my husband and has alienated her 6 grandsons with her disposition. She will not shower, or brush her teeth, unless I am right there. So her teeth have gone bad. She will not do dishes, laundry or housekeeping. Nothing to do with the yard but complain. For the past six months, I’ve noticed more of a decline. She has mild dementia, and I think it is getting worse. Two weeks ago, we had her move here with us. But it’s proving too much. I have visited several facilities and found one close to me that is nice. I made the call to have her come live there and she will be going this week. Well, her old personality came roaring through and she told us that she was going to walk out the door and disappear. It made me think I made the right decision by calling the assisted living. She will be in a memory care unit, so she can’t leave. My husband thinks she plays me quite a bit, and I think it’s probably so. There is the dementia there, but her old personality shines on. Has anyone else had to deal with this? Did it work out well? My son has 3 children, who are small. But he doesn’t like to be around her, so I’m also worried about seeing them. I just turned 60 and my husband is 63, with severe neuropathy. We are retired, but haven’t been able to go anywhere since dad died, because I don’t feel good leaving her. Sorry this is so long, I’ve just been tired for years and want a break.
I liked:
"Better question would be if anyone's parent did NOT get mad to move :)"
She is not going to like anything you do. Like said, there are meds that can help. Enjoy what time you have together. She had her time, now its yours. She needs professional care now.
Has she been seen by a psychiatrist? Many ALs and MC units have geriatric psychiatrists who see patients in these facilities. Getting a consult for your mom and having her evaluated for meds might be the kindest thing you can do right now.
Do not engage in her anger. You are getting her what she needs, just not what she wants.
Your mother does belong in MC and you need to get your life back. Do what has to be done but expect a possibly difficult transition for your mom. Ask the facility what they would do if your mom became too difficult.
Stick to the plan you've made, your husband is right.
Sounds like a great plan.
Of course you are being manipulated. That's why she said she would walk out and disappear. That is her choice and if she does pull that stupid stunt it has nothing to do with you, it's all about the levels that she is willing to stoop to to get her own way.
Stay strong and know that you have done the best you could, now it's time for the professionals. No guilt!