Has anyone made the decision to place their spouse in a memory care facility?

Make sure you do your research and place her in Memory Care. A lot if assisted living facilities are now offering all levels of care. My parents facility has a wonderful Memory Care unit. I moved my parents in four years ago and I regularly see some of the regulars on their walks, they do outings etc.

do what you know in your heart is best for her. I know that guilt holds some of us back but you need to keep her safe.

your journey wont be over, you will still be taking care if her but she will be safe.

Newtothis22: She must be placed in a managed care facility for her own safety as she is wandering.

My husband has been in Memory Care for over 2 years and when I first placed him it was heartbreaking. My husband was in adult day care and the nurse there recommended a memory care facility not far from our home. I just knew I couldn't take care of him any longer.
I visit him every day at different times to be sure he is doing well and is clean. I make sure he is shaven since they don't shave him. He walks all night & sleeps during the day. He does ask when he can go home.
I take him to the foot Dr every 6 weeks and then for lunch. He enjoys that. I don't take him out very often because then he asks about going home. It's very sad because I know he can't come home. I wish he could come home; I miss our time together.
I wish you the best in making your decision. It will be hard on you and even harder when you leave her there and go home by yourself.
I'm praying for you and your wife.
God Bless, Roofie

I am one of many who had to make that very difficult decision for my wife, just over a year ago. The decision actually became easier, if you can really call it that, because she was becoming a threat to herself. We and the caregivers I had hired were having a harder and harder time of keeping my wife safe and occupied and physically healthy. We had, long ago,( 4 years earlier) taken her driving privilege and locked all doors a year earlier. She was unaware of were she was, she always wanted to “go home”, and was unaware of me, most of the time (her husband of 53 years, she was 77) . Then she started falling, which if I were you, I would be very careful about, especially if you are allowing your spouse.m to walk outside freely. I only mention my experiences as a possibility of what may be ahead for you, but, remember, everyone is different. When my wife fell, hopefully on a carpet, she did not injure herself, thankfully, but injuries could have been substantial. The lose of motor control by the brain is just one more step in the downward spiral of Alzeheimer’s and other dementia.
Looking back, we, the caregivers, my daughter and I, probably should have attempted to place her in a memory care facility sooner, before she lost her verbal communication ability or started falling. By the time she was placed a year ago, she did not seem to mind, as if, as we told her, she was “going home”. Just remember that such placement is for the good of her, you, and your family. If you have not heard it from others, just remember that the wellbeing of the caregiver, you, is just as important ,if not more so, than the one you are caring for, your spouse.
My wife was in the facility, seemingly contented ( she had lost all emotional expressions) for two months, when she passed away on January 8, 2022. She is safe now. Peter

Your wifes needs have changed and her safety has to be number one. Placing her is probably the best thing for her.

You will no doubt miss her but when it reaches the point where she "disappears" and you have to track her down outside the house, it becomes dangerous. We hired help 24/7 for my uncle for a year and a half but that became so expensive, we couldn't continue. Also, he would escape the minute they turned their back and we'd all end up trying to find him - sometimes for over an hour or more. There seems to be a need to "go" somewhere - anywhere in some dementia patients. It's wearing to try and explain why they can't and trying to keep track every minute. It was painful to move him into a care facility but we found a place that's very caring. We can visit him any day of the week and for at least 12 hours a day, if we want.

Even when you place them in a facility, it takes time for them and you to adjust. Eventually they do and you'll find more peace of mind. And, we can take care of our own needs and responsibilities now, which was becoming more and more of a challenge. Every facility is different so check out several for comparison. Even state run facilities vary.

The thing is, the person you knew all these years is gone. That's the hardest part of the process to accept. We would even think maybe it's temporary and the person we knew would come back and be really angry with us for putting him in care. That doesn't happen.

We had to present it as a "trial" period at first but eventually he came to realize that its permanent. We tell him we're keeping him safe until things get better. COVID played into that nicely. He doesn't always remember what that is but with gentle reminders, he knows its something bad he doesn't want to get so he'll stay put as long as he's "in danger". By the Way, the care facility is so conscientious he didn't get it at all for two years. They caught it quickly when he did and took very good care of him while he recovered. The state has requirements that minimize the possibilities of getting ill and also special care when they do. He was probably safer than we could ever have made him at home.

Yes, there's a community of aged residents and quite a few staff members who rotate throughout the day. He has his favorites having found lunch "buddies" (ladies and gentlemen) and care helpers whose company he's come to enjoy. They have music performance once or twice a week, activities out on the lawn in the summer, day trips here and there and lots of opportunities to interact with others. They have "movie" afternoons, exercise classes, and art classes. He's busy almost all day, every day.

His blood pressure and temperature are taken twice a day. His rooms are cleaned for him and his laundry done and put away.

It's a hard decision to make. There are facilities where I wouldn't want him to be; the quality of care and kinds of other patients are important. But, he's better off - much better off and we have more peace of mind knowing he's not going wandering where anything can happen.

And, there will always be friends and family who think you're awful for placing your loved one in a home. They'll have all kinds of "horror" stories to tell - the facts of which you can't actually check out for yourself. You are not accountable to such individuals. They aren't living every day with the problems you are and so it becomes easy to criticize. Make friends with others who support you and who understand what you're going through.

Placing your wife in a good care facility does not mean you don't love her. Send her cards every day in the beginning. We order special treats like Cheesecake Factory a couple of times per month. We drop off "goodies" like his favorite candy bars once a week. We visit often. He's happy; not perfectly but then, he never was perfectly happy.