Mom lives alone in home and says nighttime care is too expensive. Mom wants to stay in her home with her dog and has been unwilling to have "the conversation" about considering moving to ALF and selling her house. Siblings feel she can make decisions for herself. She has dementia but is not declared of incapacity. She is depressed and lonely most of the time, and says she is ready to die. She allowed me to set up hired care givers to come to fix simple meals or take her to the doctor. I live 8 hours away, visit every month and am POA. She DOES have the money but does not want to spend it on her own care. She thinks it would be hiring someone to sleep in her house and is not rationale about safety concerns. Siblings feel that ALF is out of the question because Mom doesn't want that.
That might be something else to consider, but until it has been Rhonda's mother calls the shots.
I have financial POA. My brother who lives very close has medical POA but is afraid to execute any authority. My mother was determined by psychiatrist within 6 months to still have the capacity to make her own decisions with assistance. Like, what the h*ll does that mean? They don't want to make waves is my best guess!
So, little happens without me other than my mother giving money to my siblings and their children. I cannot stop it because there is no evidence. If I install cameras the money gifting would happen under a table in another room. I am not confident that I could watch 24/7 in order to catch a thief. I have limited resources and time; I am primary care giver for my adult son with disability. I think you are right that it is a waiting game and maybe I am impatient with all the needs from others.On the other hand, I am really ready to slam the phone down and just move her myself and take over her finances. But, I do not have medical POA so how would that play out?
This is really helpful to hear others with similar and different situations. There is no right answer without a crystal ball. Keep your thoughts coming friends; I appreciate it all.
I'll tell you what though. What you can do is add up, and keep records, and perhaps - using neutral terms and keeping your face as calm as possible - get them together and confront them with the accumulated sums they've taken from her.
Again, though: if their comeback is that she wanted to give them the money, and doing so makes her happy, and who are they to refuse? - then I don't know the answer.
We did just that. One sibling says his kids are on their own and he can't control if his daughters take Grandma shopping for groceries for her and new boots for themselves ($150/pair). And he at first denied taking any money, then said exactly as you say "Mom likes to give more money to one of her children/grandchildren and you are just jealous." Now that sibling is in denial again and acting like other problems are of more concern; that I didn't thank him for arranging the pool service to clean mom's pool when it is so he can have mom pay for his pool cleaning service!
How miserable can you be to pray upon your mother to pay for cleaning your crap!