I feel like I am losing myself as a caregiver because I don't ever have time to myself to do anything that I want to do? I am caring for my spouse (husband) who's been stricken w/alzheimers/vascular dementia and he's only 69yo but every day I feel like I can't be the same person I was before this happened w/him because he constantly reminds me of how much he loves me, he doesn't want to lose me, I'm his everything and if I leave the room or go outside, he's constantly watching over me, what to do??
And if needed you can tell him that this person is there to help you with some things around the house.
I would also look into taking him to your local Adult Day Center, where he can be there up to 5 days a week and 8 hours a day, and where they will keep him busy with lots of different activities and where they'll feed him breakfast, lunch and a snack. They can even pick him up and drop him back off if needed.
Of course there's a cost but worth every penny.
And if money is an issue, most offer some financial help as does the VA if your husband is a veteran.
Bottom line, you won't be any good to your husband and his care if you don't first take care of yourself. So don't forget that you matter too in this situation.
You still need to take care of yourself and your needs, otherwise you won't be able to continue this.
He is scared, feeling vulnerable, and you are all he has right now to cling to. You can't control that, but you don't have to give in to it either. You can have someone come and stay with him for a while so you can get away for a bit. You can ask his doctor for some anti-anxiety medication, which may help.
Do not allow your life to be ruled by guilt. You didn't cause his disease and you can't change it. You do not have to become a slave to his ever-increasing needs. Instead, you decide how much you can do and your level of commitment to being by his side and caring for his needs, and leave room for some enjoyment in your life, some time for yourself.
You can always vent here and get support from other caregivers.
I've been caring for a husband with dementia (TBI) for 11 years. He was only 53 when he suffered a stroke which left him unable to walk, unable to communicate, unable to eat solid food, in diapers, and resistant to personal cares. I've been through ALL the emotions! From crying, anger, frustration, to finding joy in the small moments when we can share a laugh. It's been very isolating, but for me, I'm an introvert, so I kind of enjoy quiet solitude, and I still love my husband so much, I'd rather have the difficulty of taking care of him than to not have him in my life. That could change tomorrow, or next week. When it does, I will have to place him in a care facility, and know that I've done my best.
Introduce the person as a friend and stay a few times while this person is there so he gets used to their presence. Then take that time to take care of your needs.
Eventually, he is gonna have to adjust to the fact that you’re not going to be right there all the time. He’s gonna have to accept a companion aide while you go to the store and your own doctors and have downtime, or he’s going to a home. I’d tell him that. So,etc,es they can understand. If not, you did your best.