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I feel like I am losing myself as a caregiver because I don't ever have time to myself to do anything that I want to do? I am caring for my spouse (husband) who's been stricken w/alzheimers/vascular dementia and he's only 69yo but every day I feel like I can't be the same person I was before this happened w/him because he constantly reminds me of how much he loves me, he doesn't want to lose me, I'm his everything and if I leave the room or go outside, he's constantly watching over me, what to do??

It's now time to hire some in-home help that will stay with your husband so you can get out and do some things you enjoy even if it's just to go to church or meet a friend for lunch.
And if needed you can tell him that this person is there to help you with some things around the house.
I would also look into taking him to your local Adult Day Center, where he can be there up to 5 days a week and 8 hours a day, and where they will keep him busy with lots of different activities and where they'll feed him breakfast, lunch and a snack. They can even pick him up and drop him back off if needed.
Of course there's a cost but worth every penny.
And if money is an issue, most offer some financial help as does the VA if your husband is a veteran.
Bottom line, you won't be any good to your husband and his care if you don't first take care of yourself. So don't forget that you matter too in this situation.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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You would be wise to get your husband used to help that isn’t you. After all, you never know when you might not be available, given you could get sick, require surgery, need to attend a family event, a funeral, wedding, the list is endless. It’s not right to completely isolate yourself to him, as you may need help yourself one day. Hire a helper a couple of days a week or take him to adult daycare if that’s available in your area. No trying to be all things to him all the time, it could very well break you, and then where would he be? It’s as important to care for you as it is for him. Consider medication to calm his agitation as well. He’s blessed to have you, just care for you both. I wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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It can become so isolating taking care of a spouse with dementia. You start out just doing what needs to be done, and before you know it, you've lost your previous life, maybe even some friends.
You still need to take care of yourself and your needs, otherwise you won't be able to continue this.
He is scared, feeling vulnerable, and you are all he has right now to cling to. You can't control that, but you don't have to give in to it either. You can have someone come and stay with him for a while so you can get away for a bit. You can ask his doctor for some anti-anxiety medication, which may help.
Do not allow your life to be ruled by guilt. You didn't cause his disease and you can't change it. You do not have to become a slave to his ever-increasing needs. Instead, you decide how much you can do and your level of commitment to being by his side and caring for his needs, and leave room for some enjoyment in your life, some time for yourself.
You can always vent here and get support from other caregivers.
I've been caring for a husband with dementia (TBI) for 11 years. He was only 53 when he suffered a stroke which left him unable to walk, unable to communicate, unable to eat solid food, in diapers, and resistant to personal cares. I've been through ALL the emotions! From crying, anger, frustration, to finding joy in the small moments when we can share a laugh. It's been very isolating, but for me, I'm an introvert, so I kind of enjoy quiet solitude, and I still love my husband so much, I'd rather have the difficulty of taking care of him than to not have him in my life. That could change tomorrow, or next week. When it does, I will have to place him in a care facility, and know that I've done my best.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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Look into an adult day care so he can get some outside stimulation and you can get some much needed time away from caregiving.
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Reply to cwillie
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He's scared. Contact his doctor for medication for his anxiety. Are there some senior day centers near you where he could go a few days a week? That way he's not seeing you leave him alone, but you have the option to go out or to have friends over while he's there. Do you have some couple friends who would understand his condition and come for a visit with both of you? Would he be content to sit in another room and watch TV or otherwise engage himself while you have a friend over?
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Reply to MG8522
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Get some help in. You need time to yourself in order to be a good caregiver to your husband.

Introduce the person as a friend and stay a few times while this person is there so he gets used to their presence. Then take that time to take care of your needs.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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He’s shadowing you. Almost stalking you. And I’m sorry to say, but this might get worse to the point he will insist on the bathroom door being open.

Eventually, he is gonna have to adjust to the fact that you’re not going to be right there all the time. He’s gonna have to accept a companion aide while you go to the store and your own doctors and have downtime, or he’s going to a home. I’d tell him that. So,etc,es they can understand. If not, you did your best.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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