My three siblings want to put my mother in a nursing home. She does not want this and neither do I.
She is in a rehabilitation center at the present.
How can I help her be returned to the home that we both share.
I really need some good advice to help my poor mother.
Why do say that I'd be doing my mother a disservice if my sole reason for keeping her at home is because she wants to stay there.
Time is most important here. Get to the attorney immediately and with your moms help get things changed. Then, you can take her home and resume her care yourself. When the time comes you need help and want to place her in a home for care, you will be able to do it. The attorney can help you cover all the bases for now and in the future.
Good luck to you, hope this helps. Please keep us posted on the outcome as it helps others going through similar situations.
I wanted my mom to make me POA but her poor health kept us from getting that done.
But here's the thing. If the rehab doesn't geel that she will be adequately care for at home (her care is beyond what can be provided in a home setting), they might advise your siblings to seek guardianship. If you contest this, the judge, if your mom is found incompetent, may award guardianship to a third party.
It is altogether the best thing to do in this sort of situation to try to come to terms with why your siblings believe mom would be better cared for in a NH.
Who is mom's POA? Have you spoken to her doctor, or to the discharge planners about who is recommending long term care and why?
My mom does not have dementia. She does not want long term nursing care.
She wants to come back home. I know her. She's not happy being away from home. Her state of health depends a lot on her state of mind. I'm fighting to prevent a major injustice to my mother. Can someone help me help her.
Of course your mom should be part of the conversation, as should you. But if mom has the beginnings of dementia, and if she's not eating properly at home, not getting enoufh socialization, medical monitoring and the like, it may not be a matter of what mom wants. It's a natter of what mom needs. If her cognitive skills have declined, she may not be able to see the "big picture" any longer.
My mom has had a series of health problems for over 2 1/2 years. She fell 2 years ago and broke some bones. I was told by the doctor that after a senior has a traumatic fall they tend to go into cognitive decline.She's presently in a re-hab center after a brief hospital stay for an undefined illness. Now my three siblings want to put her into long term care. She does not want that and neither do I.
My mom lived fully on her own at 81, even though she had lost most of her vision. I spent most of my weekends with her but didn't come to live with her until she suffered a severe case of sciatica when she was 90. I was her daughter, friend and companion, but I never thought of myself as her caregiver even then, that came later. I just hope you really do understand what you are agreeing to.
If your mother entered a nursing home, would you and your siblings stop visiting her, stop loving her, stop advocating for her?
If this is your mother's phrase, you need to correct it. If it's what you are thinking, you need to understand that what occurs in a good nursing home is a level of professional care that is simply not available at home. Ongoing monitoring of weight, bp, oxygen saturation, lung and bowel sounds. In house dental, audiology and optometry. Specialized diet. Consults with ot, pt and spech. And on, and on and on. When my mother is ill, she doesn't have to get dresssed and go out in the cold, wet Northeast winter to be seen by a doctor.
Now, if your Mom is of clear mind and wants to return to her own home and she is able to do that, then she needs to take full responsibility for her decision. Hopefully she will decide yes when the time comes to hire outside help for her care, for the upkeep on the house, etc. Don't fall in the guilt/trap of a parent who refuses outside help.
Your mom is 81 and I have noticed that many elders decline steadily after reaching that age, you need to understand the dynamics between you is changing irrevocably. She will become more dependent on you, are you up for that? Will you be willing to deal with dementia or other physical infirmities? Urinary incontinence? Fecal incontinence? Will you have her die in your shared home?
If you have seriously considered all of these points then your siblings may be more willing to concede to your plans. In the end it is not up to them, if your mom is competent to make her own decisions it is between you and her. But remember that your sibs have made it clear they are not interested in hands on caregiving, so don't expect them to bail you out if you are in over you head.
She is in rehab because she is very weak and underweight.
She is mentally competent. My sister is her POA
Mom and I co-own our home.
Why is she in rehab?
Is she mentally competent?
Who has POA?
Whose home do you share, hers or yours?
Assisted Living is another option which is great for elders, if the elder can afford to do that, as the elders are around people of their own generation, and there is a lot of help for them such as housekeeping, medicine being dispensed, all 3 meals prepared, medical alerts, etc. My Dad [94] is in the Independent Living side and has the options for extra care, he recently started with the facility doing his meds.
If the reheb recommends 24-hour care, who would you call to help you out? Being a 24-hour caregivers means you would be doing the work of 3 full-time caregivers each and every day, 168 hours a week with very little rest inbetween. You would burn out quickly, and just a note, 40% of caregivers pass on leaving behind their love one.