My 93-year-old grandmother who has all timers and dementia has spent the last seven years of her life in a nursing home. My mother and her sister take turns visiting my grandmother daily. Other family members visit my grandmother as well. I visit my grandmother every other Sunday with my mom. My grandma's health has been diminishing because of her loss of appetite. She's always been a little bit chubby but she has been losing weight drastically because of her loss of appetite. My mom generally feeds her fresh fruit Jell-O and thickening liquids that the nursing home provides. We've all discussed that my grandmother probably gets no other nutrition besides when someone comes to visit and spoonfeeds for lunch or dinner.
A few weeks ago a hospice representative approach my mother and told my mother that their services would provide comfort for the family and my grandma as my grandmother's health continues to deteriorate.
Last week when I went to visit my grandmother I noticed that she had a brand-new chair that seeded her a lot better and she seemed more comfortable.
today when I arrived I thought my grandma was dead. I've never seen her look so poor and not in control whatsoever of her body functions.
We proceeded to the nurses station and found out that hospice has been administering morphine since Friday at midnight every six hours but the nursing staff could administer more every two hours if they felt my grandma was in pain. I asked the head nurse how has this happened that the family has not consented to morphine yet my grandmother has been given morphine for the past 48 hours... The head nurse said that hospice is supposed to contact the family to let them know but in order to stop giving her morphine they would have to have a doctors order faxed to them immediately... Where they would have no choice but to give her the dosage. I am mediately called hospice and left a message on their Emergency number. My mother said by the time she got home hospice had already called she return your phone call and they agreed they would call the nursing home and tell them to stop. This evening around 630 we were called by the nursing home letting us know my grandma's blood pressure was 74 and they said she may not have much time left to get to the nursing home immediately. Grandma was itching her skin and hair... The majority of the time she seemed disoriented and confused and still highly medicated. Her mouth was wide open and it looked like she desperately needed water or something moist to quench her thirst. A hospice care worker was there as well and said she would be willing to meet with me in the hall to discuss my grandma's condition. I told her I was not interested in speaking to her about my grandmother's condition and they have already caused enough problems. Miscommunication could be detrimental to my grandma's condition... And no one in the family had consented to my grandmother given morphine.
My question is do you think my grandmother will survive after having morphine in her system for more than 48 hours? The nursing home also told us that hospice had change the doses of some of her medicines and in fact she was placed on another medicine for anxiety; one that is not recommended for Alzheimer's and dementia patients- we were told the drug makes patient very lethargic.
Seroquel 25 mg -- is the drug and dosage.
My grandmother hasn't had food or liquids for several days now. I'm actually ticked that hospice could be so negligence and not inform the family about the morphine and we had to find out through the nursing staff at the hospital.
The nursing staff knows my grandmother for seven years -- it's not like no one came to visit her-- family was constantly surrounding her-- now hospice has come in and in within one weekend has caused her to be incoherent, non-responsive in a coma like state.
If younger and our grandparent(s) and/or parent(s) had a crystal ball to see into the future, I wonder if they would say "let me suffer a horrible death, give me nothing to reduce the pain, I want my love ones to see me whither in agony".... I don't think so. We, ourselves, wouldn't want that kind of death for ourselves.
I know for myself, it I was approaching death, make it as painless as possible, and make it quick.
I don't have any great words of comfort other than "I'm sorry". I hope that you are able to find peace.
Her last day at the nursing home, I spoke to her doctor and asked that she be taken back to the hospital. He refused saying in a very belligerent tone that she was dying and that sending her back to the hospital would not do any good.
Later that evening I spoke to the hospice nurse by phone and asked about sending my mom back to the hospital. She told me that I was being selfish and wanted my mother to suffer so she could be with me.
Now thinking back, it seems that both her doctor, who was being paid by hospice, and the hospice itself refused or at least strongly discouraged taking my mom back to the hospital.
She died a few hours later. I have been in a state of extreme grief and emotionally distraught ever since.
The way it's been explained to me, by the Hospice that works at my mom's NH, she needs to be medically certified as being ready for Hospice, but that we can chose to discontinue Hospice service at any time. Her sister, my aunt, went on and off hospice for years, rallying when she was not expected to live several times.
Hospice had called me [POA] to talk about the meds that my Mom had been taking from her primary and specialist doctors, to which all was stopped, and that if Mom was in pain would it be ok to use morphine... I had suggested another med to try, but if that med didn't work then yes to morphine... I wanted my Mom to be comfortable.
I know occasionally Mom my will say "I've had enough" to which we believe is in reference to being bedridden for the past two months and having her mind befuddled.
He didn't know who I was. He thought I was a nurse or other employee. In the last hour he couldn't find words. It was merciful when death finally came. I had called hospice in that morning and they arrived quickly, but he had just died. I wish I had brought them in earlier, but there was denial and resistance from my mother. I know if they had been there his last few days would have been better. They would have relieved the pain that he had in his legs. It was excrutiating to him, I know.
So... while some people are sorry for calling in hospice, others of us are sorry that we did not. Hospitals are reluctant to give morphine -- probably because of what we are reading here and being questioned about the use. I don't know. I just know it would have been a great gift to my father in easing his pain during the final days.
My father was still walking slowly a week before his death. When the final days came, they moved in swiftly.
Hint: there is NO CURE for old age!
We have been caring for my 93 yo MIL in our home for the past year. Here's what we have learned: neither one of us will EVER go through what she is going through: sleeping 18-19 hours/day, bored - but unwilling to go to a senior day care (and my husband is too guilty/foolish to force her to - unfortunately for her and us - since we are now trapped in our home 24/7), a burden to others with NO quality of life, no hobbies, failing eyesight so she can't read much (not that she ever did, she dropped out of school as a teen), slowly declining physical health, increasing dementia making it harder for her to function and even have a conversation....
No no - we've discussed it, and we'll both be taking a pill before we get to this point: a living death, a "life", days and weeks just waiting to die....recently added to my bucket list: if I make it to 90 I intend to try all the drugs I didn't try earlier in life - and maybe some of those too. Haha!
So again, WHY do you want to keep your Grandmother alive?
My suggestion for you is to call your siblings and whoever to tell them you all need to support your mom and aunt through this. Trust in them that they are doing as grandma wanted. Do not make this harder for mom and aunt than it already is. Then all of you call your moms and ask what you can do to help and let them know you love them.
My Mom [97] is on hospice care.... hospice usually calls the POA and not the rest of the family members as they just want one person to make the decisions. I was told about the morphine and agreed it would help if my Mom had any discomfort. If hospice called everyone in the family, half would say yes, half would say no, and hospice would be at a standstill until everyone in the family comes to an agreement... and that is not fair to the Grandmother.
ConfusedHoosier, you are visiting your Grandmother once every two weeks, thus you are not seeing the ups and downs of what your Grandmother is going through. With my own Mom one day she would be alert, sitting in her Geri Recliner, and being chatty... the next day she would be in bed totally zoned out... next day back to being alert, same the following day, then the day after back to being zoned out and again the following day. My Mom also had her mouth wide opened and that was because she was breathing through her mouth, that does happen. Then there is delirium which is frightening to watch unless given a certain medicine to zone the patient out. Then the picking at one's clothing, the bedding, one's skin, etc. Whenever I see this in my Mom, I want her to close her final chapter sooner than later. The quality of life is gone.
When I say we are lefted with questions I mean me, my sister, my cousins, my granny's niece, etc.
My grandma would kick all of our a**es if she was able for putting her in a nursing home in the first place. When she was stronger she would resist as much as she could and say lets get the hell out of here - take me home- your grandfather would roll over in his grave if he knew your mother put me in here! :)
The family who were present at the nursing home today and tonight kept saying why isn't she in the hospital? Where's the fuilds? I feel exhausted-- because I don't have the answers nor am I the POA... But the staff filled me in well enough to understand if we take granny to the hospital or hook up fuilds for granny to be comfortable as possible and hydrated -- hospice will walk-- so if grandma does start going into shock and is in agonizing pain thanks to their shenanigans hospice will say ... oh we have a 6 month wait see you when we can get back to you.
I don't have the answers -- but I can tell you this much from what I've learned thus far Hospice seems pretty "snakey" to me ... Perhaps I will change my point of view at the end of this experience -- but for someone to not communicate with the family that morphine is being administered is unacceptable-- yeah we are all appreciative grandma got a chair 2 weeks ago that she fit in comfortably -- but to have her bedridden this week isn't worth it-- I'd rather take the crappy chair back at least it had my grandma in it awake and coherent.
When you say "we are left to question", who is the "we"?
Granny is being left...isn't she in a nursing home? With hospice care? So, do you want someone to be with her 24/7?
I hope you feel better about this and get the answers you need tomorrow.