My mom is in lockdown in memory care and I can only call her. The lady at the facility in charge of doing the video chats told me over a month ago she would do Skype with me every week and we agreed on a daily time. I didn't get a call the day she was supposed to do it, so I called and the director said the lady that was in charge of doing the video chat was not at work that day. So, I waited for her to call me for video chat, and it never happened, even though she had been back at work.
I called the next week and asked the head nurse/co director to do a video chat, and she did the Skype with my mom. It was at 2pm, and my mom looked exhausted and didn't have her glasses on. Mom has only one eye, and the one she has left has poor vision without her glasses. So, I requested they get her glasses so she could see me.
So, I've just been able to talk with my mom on the phone for the last 6 weeks, and Skype with her once. I would like to see her more often on Skype, but the memory care still doesn't have their stuff together. I called last week to see if they are going to resume Skype with my mom, but the lady in charge of doing the Skype said yes they're still doing it, but now it's Zoom.
Well, she couldn't figure it out, so I still couldn't see my mom.
She said she would reschedule my video chat with mom for today. She never called. I called a few minutes after my scheduled time to talk with the lady doing Zoom. The director let her know I was trying to get a hold of her to do Zoom or Skype. Neither one called me back. So, an hour later I called back telling the director I never received a call. The director told me she would talk to her and call me back. Never received a call back from director either.
Are any of you having issues like this? You can only talk with your loved on the phone? My mom lives in an inside room that doesn't have a window to the outside only inward to the garden area in the facility.
At this point, I'm getting a little tired and starting to be concerned. Would you be, or is this common place to only be able to talk on the phone with your loved one and not see them?
Thank you for any input!
Even if your Mom cant do it herself, it would be easier than setting up a zoom call for the facility. We set it up at home, connected to the facility Wifi, from parking lot and then they just plugged it in her room.
My mom's facility has been no visitors at all for several weeks now. It's been hard. Prior to that, even though visitors couldn't go inside, she could come out on the front deck and we could sit and chat, socially distanced. Hopefully we can at least get back to that soon. But no one, residents or staff , has had any symptoms confirmed cases of the virus.
They also send photos. They were better at that in the beginning then now. I have asked the administrator a few times to send me a photo of mom.
I would be worried if I couldn't at least see mom over FaceTime..my mom can still communicate... but even if she couldn't.. I would want to see her. You can kind of see if they look healthy and cared for.. so to answer your question I would be concerned if they weren't allowing me to see her in real time.
That said, it IS commonplace to not see loved ones for extended periods of time with lockdowns such as this. This COVID19 situation is unprecedented, however, and the longest of any I've encountered. And likely to go on for many more months before visitors are allowed back in. Or until a vaccine is developed and available for everyone. The non residential care home settings have been hit the hardest, so they're the least likely to lift restrictions, you know? That's why I think you need to be persistent with your mom's place to let them know you MUST do a weekly video chat with her, period.
My mother has been in such a foul mood for weeks now, I can't even tell you. She doesn't really even want to speak with me! She won't answer the phone when I call, or, she'll be in such a rancid mood that she'll say she doesn't want to talk. She's obviously not coping well at ALL with the few new restrictions that they've put on her. Such as wearing a mask when she leaves her room. They're still doing one-on-one activities, still serving 3 meals and 3 snacks a day, still doing most of what they were doing pre COVID19, including allowing the residents full use of the beautiful garden outside. So I'm not sure why my mother is THIS upset and furious. I do know that I haven't been able to send her things or bring her food, which is irritating her........so that may be most of it.
It's sad, all of it. I've been dealing with my parents and their health and living arrangements since 2011 (as an only child); Dad passed in 2015 and it's been one thing after another with my mother since her sounding board and scratching post is no longer there. And now that I can no longer 'do' for her, she doesn't even want to speak to me 90% of the time.
We do our best, right? Come what may. Wishing you the best of luck getting your message across to the powers that be at your mother's place.
I think they got the message when I called them yesterday. The lady in charge of doing video chats called me this afternoon and I was able to do Zoom with my mom. My mom didn't have her glasses on again, but this happens quite a bit there. I think they have been overwhelmed for a long time, even before the quarantine. They don't hire enough staff and the old staff left when new management came in at the end of last year. I'm looking into a new place for my mom with a better ratio of caregivers. Her place she's in went from 1 caregiver for every 6 residents to 1 for every 12 or more at certain times of the day after new management.
The place that I'm looking into has 1 caregiver for every 3 residents and it's in a large home with a capacity of 15. She's first on the waiting list, so when this quarantine is lifted the director of the home is going to see my mom and will let me know if she qualifies to live there.
Wishing you the best with your family as well. Thank you for your advice and sharing your experiences. I appreciate it.
My FaceTime visits are never very long and as much as I am glad I get to see and talk to my Mom, my Mom doesn’t like it - she says it’s not real. Unfortunately because of her dementia, she doesn’t understand why I’m not visiting her. The staff tell her every day it’s because of the virus but she doesn’t understand.
Unfortunately, I then wind up putting a huge bundle of anxiety on myself because of the lack of contact.
No good solution yet in my world, and until it’s safe for me, none on the horizon either. I’ve always been able to “skin my own skunks”, and not being able to get to LO and do what I’d been doing previously has put a huge crimp in our ongoing lives. I was gratified that she knew who I was the last time I got through, last Wednesday, but the I had a FaceTime appt. for Friday, and the call was never made to me.
If I were sure that I’d get our call when scheduled, I’d relax a little I think, but I can wind up going some 5 or 6 days in a row with no contact at all.
My problem is being able to get up with someone - ANYone - at the facility. No one answers the phone, and the phone tree is set up so that you have to actually know the extension of the person you're trying to get up with. There is no directory, and no way to leave a message or even "dial an operator" for assistance. I requested a facility directory (in writing, no less) on April 23 and was assured that they would email one to me. Still haven't received it. I have taken to writing down my questions and concerns about Mom's care and stapling it to the bag of whatnots I bring to her every so often, but I never get a response.
I'm especially frustrated now, because my last call to Mom yesterday was unnerving - she sounded very confused, and was talking to me like I was someone else. Mind you, Mom had absolutely no cognition issues when she went to the nursing home two months ago.
She does have a history of goofy vivid dreams, however, so I figured that perhaps she'd recently awakened from a nap and was still in LaLa Land, but with the lack of communication with the staff, I have no way of finding out what's going on with her. They used to call me once or twice a week with updates on her condition, but even that's fallen by the wayside.
I'm going to drive down to the facility today and ask to speak to the duty RN. I know it's Sunday, and they no doubt have their hands full, but I'm not taking "no" for an answer, and I'll sit in the parking lot until doomsday if I have to.
COVID or not, there should be a way for me to at least leave a phone message. I've always been told, "If you have any questions or concerns, don't hesitate to call." A fat lot of good that does me now. But I'm sure that if they didn't get their payment on the first of the month, they'd find a way to call ME.
End of rant. I know I sound petty and childish, but everyone has her breaking point, and I think I've just reached mine.
Sometimes, the "old fashioned" way is still a good idea, and a way to which the oldest generation was accustomed when communicating.
My issue is when this pandemic is lifted how will we know the nursing homes are clean of the virus? My brother tested positive, but is asthmatic for the past 3 weeks. Lucky for him he's in a private room, but that doesn't keep residents from wandering into his room...So, how are others going to address going back into the home and visit?
Are any of you experiencing issues with internet at your facilities?
By the way, I never would have known about the wifi if I hadn't asked!
I say all this just to let everyone know that I understand how tough this is for us, and for the people we love. We are on this site because we are caretakers, and at this time with little we can do, there is a feeling of helplessness.
They’re killing our elderly another way, by isolating them.
My Dad’s home prohibits window visits. I Skype with him now, he doesn’t understand the Skype technology.
I pray to our Lord Jesus Christ daily to help us through this crisis that doesn’t make sense.
I ask we all pray to Jesus.
God Bless.
The similarity to an old-fashioned phone was great for Mom, and we had a super call! The staffer started the call and made sure Mom knew who was calling, then stood outside the room until I needed her to end the call and turn off the phone . She and I worked out the details by email, then we texted just before the call. (I also showed some team spirit by limiting our call to 10 minutes.
I’m hoping we can train Mom to end a call. Then the staffer could just start the call, then come back at her convenience to power off and store the phone. Medical staff are way too stretched to help, but other staff might. Also, be sure you connect to wifi, if available. And if you’re new to video calls, practice ahead of time with a friend, using the same app as the NH: Skype, Zoom, or Google Duo are common. (FaceTime is only for Apple devices.)
One more thing I keep reminding myself: Staff and family are all figuring this out on the fly. It’s stressful for us all. But the staff are going in every day, risking their health and their families’ health to care for our LOs. Let’s do what we can to ease their stress, not add to it if possible, so they can do the hard stuff without burning out. Being nice to them goes a long way. Deep breaths! :-)
Here in New York State residents are confined to their rooms all day as no more than 10 people can be in the same space and they must be 6 feet apart. Therefore, Residents have all of their meals in their rooms and there are no activities. This is the hardest part because there is absolutely no interaction. The residents are technically in a cocoon with only essential personnel coming and going, and I understand the “no visitors” rule but residents should have more flexibility within the facility. Gov. Cuomo, this ruling is doing more harm than good!
First, I got her a phone that has internet connection - just like you would get for your house. This service is $90 per month from the local phone / internet provider. This service gives us Wi-Fi, and I don't have to worry about the facility complaining that I'm using too much of theirs. She can't talk on the phone much anymore, but I had to get the phone line in order to get the Wi-Fi.
Next, I bought a Nest indoor camera for $200. This thing is a GOD SEND! Some nursing homes don't like them, but most states are passing laws that make it illegal to forbid the cameras. I pay $10 per month to store 10 days of footage. This allows me to look backwards to see how she did during the day.
Third, I bought a ViewClix, also about $200. It has no monthly fee. https://viewclix.com/
The ViewClix allows me (and a few close relatives) to call her and video chat with her. We have to initiate the calls. She cannot. When it's not a video chat screen, it has rotating images which I can change from afar.
This setup is definitely for someone who has dementia. It's way too invasive for someone who still wants some privacy.
I find it incredibly comforting to see my mom on the camera. Incredibly! There's no substitute. People cannot really describe how she's doing, even when they are telling me every detail. The camera is everything.
The facility (initially) thought I wanted the camera to catch their employees acting badly (and sue them). Of course, if someone were being abusive, it would catch that, but I have seen nothing but consistently kind and patient behavior from the staff members. And, you can tell that they forget about the camera, so I don't think it's just because it's there. (Some are more patient than others, but no one is abusive!)
Now - I live 3000 miles from my mother and had installed all of this way before the coronavirus and shut-down, so I don't know how you'd get the equipment in there now.
FYI, if I owned a nursing home or assisted living facility, I would offer some version of ViewClix for every room!
As someone else mentioned, we are all learning how to do this on the fly. Some facilities seem to be doing this better than others. In looking back, I wonder if my mother’s nursing home had some information about what was in store earlier than most. Back in November, they started making every employee who had not had a flu shot wear a mask to work. In January, they started to prohibit visitation after 5:00 p.m. This is because all visitors prior to this time were screened for fevers and asked about symptoms of illness and travel abroad. No visitors were allowed after 5:00 when the people manning this station went home. We just thought they were being extra cautious about the flu.
At the end of February, they shut down the nursing home to outside visitors and vendors. Since then, they have set up a 2-3 times a week Facetime call through the activities employees. We also get a daily update from the director. Fortunately, the facility has only one story, so we are able to visit my mother through her window. We call the front desk when we arrive, and someone goes to the room to raise the blinds and position my mother near the window. At this time, we ask them to check her oxygen, change the channel on her TV (making sure she’s not watching covid news), and ask them how she’s doing. The visits aren’t optimal, but at least we can see her and her room.
The facility moved my mother several times while setting up an isolation wing for covid infected residents. This caused a lot of harm to her mental health (bipolar in addition to dementia) which we have spent a month trying to figure out. No UTI, and they are presently doing a blood analysis to check her medication levels. It may be a combination of the moving around, different nurses, and stress from not seeing her daily visitors. She has been doing better lately.
This facility amped up their activities for the residents - they just changed the way they did them. They still do Bingo, but the residents sit outside their room and they call numbers down each hall. They let them eat in the dining room but no more than ten at a time and distanced from each other. I heard they did a group art project this way.
i just looked at our state’s covid status. We have had 303 deaths so far - one third in LTC facilities. The covid wing at my mother’s nursing home is empty, which I hope and pray stays that way. Most of the cases and deaths in these facilities seem to come from only a few counties. Many counties have had zero cases.
It is easy to say that maybe these facilities didn’t take proper precautions, but there is so much unknown about the transmission of this virus and when it even began. I just read an article in which epidemiologists from around the world are studying why certain countries or areas with similar population density, climate, and demographics seem to be hit harder than others and even they can’t figure it out. I pray A LOT!