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Yes With a doctor's help, apply for a guardianship and have her moved to memory care. She may make you feel guilty BUT you are in fact doing the best thing for her and for yourself.
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Thank god you have the sense not to have her live with you - it would be hell for you. Get help from the doctors and Adult Protective Care. You will have to be very tough and strong - I am not sure I would advocate physical force unless she is sedated but if tricking her is the ONLY way, then so be it. Do what you must. She has dementia - she does not belong out in the field - she needs to be in a facility. End of statement
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Riley2166 Jan 2022
Perhaps you could tell you you are taking a week off for vacation or for your job or whatever and you cannot and will not leave her alone. She needs to check into a "hotel" for the week. Do NOT bring anything with you - just her and what she is wearing. Tell her you'll get i a week. Go home and then bring in her stuff. She is where she belongs - get tough and put her where she belongs before she destroys you.
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Yes, after you have established legal guardianship, maybe set it all up for her to move in to a demensia facility.
Tell her you are going out to lunch....... have it pre-set with the facility that you can have lunch with her in the locked unit.
Then you can start conversation with other people while eating and then tell her you have to go to the bathroom and just get up and slip out.........
I know this sounds deceptive but I have worked in facilities for many years and sometimes you have to trick them in order to get them in there...... then you can go get some of her things, or have them all placed there before she gets there whatever is easier.
You are doing the best thing for her to keep her safe, so do not feel guilty.... you can visit and in time she will adjust.
Maybe make a board with family pictures on it for her to have in her room, and some of her favorite things like a rocker recliner, magazines, some of her personal things so she feels connected.
I hope this little bit helps to maybe get her into the facility.....
Once in there she will have activities to keep her busy, there is always an Activity Director and they work on arts and crafts, entertainers come in, singing, word games to keep their minds sharper, and a whole lot of things.
You can always call the administrator or caregivers during the day to check up on her in between visits to assure yourself that she is doing ok.
God Bless.
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KristineB Jan 2022
I did this exactly and it worked although she was angry.
”We’re just going to have lunch to visit,”
I had already moved clothes without her seeing.
I know it sounds awful but she literally thinks she: gardens, drives and cooks her food.
She was on oxygen in a wheelchair!
She finally needed (2) staff and her long term care wouldn’t pay for (2),
I had to do it and her attorney knew and backed me.
He ended up forcing her to sign a letter saying she’d stop fighting it.
I lost every family member for making sure she’s safe and cared for.
The probate judge came and said it was “a palace.”
It’s a thankless job.
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