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Speaks well for your self, shows that like many others in this situation you care, but sadly as you also said, you have no control over this state of affairs. Guilt can easily be misleading with what must be done, which at this stage appears the correct decision. Visitation helps a lot to both, and with luck the skilled nursing outfit might be an efficient and caring one. Peace and Good Luck.
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Your distress and grief sounds cumulative from a history of relationship challenges with your mother affected by your mother's choices of substance abuse. You may want to look into AlaNon ( sp.) groups for support for yourself as these specifically support family members who are subjected to addicted family members. In this group they will help you let go of some of the distress, guilt and grief you are burdened with as described in your note.
Other support for you may come from other forms of grief counseling or via a faith based professional support. Since you identify your mother's addictions and substance abuse , ALANON sounds like a first priority to consider.

Take care of yourself ! And your family! Do not be guilt tripped by anyone. Your mother needs the care a NH facility can provide. Do not worry about her " getting kicked out"; be sure the faculty is aware of all of her addictions so they can get her help.

Peace
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Slothlover2019: Your mother requires a team of caregivers in a managed care facility setting 24/7 per her poor life choices.
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I am so sorry for what she, and you, have been through. A care facility is vital for her given her current situation. You physically would not be able to look after her in the way that she needs right now, so there shouldn't even be a question of her coming to live with you. Running yourself ragged would not help her, you or your children. It is completely understandable that you want to do your best for her, just know that you are by letting professionals take the best care of her. They are equipped to deal with the extra needs that she will have while she recovers. You can still visit her regularly if you're able.
My mother is also a heavy smoker and alcoholic so I understand, and although she is thankfully fully independent at the moment I do think about what will happen in the future and what the options are. It's never easy but stay strong. You're absolutely doing the right thing.
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I am sorry you feel guilty but you shouldn’t. She chose her path to being unhealthy.

putting this into perspective may help. Wouldn't you feel more guilty giving her your all in your home at the expense of your family?

wouldn't you feel guilty when she fell in your home and injured herself?

believe me, my Mom is bedridden in an assisted living and it is still at least a part time job

take care if your family and stop feeling guilty
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What would warrant guilt is if you refused to place her where she can get the help she truly needs.

She’s where she needs to be.
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Just realize you'll be in the same position one day if you live long enough. We all will. Basically, our choices in our elder years are facility living or ruining our children's lives by living with them. If I'm ever fortunate enough to have a child, I'm going to impress on them from a somewhat early age that they are to put me into a facility as soon as I cannot live alone.
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Slothlover2019 Nov 2022
Completely agree, my children will never take care of me.
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