My sister will pick my mother up for appointments and church to transport her and mom has four stairs to descend and especially now that the weather is getting frosty the steps can ice up. My sister has to come up on the porch to get my mother's walker to load into the car but then my sister proceeds to get into the car and lets my mother descend the stairs alone without supervision. Mom is always carrying a purse in one hand and is very unsteady. I have addressed this with my sister numerous times even as recently as five days ago. Yesterday I was visiting my mother, my sister picked her up for church, my sister got the walker, got back into the car and, once again did not supervise mom. I stayed back a few seconds to see if she would since I had just addressed it but when I saw her get back into her car I quickly went out and spotted mom on the steps. I am at my wits end since I live over an hour away and my sister lives five minutes from mom and does most of the transporting. My sister just doesn't get it. Do I go ballistic on her to get the point across or wait and let something happen?
Do you have any idea why she behaves this way?
Denial that Mom needs help?
Resenting you trying to tell her what to do?
Forgetfulness? (Does Sis have memory issues?)
Laziness?
Secret/subconscious wishes that Mom would fall?
Figuring out why she is doing this MIGHT help you figure out how to approach it.
I wonder if she would receive the message better from someone else. Since many of the trips are to church, perhaps you could talk privately with the pastor, and he or she could have a conversation with Sis, thanking her for her help etc. How would the topic of supervision of stairs come up? I don't know, but pastors are typically good at that sort of thing.
Does Sis go into Mom's medical appointments with her? Wouldn't it be good if the doctor or a nurse would tell Mom that she should have someone accompany here on outdoor journeys now that the weather is often frosty? And that she should especially have someone with her when she uses outdoor steps.
Would Sis listen to Mom? Is Mom able to remember and to ask Sis each time if she will stay with her down the steps?
Would Sis have room in her car to carry a walker all the time? (She doesn't haul a team of young hockey players around, for example.) You could purchase a second-hand walker similar to what your mom normally uses and Sis could keep it in her car. Then she would only have to make one trip to the car and presumably would make it with Mom.
This is really a frustrating situation, since the solution is so easy. Sis stays with Mom down the steps. No Big Deal. But bringing it about isn't so simple.
Good luck to you. If you come up with something that works, please share with us. We learn from each other!