Hello , my 90 year old FIL doesn’t drive and needs help running errands. I don’t mind helping out taking him to the grocery store once a week but have run into an issue. He is used to going to the store very frequently - almost daily- when he was driving to pick up a few things at different stores. Now that I am driving I tell him we go once a week to his preferred store or 2 . He objects with this rule and is now not speaking to us. Who is in the wrong here? How do I manage his expectations? Obviously I can take him out more than once a week for immediate pick ups like meds that can’t wait but I can’t live in the grocery store every day because he needs garbage bags from one store and milk at another? Help!
"No, I can't possibly do that" is a wonderful response.
If he's not speaking to you, I guess he has the resources to get his needs met by someone else.
Independence is wonderful!
I went through this too .
He just wants to go out everyday . I’m surprised he hasn’t asked you to take him to a restaurant on the way because he conveniently hasn’t eaten yet today .( Been there , it turns into an all day event ).
The other alternative is having things delivered as mentioned already .
I also agree to taking him somewhere that has just about everything for one stop shopping , and maybe one other store if you are willing , or go to a different store the next week .
She hated taking her to the beauty salon. She had the wash and set thing every week. Do older women still do that? Sit with curlers under the hair dryer every week! LOL
My Mom is very similar (although she still drives herself within a small radius of her house, I try to consolidate her trips for less driving). I also try to reason with her that by time she drives to 3 or 4 different stores when those items can all be found in one place, the cost of gas nowadays is an issue. I just paid $3+ a gallon today (at Costco) so you can make the point that the gas expenditure erradicates the "savings" from driving to a less expensive store. Also, my Mom does it because she's bored. The staff at the stores greet her like she's Norm from "Cheers" (and some of them run and hide).
I would not contact him first -- let him stew a little. If he does come back around and returns to this unreasonable expectation, maybe come up with a gas fee if he wants you to go more than once a week (and you're willing).
The Silent Treatment is a passive-aggressive means of punishment to get you to cave in and do things HIS way. Except it's also a nice reprieve from the constant stream of demands, if you're able to view it that way.
Get him set up with a Wal Mart home delivery service and an Uber service or the phone number to the local cab company. They'll take him to stores daily if he'd like. Wal Mart food delivery also includes free delivery with no minimum on their merchandise not available for home delivery.
In the meantime, you're available once a week if he's still interested. If not, you've got 100 other things to do with that time.
Tell him to spend his money, you're not looking for an inheritance. Or better yet, move into Assisted Living where the mini bus will take him to run errands AND feed him 3 meals a day!
Sounds GREAT TO ME!
Hope it continues that way for a while.
I always tell people who come with these questions that the thanks you will get for doing this stuff is that you will be EXPECTED TO DO EVERYTHING. And that when you cannot or will not do everything they will be very angry.
We tell people who we are by how we allow them to treat us. If we tell them to kick us like the dog they will be quite happy to do so, and will expect to do so whenever they like.
You have to take responsibility for yourself and how you wish to be treated.
People will come here and they will give you sympathy.
That sympathy and about 7.00 will get you a Starbucks. Maybe.
He is using this as a social outing and mad that you are not going alone with it. He does not consider your time valuable. Time to nip this bratty behavior in the bud.
You are not wrong, he is in expecting u to do this. I guess ur DH does not take him shopping?