Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Look for a senior transportation service. Where I live there’s a charitable group that has scheduled vans going to popular places such as grocery store, library and Walmart. The fee is small.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Mich56 Nov 2023
Thanks!
(0)
Report
Enjoy the time he isn’t speaking to you. It’s a gift they sometimes give us.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
Mich56 Nov 2023
Lol! True!
(1)
Report
Gee, my mom was grateful when I showed up once a week to take her shopping.

"No, I can't possibly do that" is a wonderful response.

If he's not speaking to you, I guess he has the resources to get his needs met by someone else.

Independence is wonderful!
Helpful Answer (12)
Report
Mich56 Nov 2023
True!
(0)
Report
FIL either goes out when you can take him , or he can get a taxi or an Uber . It’s that simple .

I went through this too .
He just wants to go out everyday . I’m surprised he hasn’t asked you to take him to a restaurant on the way because he conveniently hasn’t eaten yet today .( Been there , it turns into an all day event ).

The other alternative is having things delivered as mentioned already .
I also agree to taking him somewhere that has just about everything for one stop shopping , and maybe one other store if you are willing , or go to a different store the next week .
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2023
So true, my mother in law would often say that when she tended to her mother’s needs, the entire day was shot!

She hated taking her to the beauty salon. She had the wash and set thing every week. Do older women still do that? Sit with curlers under the hair dryer every week! LOL
(2)
Report
I agree with the others: you are not wrong, and good for you to set this boundary.

My Mom is very similar (although she still drives herself within a small radius of her house, I try to consolidate her trips for less driving). I also try to reason with her that by time she drives to 3 or 4 different stores when those items can all be found in one place, the cost of gas nowadays is an issue. I just paid $3+ a gallon today (at Costco) so you can make the point that the gas expenditure erradicates the "savings" from driving to a less expensive store. Also, my Mom does it because she's bored. The staff at the stores greet her like she's Norm from "Cheers" (and some of them run and hide).

I would not contact him first -- let him stew a little. If he does come back around and returns to this unreasonable expectation, maybe come up with a gas fee if he wants you to go more than once a week (and you're willing).
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
MargaretMcKen Nov 2023
I just worked out our 'gas' (petrol) prices in A$, and it's $5.7 a gallon. Diesel is more. Be grateful for small mercies.
(0)
Report
See 4 more replies
Expectations always set a person up for disappointment. My mother was the queen of never having her (unrealistic) expectations met and was therefore continuously disappointed and NEVER happy or satisfied. Your FIL is asking for favors, yet insisting his expectations be met with a smile? Rich, isn't it?

The Silent Treatment is a passive-aggressive means of punishment to get you to cave in and do things HIS way. Except it's also a nice reprieve from the constant stream of demands, if you're able to view it that way.

Get him set up with a Wal Mart home delivery service and an Uber service or the phone number to the local cab company. They'll take him to stores daily if he'd like. Wal Mart food delivery also includes free delivery with no minimum on their merchandise not available for home delivery.

In the meantime, you're available once a week if he's still interested. If not, you've got 100 other things to do with that time.

Tell him to spend his money, you're not looking for an inheritance. Or better yet, move into Assisted Living where the mini bus will take him to run errands AND feed him 3 meals a day!
Helpful Answer (10)
Report
Mich56 Nov 2023
Very true. We both work full time plus have my mother to help with to so we are stretched. He can’t afford assisted living so that’s us for now :(
(1)
Report
Not speaking to you?
Sounds GREAT TO ME!
Hope it continues that way for a while.

I always tell people who come with these questions that the thanks you will get for doing this stuff is that you will be EXPECTED TO DO EVERYTHING. And that when you cannot or will not do everything they will be very angry.

We tell people who we are by how we allow them to treat us. If we tell them to kick us like the dog they will be quite happy to do so, and will expect to do so whenever they like.

You have to take responsibility for yourself and how you wish to be treated.
People will come here and they will give you sympathy.
That sympathy and about 7.00 will get you a Starbucks. Maybe.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
lealonnie1 Nov 2023
But not a fancy Grande Starbucks, either 🤣😂😁
(4)
Report
That was all well and good when he was the one doing it. He can't expect others to be at his beck and call. I took my father shopping once every other week. He lived close enough that if he needed milk or bread he could manage that on his own. I did not have that kind of time to go more often. If he is not speaking to you, I hope you still aren't showing up to take him.

He is using this as a social outing and mad that you are not going alone with it. He does not consider your time valuable. Time to nip this bratty behavior in the bud.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Mich56 Nov 2023
Exactly. He literally went out daily when he has his license. We both work full time so this is not an option. He is a very difficult man who pouts when he doesn’t get his way .
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
Oh well, he needs to adjust, not you. I did not think it at the time I was setting boundaries with my Mom but seems I was. I worked a p/t job and set up one day a week to shop and run errands with her. If he can buy milk in the same store that sells trash bags then he does. Or you find a store that sells everything he needs. It may cost him more but he is saving on car payments, gas and insurance. You are right in telling him you are willing to do but in your time not his. I live in the same town as Mom did. I had no problem picking up prescriptions. Calling and asking her, when I was going to the store, if she needed anything. Took her to an appt, I would ask if she needed anything on the way home and if so, we would stop. But I was never at her beck and call.

You are not wrong, he is in expecting u to do this. I guess ur DH does not take him shopping?
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Mich56 Nov 2023
my husband and I both work full time still and my husband works longer hours than me so I try to help with the errands for both my mother and his father. I was able to work it out with my “reasonable” 85 year old mother to take her on a weekly grocery run but FIL is pushing his boundaries with this silly requests.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter