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ensuring they don't get on the road must happen in one day...getting themto accept it and the like could be a process....and is a process but diabling a vehicle for the safety of innocent people takes minutes; less than an hour. As stupid as I am I could remove a battery and so can any tow company or AAA auto insurance road service.
It doesn't take a day, weeks or longer to disable a vehicle.
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if you don't like the doctors note idea; have doctor send letter to dmv and i believe the dmv will advise her that she cannot drive due to medical reasons in addition to no registration and no DL. I would keep her insurance current until you are certain she never drives again
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IMHO do take the dead battery out; and disconnect some other things, those things i do not know the names of. A doctors cooperation is only helpful if they write a letter so they can be blamed but no letter in the land prevents anyone from turning on the engine and driving...if dr won't cooperate and lo has dementia type up a fake doctors letter and mail it to her ....while the car is in non operatin mode keeping gathering info about how to make this permanent...all of us here can help wiith our ideas.
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I had the same problem with my mom, although at an earlier age. When her car broke down, I told her it was too old to get replacement parts. Since she could not afford a new car and payments this "lie" worked. At first she complained that she did not have a car but eventually she forgot about it. Good luck.
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My great aunt who was a very thrifty person had a leg amputation at 85. It was
her right one and we were concerned that her muscle car would have to be off
limits after that. Since she was such a very thrifty person (raised way before the depression), we appealed to her sense of thrift . My mom let her her know that the amputation would have to be reported to her insurance company, and it would probably cost her a fortune to get insured after the surgery. She gave up driving
after thinking about that angle. A sports car would be very costly insurance if
one accident occured.
Try the angle-or every angle- that you think would get your mom's attention.
Is there a family member who would like to fix up the sports car who she
could be helping? My aunt sold her car dirt cheap to a young couple in the
family and it helped them out while solving our driving issue.
Sometimes they just need a valid reason that they can tell friends and others. Something other than too old or their mind can't handle it anymore.
Taking her out to with you to try to start a disabled car several times might
get it into her head as well. Try every angle.......but keep them off the road
when necessary to protect the elder and all of us.
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Giving up driving is the last bit of independance the elderly have. My mom also has dementia and her doctor contacted DMV, she then received a letter from them to hand over her permit. Of course she was not happy but later realized it was for the best. My heart goes out to you hun, its hard to see your parent get old. Best of luck to both of you.
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Yes. We learn to tell a lot of "little white lies" to keep our loved ones safe. Isn't that what we did with our children, too?
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I struggled with this with my own dad. I had my husband tell him because he still thought of me as his little girl even though I was in my 50's at that time. He would go by what my husband said. Now it is almost 15 years later, my husband has had Alzheimer's for 6 years and this time the Doctor told him that he should not drive. Bill was a School Bus Driver and had studied safety rules to keep his children safe on the bus. He had already stopped driving the bus because he didn't want to put anyone's life in danger. He was still thinking very logically then. Even now he knows there is danger in driving! I was lucky that this was so easy for him to give it up. But I an sure you have been told to tell a white lie to keep AZ patients happy. I would tell her that you had it checked out and the car cannot be repaired. Just lie about it. It is fine to do that with AZ patients. Your justification is their safety! You are the caregiver, and you are taking good care if you tell a white lie!
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I, too, am struggling with this problem. Two doctors and his case manager have told him he shouldn't be driving. Even told him the neuro-psychological tests prove he shouldn't be driving. He, like your Mom, can do most physical things for himself: shower, shave, toilet, eat, dress although his walking ability is severely compromised...mostly, I think, from sitting around since he won't exercise, not even a walk. What he can't do is think straight, reason, make sound judgments, remember anything for more than a minute, follow directions. I know he'd get lost if I let him go on his own. We have tried to tell him the dire consequences if he has an accident...even if no one is hurt...I would be the one in trouble because I let him behind the wheel. I would not be able to get insurance, We could lose everything! He says, as with everything else I say about him and his condition, is that I am exaggerating; blowing everything out of proportion; making a mountain out of a mole hill....you get the picture. My husband is scheduled for a "driving test" with another neuro-psychologist next week. Since this is purely a paper and pencil and computer test (he only has to push 2 arrow keys, thank goodness because he never learned to use a computer), I am sure he will fail BUT because it isn't a behind the wheel test, he is not going to accept the results. I can only hope they notify the DMV and they contact him and tell him he can't drive anymore. No matter what happens, it will be my fault; I will be to blame, and my current "hell on earth" life is only going to get worse. I hope and pray you have better luck than I.
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Most states have a procedure where you can report an impaired driver anonymously. The DMV will call your mother in for cognitive and driving tests. If she cannot pass, her license will be terminated.
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Thank you for your excellent suggestions and for sharing your story. I need to bring in reinforcements on this issue, and I think I will talk to my cousin who my mom really respects. Great idea to contact the DMV about elder drivers, too. I just can not imagine she will be able to pass any tests for renewal. I wish I had not procrastinated on this issue, but I barely keep up with the daily issues I have with her. Wow, thanks so much!
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I think this is something so many of us have faced, including me.

It's a shame that her Dr. isn't very helpful. I depended upon my dad's Dr. to be the bad guy in advising that my dad not drive anymore. I called the Dr.'s office prior to my dad's appointment (is was with his cardiologist) and told them that I could use their help in getting my dad off the roads. So it was my dad's Dr. who told him that he needed to give up driving. I used to use my dad's Dr.'s for all kinds of things!

It was very hard on my dad, as it is on anyone. He became down. I tried to get him out of the house as much as I could but it wasn't the same for him. We went back and forth for weeks on the issue and each time I tried to stay calm and imagine myself if my dad's shoes. How would I feel?

My suggestion would be to get the Dr. in on this but if you've tried that and it hasn't worked is there another Dr. you could enlist the help of? Is there someone your mom respects, someone she'd listen to? A minister? A friend?

Getting our loved ones to stop driving is a process. At least that was my experience. When my mom was alive we all suggested she stop driving. She had had cancer, had a lung removed, and was in a deep depression and staying in bed all day. We begged her to give up driving but she refused. One day she was meeting someone at the movies and had an accident. It was her fault and she was sued. It was a mess. And I think it damaged her more than just giving up her keys would have. I also used this experience when I tried to get my dad to stop driving.

When my dad finally did stop driving it was very difficult on him emotionally. I told him that I would take him anywhere he wanted to go but that wasn't the point. It never did get easier for him and while he did give up his keys he never really bounced back 100% from that.

Kerrikans, just start a dialogue with your mom. Remember, it's not going to happen in one day. You might have to go over it a number of times. With a dead battery and an expired license she's not going to peel out of the driveway today so you have a little time. I'm not sure if our elderly loved ones can be talked into not driving anymore. It's a milestone of old age, giving up driving, and most elderly folks would rather saw their arm off than do it. It's very symbolic of where they are in their life and most dig in their heels. You need reinforcements or this will just become an ongoing argument between the two of you.

Doesn't the license bureau offer classes to seniors to see if they are still able to drive or am I making that up? For some reason that's ringing a bell and it just now popped into my brain. Hmmm.....
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