She lives alone, has had two bad falls and now a chronic heart problem. She’s not taking her meds properly and her doctor will not get on the phone with us to discuss her health or screen her for diminished capacity. She has been in the hospital each of the last three months. He has said she is not safe in her own house, but won’t engage with us so we can get her the help she needs. The VNA has said it is obvious she is diminished and spoke to the doctor’s office about her mental state and her living conditions. We have sent him two faxed letters (followed with hard copies) asking for him to engage and no response. When we called the receptionist asking for her to leave a message asking doctor to call us, she hung up on me. I just can’t believe this is happening. My mother is at risk, not bathing, living in horrible conditions and doesn’t remember things from 5 min ago and has now lost her lifeline help necklace that would help her if she were to have another fall. What options do we have to have her HCP invoked? We are shocked as a family that the doctor is not deeming her incapacitated or helping us, She tells us he’s told her she’s fine. She is not fine. Still driving, ran into a parked car with someone in it (third accident), she calls us at all hours of the night-doesn’t remember the next day. Doesn’t remember speaking to us one hour ago. Loses everything. Meds are a mess. We are losing our mother before our eyes and feel totally helpless. I am so incredibly shocked her doctor won’t help us. What do we do?
If it doesn't specifically state that, take a copy to her doctor and ask for her medical records. There will probably be a fee.
Here's the thing, a doctor doesn't have the legal right to declare her incompetent, only a judge can do that. That could be why he is not helping.
I recommend going to your state attorney general website and read what your state allows. The statutes are usually really easy to read and understand.
If she is a danger to herself, you may have to go for guardianship or report her to APS as a vulnerable senior in danger. There are other ways to get her the help she needs.
Best of luck!
A DHCPOA is a legal document that the doctor should honor. It does give brother authority to get information.
I can't imagine what the doctor is thinking. It seems that he is actively obstructing appropriate intervention in his patient's best interests. No doubt there is some explanation but it's hard to guess what it could possibly be.
Unfortunately, because of past abuses by ill intentioned individuals, autonomy is protected to the detriment of many seniors. Leaving the family to wait for the emergency that takes away choices.
Next time she is hospitalized, start telling all of her care providers that sending her home is an unsafe discharge and you all need help. Repeat often, to everyone until you get help.
If she lands in the hospital again, ask for an evaluation. I would also have a doctor there look at her saying that her PCP has been no help.
Until your POA and HCP come into effect, no one will really talk to you. If they do its a courtesy. But, I think Moms PCP is handling Moms situation all wrong. If the problem is he can't talk to you because you aren't on the HIPPA paperwork or HCP is not in effect than why does he not tell you that and say that Mom is not competent? This doctor seems to be a jerk. He won't even respond to a Visiting Nurse. I have no idea why doctors do not want to declare someone incompetent.
I suggest either someone stays with Mom or you bring her for a "visit" to one of your houses. She should not be alone. Get Mom another PCP. She is on Medicare so you don't need a referral to a Neurologist. If she had Medicare Advantage you need to talk to them about changing doctor's and referrals.
Firstly and most importantly is to deliver the advanced directive or health care proxy papers to the physician's office. Also the person who is appointed should be there. There will be no communication with "we" but should be with this one person. IDentification may be required.
Explain when you visit the office your difficulty in getting anyone to speak with you. Let them know that you will report them to the entity that regulates medical licensure in your area.
Do know that if your Mom hasn't been deemed incompetent, and has expressed to her doctor that she doesn't wish her health to be discussed with others, they are under no obligation by advanced directive or proxy to speak with the appointed person. This comes after diagnosis.
Unfortunately, with an MD who will not even speak with the concerned proxy a Lawyer may need to be the first step for temporary guardianship and the neurological exams JoAnn mentions.
I would also suggest you contact a lawyer who deals with medical malpractice. Since her doctor is not acting in her best interest.
How does she get to the doctor's office for the post-hospital appt? Does anyone accompany her?
"He has said she is not safe in her own house, but won’t engage with us so we can get her the help she needs."
When did he say this? Did someone accompany her to an appt?
But a bit of therapeutic fibbing has gotten us to the place we need to be I guess. His physical need for accompaniment became our saving grace because we knew he was leaving out a lot of pertinent information from his doctors when he went alone.
Nusing Homes are a Horrible Place to live! They are all understaffed and Patient to Nurse and Aide Ratio is like 21 patients to 1 Nurse and 1 Aide. They over medicate if they deem you trouble and you end up more like a zombie.
If you don't plan to have mom live with you, she's better where she is.
can she afford someone, Caregiver to drop by an hr or 2 in the morning and an hr or 2 in the afternoon?
If not, make a schedule and have a sibling, friend or other relative drop by every day to check on her.
Install a couple Nest Cameras so you can check on her 24 7 at anytime from your cell phone or lap top.
Go through her pills and see what they're for and see if any can be taken off her med list.
Mout Seniors are on more meds then needed.
But a weekly pill container and put mom's pills by the week, so each day she can take them and they'll all be in one place.
Beleven me, mom will be happier in her own home and actually just as safe if not more than a Nursing Home.
Prayers
Probably some bored little boy looking for cheap thrills.
Try not to put her on the defense, on some level she knows her body is changing but she is most likely confused and scared internally. I know my mom was. Losing ones independence is frightening for anyone. You mentioned she is on the verge of pushing you and your brother away, why not re-set and invite her to be with either of your for the holidays where you can access (and document) her in a loving environment and perhaps win back her trust. She may then be more open to changes and suggestions such as in-home help. Enlist the help of her friends if you can.
Some steps you can take in the meantime is to visit her and access her current living situation. Be on the alert for everything that is potentially unsafe there. There is a clock you can buy - American Lifetime - which has a nice display and you can program an alarm that will ring (alarm will stop after one minute) and read out "take your medicine" as a reminder. Make sure there are no tripping hazards such as scatter rugs, wires, clutter, etc. Install a bed rail to help her get in and out of the bed, grab bars in the bathroom, brighter led lighting in lamps, motion lights for the darkness. Purchase and install a couple of wifi cameras in which you can monitor her from your cell. They are inexpensive and don't require monthly fees.(ex Wyze brand).
If her PCP isn't a cardiologist, find one and get her there to get her on the proper meds, plus perhaps get the assessment for dementia you want. I know that Medicaid has specific forms for this that would need to be filled out if you are planning to get Medicaid assistance.
If by some chance she ends up in the hospital, you do not have to accept release back to her home. If you tell them there is no one to care for her, the social worker there will help find you placement for her. Stand your ground.
Don't panic! You are not at the mercy of her PCP - move on and take control of this dire situation. Find a local eldercare advocacy group who can guide you through this process. I know it seems overwhelming now but you can do it, step by step.
things in different states; But i think the doctorjust doesn't want to deal with the
problem.
File a complaint with the medical board against the current doctor once you get Mom sorted out. I'm going to guess that this has been her doctor for a hundred years, Mom loves him/her, and the doctor himself should have retired years ago. This sounds exactly like my mother's doctor who darned near killed her by prescribing antidepressants when in reality her lungs were filling up with fluid and drowning her.
Doctors can be replaced. There is no reason why your mom cannot be seen by someone else.