How do you handle a dementia patient losing money at home frequently and accusing us of stealing it? Should they have money on them?

She could have a little lock box in her room to keep her money. And a little purse that she really likes to carry her money when she wants to have it with her. My Grandpa was losing his teeth & his eyeglasses often...and getting very upset..that we had moved them..or thrown them away. I put a little plastic box for the teeth...one in the living room & one in his bedroom. And a box with a picture of a famous baseball player (from the Dodgers, his favourite team) in the living room & his bedroom. So he puts his teeth & eyeglasses in his Fred Boxes now. And rarely loses them. It has helped a lot Additionally Rosemary s 'the herb of 'remberance' . It smells and taste's very pleasant. I put a small teaspoon of dried rosemary powder on his oatmeal each morning. And sometimes he will drink a cup of rosemary & sage tea with honey. It definitely helps. I take it myself when Im studying

No-- family should take care of bills and any monies---- the first year we found out MOM had over and over sent money to various greedy charities-- we confiscated her purse and all forms of ID.. as well as her Driver's License since would never be allowed behind the wheel ever again.... anyone who does not appoint a POA is asking for swindlers to call and show up thinking they have the authority to "help" when they are pure and simple con men and women---
Another smart practice-- never let the courts appoint a caretaker-- most of them are just as human as the regular thieves-- and will more than often steal when given the chance--
And our best CNAs and we went thru a bunch of them-- were older not young teens-- and were vetted thru the company were doing business with.
Best advice-- take away the wallet and check book. And never give any money to them-- if you go shopping-- with your demented loved one-- you pay every time. The old life is passed away-- your loved one is a new creation. Old never mixes with new,,, put away the old life-- it is gone. Good luck. Oh-- rule number one-- when faced with "situations"-- always change the subject to a more important issue. -- Expl-- " Where is that $5 bill I set here? -- Mom-- just a minute-- your daughter wants to know if you are still going out to eat with us tomorrow-- and oh-- did you want your favorite dessert ? " Just change the subject. You are dealing with someone who cannot handle two trains of thought. Use your head. Don't let her demons beat you over yours.

Imho, an individual with dementia does not have the lucidity to possess money nor a debit card.

Ah dementia - so fun. This isn't so much a solution, but something to give you a smile - I hope.

Dad was money obsessed and always worried about money (I always swore he cried every time he parted with a nickel). I was surprised when Mom gave me the check book - she was still able to balance the checkbook, I guess she was tired of messing with it. This was while they were still in independent living. Because dad fell a lot (stokes in the balance center of his brain - who knew), they moved to A/L but a couple of years later my dad who was 90 and tired of living got bad enough to get moved to the SNF. I always made sure they had cash to take care of incidentals and they had credit cards.

Well of course when dad moved to the SNF part of the community he no longer needed money or credit cards. However, he was upset because he had no money, so at the beginning mom would put a few singles in his dresser underneath some clothing and tell him where it was. Well as he was now in hospice they took him off all his meds except the ones for keeping him comfortable - so he always forgot where the money was. Mom finally took the money back.

One time dad wanted some money and I asked what he needed it for and he said his meals, Well dad your rent covers your meals also. Really? Yes they include all your meals.

On another visit he needed $25 that he needed to pay some woman for something she bought him - boy was he upset - finally I told, Dad I sent her a check this morning, it's all taken care of.

Another time the phone rang at 9pm - I picked it up resigned because I knew the SNF was calling to say he fell - again! But no, it was Dad, he was freaking out because he needed $660 - now! Finally I calmed him down and explained it was late and I couldn't possibly get that much money at this time of night and I promised I would bring the money first thing in the morning. He was happy and I prayed he wouldn't remember the conversation from the night before - and no he did not.

He always claimed mom was out spending all their money; spending it on her boyfriends ?? - which of course she did not do on boyfriends she did not have. - Ah - good times!

Dad died about a year and half ago. I kind of miss our money discussions - It makes me smile and laugh to remember them.

The not so funny discussion dad and I had was when mom and dad gave me the POA. He and I were in the waiting room of his DR. He was worried that I'd take their money for myself; "money does funny things to people" - that of course really ticked me off. I told mom that if that was how he felt about it, I'd refuse to be POA and when the time came he would be appointed a guardian - which would cost him money. Well it worked out in the end. Mom is still living - in lock down and both of us are counting down the days when we have physical contact again.

I'm sorry about the upset to your household. Is she at the point where she wouldn't tell the difference between real money and monopoly money or play money. If so, keep some somewhere in her room and pull it our when she can't find the money she took out of the bank and say here it is. If not, keep some of her money in the house and pull it out when she can't find what she did with hers.

Good Luck and may God bless you all.

You can’t possibly comprehend how ugly it can get to give them access to accounts, but give her $5 in singles. She’ll b happy, and you’ll feel good.

what a dilemma!
1. are the family members who regularly take her to the bank getting a cut of the withdrawal? Perhaps that's a reason they are so amenible to the errand. Maybe they should be responsible for giving you the receipt from the bank. This would help you know how much money your mother has.
2. whenshe accuses you of stealing --act the way you would if she were 4 years old. Don't engage, leave the room, use your headphones. She wants interaction with you even if it's bad interaction. When she comes home from the bank maybe she could make piles of her cash to show you. Show and tell.
3. Of course she says she can handle the $ and the debit card. It's her way of holding on to her old life when she WAS in control. She's not so much mad as frustrated and mad at herself. What does she buy with her debit card? Find a NICE box for her to put her valuables in. Get her into the habit of putting her money and CC in it.
4. Would you let a 4 year old have access to his piggy bank at all times? No, of course not. You two are changing roles and it's not fun for each of you. But stick to your guns.

Why on earth is someone allowing her to get money out of the bank in her mental status? Why is this account not closed or required to have TWO signatures so the money can be controlled? What does she need money for? And as the credit card, why not just cancel it or say it was lost or perhaps put a limit of a few hundred dollars on it. And as to be accused of stealing, I would be furious and let her know it. She is living in your house so YOU have to SET RULES AND BOUNDARIES.....and make them stick - or god help you.

Does she spend it? Or just likes to have it around the house?

Amazon sells realistic counterfeit money!

If she doesn’t spend it, tell her that you went to the bank for her.

The fake money is cheap. It’s $20 bills just like an atm stop!

This has been an ongoing problem for us from the get go.  My moms siblings give her money and she hides it or loses it ...who knows.  I keep telling them not to give her money.  She doesn't know what day it is, what time it is or what season it is...she has no business handling money.
I told my uncle he may has well roll his window down and throw the money out as he is driving home.  They just don't get it.  After a couple of years of this argument, I finally took my moms purse that had dirty underwear, a fork, tweezers, some socks and an old birthday card in it and removed any debit cards or money.  She doesn't even remember to ask about it now. 

This is so hard to deal with....the accusations, the mistrust, the constant looking.  I don't know your moms personality or the extent of her dementia, but would fake money or just a couple of ones in a wallet suffice?  Maybe several wallets in various hidden spots like a dresser or under a couch cushion?  When she asks
about it, just say oh I know where you hid that, check under the couch cushion.

When my mom is on a rant or repeat, I try to drastically change the subject by asking her a question.  Mom, where would you like me to put these towels?  Mom do you use vegetable oil or olive oil when making that cake? etc...

I would find a way to get a Power of Attorney and immediately close the accounts or have you sign anything if money is needed. And I would make it very plain that the people are NOT going to take her to the bank. Take credit cards and money away from her - what on earth does she need that for? I simply would set the law down and set boundaries and tell her this will NOT be tolerated under any circumstances. Sounds like dementia. DO NOT LET HER HANDLE THIS MONEY.