My mom is showing signs of early dementia and at times she knows it. Still, she wants to be independent but it's clear she's in over her head. At the early warning signs I hid her keys to prevent her from driving but for the past month she asks me at least 3 times a day for her fob. I explain the situation to her as calm as possible but sometimes I grow tired. I've been thinking I could giver her her keys but remove the batteries.
She's paying for a 2016 Nissan Altima that can only operate with a fob. I remember before the dementia her fob died once and would only allow her to unlock the doors. Fixing the fob is hard to do so I wouldn't have to worry about her doing anything irrational and besides I have friends watch her during the day until her disability begins. They don't mind taking her places either.
So anyway, should I give her a dead key? Does that sound like a good plan or is that mean?
Soon after the assessment we removed the car when he was receptive. Eventually we gave it to my daughter and let my father be a hero, but I also would have sold it to a business who buys cars as I did with my FIL's car.
Your father would need to be present to sign the transfer, but that is only a one time project, it is better than replaying the battle again and again. Looking back on the before and after, I would have kicked in some money to help make it happen.
Playing up the positives, such as the money from the sale, helps. Going to lunch or some other positive activity afterwards is also good. Getting a good price is not important as getting rid of it quickly.
The battles fade when the car is no longer there.
The trouble is, a dead key might stop her actually driving it onto the road but if you can get into a car and release its handbrake and steering lock you can still do a heck of a lot of damage. Seen it happen. And that's apart from the worry and anger she might experience when she can't make the key work.
Also: where does she want to go most regularly, and what could you set up as alternative transport for her?
I was lucky I guess, my mom and dad did not fight me about driving and we gave the car to my brother.
My friend disconnected something on her mom’s car, thinking that it would solve the issue. Her mom called AAA out and they fixed it. She started driving her car again, so I doubt the dead fob would work. She will get it replaced with new one.
If the car is in good shape, the sooner you sell it the more money you'll get for it, which will help pay for care.
Don't know if you remember or even heard of what happened a number of years ago where an older person with dementia hit some people, didn't even realize he did it. The poor man...and the people he hit.
If I were you, have her take a driving test or lesson, or have the DMV or doctor make that decision for you, so it's not your fault that she cannot drive. That would be heartbreaking too. Dementia sometimes turns into a tape loop, the same scenario or thought will keep playing in their minds. You cannot feel guilty about that. Best thing, go to her next doctor's appointment and ask him straight up with mom beside you, is mom still capable of driving safely?