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I had the same issue with my father On our next doctor visit I slipped his doctor a note saying My fathers driving is extremely dangerous, please take his licence away and blame it on his disease The doctor was very professional keeping me, his caregiver completely out of it good luck
Yes, this is an important step although many people will STILL drive regardless of having a license or not. With dementia, they can do anything and do not have the cognitive abilities to ... know what is going on.
I made sure my car was parked behind his so he couldn't back out. When my hubby who had Alz grabbed some hidden keys I didn't know about, He couldn't move it because I was parked behind him He ranted and raved. I did not move my car for three days, I even had to cancel a doctor's appointment. Finally he gave me the set of keys. He did not have keys to my car and never drove it. In a lucid moment, he wanted to give his truck to the grandson. I had that truck gone in less than 2 hours. My heart aches for you. I wish I had an answer.
"He is stubborn, secretive, spiteful, angry. Did not find out about accident for days."
Sounds familiar. This describes my dH at certain times in the past. Doctor advised we treat each other with kindness.
He was walking our dog, and it allegedly bit a neighbor who provoked it, my dH did not tell me until he asked a question at the vaccination clinic a day later.
He is still secretive. Does not want me to talk to his associates (a narcissistic trait). We both are volunteering, and his leader emailed a question and a thank you to me. Overlapping roles.
His anger has left. I had been surprised when he treated me like the enemy years ago, preferring advice from his church friends about an attorney helping dH get a Veterans benefit, something I had already checked out and he did not qualify. We had a stranger attorney calling us! None of their business.
I am telling you this because.....
Sometimes, allowing someone else to enforce the no longer driving may help you both to remain friends in your marriage. Seek help.
Put a bumper sticker on his car (at the last minute before he drives) that reads: -------------------------------- How am I driving? Call 911 if you see something. --------------------------------
Take the car away. Do you want him to kill himself or others? You have to intervene. Doesn't matter if he is stubborn, etc. If you are intimidated, leave the house. Call APS. This cannot continue. Get into therapy. You are allowing this behavior to continue, likely due to fear / low self-esteem.
Can you sell the car? Or at least store it somewhere where husband can not access it. He will be angry if you take the car away. Be prepared for that. He doesn't want to accept, or doesn't realize his diminished capability. Arguing about his ability to drive is not worth the energy and the breath and the hurt feelings. Just remove the car so it is not an option. You can show him how easy it is to get a ride from a ridesharing service, or perhaps a friend or volunteer. There are medical transport services, if he qualifies for that, which might even be paid by insurance (or medicare/medicaid). People get used to their independence, and don't want to give it up. It truly is a danger for him to be driving. An innocent person could be killed in the next accident. Don't let that happen.
If you are keeping the car for your use, then you too must get used to not having a car.
This is what I did with my husband who has dementia. It is very hard to stick with it, but I am. The doctor told him he should not drive, which is when I took the keys. I'm in the process of having our insurance company cancel his coverage to ensure he does not drive.
I've only read a couple of comments here, with very good advice, and your answers why they won't work, Chyron.
It seems clear that you either need to apply to the courts for guardianship, or you call social services and say that your husband with dementia has become a danger to himself and others and you can no longer care for him. Personally, I don't think that you should become his guardian, as you are not able to care for him. You need to prioritise your safety, so let social services (or whoever APS are) take over from you.
Right now, your husband has access to money and can do anything he wants, without having the capacity to take responsibility. Well, someone has to take responsibility - either you or social services.
First step - take away his driving licence and hide it where he can't find it. I wouldn't have thought that car hire companies can let a person without a license drive a car away.
Next step, call 911 the next time your husband seems out of control, threatening or aggressive. Let him be taken in for a psychiatric evaluation. Your husband needs to be forced into residential care.
You need to take the keys away from him. My dad had one car accident, then got lost once, then got lost again and was found on a two lane highway without gas in the middle of the road. After worrying where my dad was all day and night, he was found asleep in the middle of the road. Do it to protect your spouse and others that could also be hurt or killed!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
On our next doctor visit I slipped his doctor a note saying
My fathers driving is extremely dangerous, please take his licence away and blame it on his disease
The doctor was very professional keeping me, his caregiver completely out of it
good luck
than 2 hours. My heart aches for you. I wish I had an answer.
Sounds familiar. This describes my dH at certain times in the past. Doctor advised we treat each other with kindness.
He was walking our dog, and it allegedly bit a neighbor who provoked it, my dH did not tell me until he asked a question at the vaccination clinic a day later.
He is still secretive. Does not want me to talk to his associates (a narcissistic trait). We both are volunteering, and his leader emailed a question and a thank you to me. Overlapping roles.
His anger has left. I had been surprised when he treated me like the enemy years ago, preferring advice from his church friends about an attorney helping dH get a Veterans benefit, something I had already checked out and he did not qualify.
We had a stranger attorney calling us! None of their business.
I am telling you this because.....
Sometimes, allowing someone else to enforce the no longer driving may help you both to remain friends in your marriage. Seek help.
--------------------------------
How am I driving?
Call 911 if you see something.
--------------------------------
They do not have cognitive / reasoning abilities.
Calling 911 will happen after he kills or maims someone.
Do you want him to kill himself or others?
You have to intervene.
Doesn't matter if he is stubborn, etc.
If you are intimidated, leave the house.
Call APS. This cannot continue.
Get into therapy. You are allowing this behavior to continue, likely due to fear / low self-esteem.
He will be angry if you take the car away. Be prepared for that.
He doesn't want to accept, or doesn't realize his diminished capability. Arguing about his ability to drive is not worth the energy and the breath and the hurt feelings. Just remove the car so it is not an option.
You can show him how easy it is to get a ride from a ridesharing service, or perhaps a friend or volunteer. There are medical transport services, if he qualifies for that, which might even be paid by insurance (or medicare/medicaid).
People get used to their independence, and don't want to give it up. It truly is a danger for him to be driving. An innocent person could be killed in the next accident. Don't let that happen.
If you are keeping the car for your use, then you too must get used to not having a car.
If he threatens you, call 911 for an involuntary admission to a hospital to evaluate his mental health.
It seems clear that you either need to apply to the courts for guardianship, or you call social services and say that your husband with dementia has become a danger to himself and others and you can no longer care for him.
Personally, I don't think that you should become his guardian, as you are not able to care for him. You need to prioritise your safety, so let social services (or whoever APS are) take over from you.
Right now, your husband has access to money and can do anything he wants, without having the capacity to take responsibility. Well, someone has to take responsibility - either you or social services.
First step - take away his driving licence and hide it where he can't find it. I wouldn't have thought that car hire companies can let a person without a license drive a car away.
Next step, call 911 the next time your husband seems out of control, threatening or aggressive. Let him be taken in for a psychiatric evaluation.
Your husband needs to be forced into residential care.