How can I give up my Power of Attorney?

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How can I give up my Power of Attorney?

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Sorry, I didn't really answer your question but instead told you about my problem. I guess I'm kind of like Don Imus, the radio talk show host, who says that he gets nervous if after 5 minutes the conversation doesn't turn to something about him!

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Daughter1926, were you able to give up POA? I'm in a similar situation except my problem is my father has no assets because he either gambled or gave away everything to younger ladies of questionable character. He foolishly thought they were going to stay around and take care of him. He is 78 and also has dementia and Parkinson's. He lives by himself in an apartment and has some help during the daytime. I feel he needs 24/7 care though. He can't cook, clean or drive and also has urinary incontinence. He has refused every assisted living place we (brothers and sisters) have taken him to and won't even entertain the thought of seeing another one. He has no savings and owes federal and state taxes. He is living off his pension and social security but half of that goes for someone to assist him. He thinks he can still do everything and that he has no problems. I live on the east coast and he lives on the west coast so it makes it more difficult to assist with his affairs. My brothers and sisters will help to an extent but won't take him in. We tried to warn him about his behavior but he just told us that we are not his boss. I've done just about everything I can do for him. I'm living on the edge myself. I see someone in order to deal with anxiety. I'd like to get out from under all of this. I can't do much more for him.

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I just want to give up poa

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Wowdaughter1926. I thought I was the only one feeling this way. I city everyday and want to end my life because I've been dealing with the same thing for 3years. Every time you try to move forward there is a road block. If I end joy life then it won't be my problem anymore and my brothers my husband and my fathers brothers will figure it out. Cuz I get no help.

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It is a huge burden to be POA for a parent, even if that parent is not difficult. The nursing homes expect YOU to pay if Medicaid doesn't, even if they can't make you, they can make life extremely difficult. They will threaten to evict your parent. This is such a huge problem in this country. Adult children should not be responsible for parents who didn't make sure they would be taken care of. I want to help my parent but do not want to be in the position of being responsible for EVERYTHING, and being the one who the nursing home calls all the time. I have children and a family myself. This is literally making me sick. I am worried all the time. My mother gave money away to a grandchild which may jeopardize her getting Medicaid and it becomes my problem!

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daughter1926,I am sorry, I didn't take that you were disparaging them. My daughter and son in law who are attorneys make fun of them, even ones they work with! It comes witht the territory. But I know a few really good ones and elder services would be a great place to start. Just remeber to get one that specializes in elder law. You are so wise to ask all of these great questions. Just keep asking and you will get all the information you need. Take care and good luck.

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Thank you very much. How lucky I was to find this site. !!

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Maybe if you call elder services in your area or where your father lived they could recommed a lawyer specializing in elder affairs. Also, sometimes Elder Services has lawyers who volunteer their time to help families with many of these situations. Sometimes they can be quite candid about who they recommend especially if you explain the necessity of having someone you can truly trust. Sorry you are going through this. It is not easy. Let us know how you make out. Blessings and take care.

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I was not trying to disparage attorneys, I meant that this is a "hazy" areas and so many people don't know the questions I have been asking, I feel I really need a well recommended attorney in this area. Any ideas where I could find one? Who would I ask "who is good?"

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Yes, seek the advice of an elder lawyer. Believe me, lawyers "get" more than you think. I have two in my family, they are not dumb. What lawyers do is specialize in certain areas of law. So it is our duty to hire the one with a speciality in whatever need we have. That is where some make mistakes.Assuming all lawyers know everything about all law. And like many things, there are the good ones and the bad ones. Also, ask who is good. You need to have many questions answered and answered properly.

When you resign your POA, there will not be one unless your father appoints another, if he can. Maybe you can hire a good, ethical lawyer to handle everything. There is never an easy answer when dealing with a difficult parent. I still have many unanswered problems with mine. Good luck to you.

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Would the state put the lien on the time shares? That will be interesting since it is really NOT an asset (remember they cannot be sold because no one wants them or any of the other units in that building) but a liability.

Is it safe to sign as POA? Once I relinquish my POA, who signs then? My demented dad? My thought is not to sign anything until "my attorney reviews it" although I am desperately looking for an attorney who really "gets" this stuff. Any recommendations?

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Daughter - I understand more now how you feel. Do you thing if your father spends down all his money to the $2,000 allowed by medicaid, that he would be approved. The properties he owns would have a lien put on them and it would be up tot he state to get their money upon his demise. As far as being responsible for anything owed by your father - a lawyer once told me, just don't sign ANYTHING - and I never have. It is a nightmare you are going through - but, I have overheard workers talking at my mother's nursing home to the effect that one of the resident's family members no longer wanted to be involved with the care, etc. and the nursing home was assuming the responsibility. You have to do what you have to do and until I've walked in your shoes, I don't know all that you have been through. It's sad that it turns out like this, but many elderly bring it upon themselves, unfortunately.

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Colorado does not have the filial law (thank goodness - what a horrible thing that states can do to people!! It's not like we chose to be born, right?). Thanks for the information on the Form, I'll get it downloaded and taken care of. Sorry to hear about your mother and your burden(s) as well. What a nightmare so many of us have to go through.

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That seems to be according to the state you live in. There is a strange law called the filial law in 30 states. It tries to make children responsible for their parents but in the past has not been inforced. I would do some research about the laws of your particular state and what is considered negligence.

I am with you, I don't want to be forced to take care of my mother. She has done everything she can to keep me in the dark about her business. So I figure she doesn't want me to be involved. Fine with me.

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One last question, will this resign me also from any claims of negligence. Mind you, any one can file a claim about this, so I get that. But in terms of culpability, I want to be completely removed. There is nothing wrong. He has not been harmed. He is safe, etc. But, if the nursing home eventually needs to remove him from their care since he will run out of money, I don't want the one being held responsible for negligence by "doing nothing" because I used to be his POA and then gave it up.

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There is a Resignation of Agent form on line. Just Google it. Print it out, fill it out and have it notarized. Give copy to your father and anyone else who has you as the agent.

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I appreciate people's help. No, he definitely will not move into my home. What I need to do and know is how do I get rid of the POA?

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Daughter1926, I am so sorry for what you are experiencing.My father verbally and emotionally abused me also. He had the good graces to die before my mother and no one had to take care of him except her.

Both my parents were very narcissistic and emotionally immature. They both came from broken homes. They just didn't/don't have it to give. I have tried for years to get my mother to make me an alternate on her POA in case I needed to take over for my brother. No go.

So I am at peace with letting the courts deal with her if it comes to that. She can go into whatever they deem appropriate. I have warned her and she would rather accuse me of wanting her money, etc. etc.

I read between the lines on your post that there is much pain. I hope you get some help for the anger (and I know there is anger, I have it still) and other bad feelings you have.

No one can make you take care of your father. The problems seem great with Medicaid. That is an eye opener. You need some professional advice as to what avenue to take to be able to get him help. Just don't take him into your home. If you don't agree with this statement, please read all the posts from people who have done this and the nightmare it has become.

I am sure you will get many comments. There are so many on thsi site with issues dealing with difficult parents. Sift through them and, in time, you will see your path. Good luck

Good luck to you.

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He will be kicked out because that is when medicare coverage will be stopped - they only cover for 21 days post hospitalization. Typically the next thing people say is, "Well, let medicaid cover it." No can do. He was denied medicaid last year when we applied due to the fact that he has two timeshares and those are considered assets. Sell them people say. No can do. There is no market - and they are garbage, no one one wants them. Give them away people say. No can do, they come with a $1,800 per year HMO liability. Stop paying the HMO. Have done so, they have made no move to reposess - highly unlikely they will. Give them to State. Would love to. Tell me how.

So, no medicaid. So, pay down all his assets to the nursing home until they are depleted - That will be accomplished in about 3 months since the home runs about $4,500 per month and he has about $18,000 to his name. He already spent the value of his reverse mortgage down to zero so that is no possibility.

Ok, so what happens to him when that is done all assets are spent and he doesn't qualify for medicaid? No one can tell me. Guess he goes home right? Well, since he is a "danger to himself" he can't really, can he?

He mentally and emotionally abused me my entire life and I have only become POA in the last two years because I believed it to be the right thing to do. However, I cannot pursue resolving all these issues any more. I do not have time, nor the desire. I do not care where he ends up and I do not care how the state gets their money. I am done, want to wash my hands and walk away.

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Daughter, 1926, sorry I clicked too soon before I finished above post. After you resign from POA, you would have to have a legal guardian appointed by the court. Do you really want that to happen? Believe me, I do understand how you are feeling, but as a representative from Elder Services told me; if you go that route for guardianship, you will lose all control as to where your father can be placed. I do know how they can drive you off the deep end, but when I realized that I could at least control the facility my mother was going to, and not have her in some hell hole, I decided to stick by her despite the fact that she was causing me so much stress. Take a couple of days to rethink everything, you don't want to do something you might regret later. I know washing your hands of it all is quite appealing and whatever you decide to do, I will be here if you want to vent and will not comment on your decision. Just wanted to make sure you had all the information before you do anything. Thinking of you and sending hugs. Take care.

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My heart goes out to you and I can see that you are at the end of your rope. If your father was just put into a nursing home today with dementia, why will he be released within 21 days? Are you also his Health Care Proxy representative? Have the doctor at the nursing home revoke his health care proxy which means he cannot leave the facility. You would be in charge and the doctor would not discharge someone with dementia who could be dangerous to himself - that would be considered AMA which is against medical advice.

I understand you don't want to be POA anymore. I know first hand how they can drive you to the end of your rope with their actions, accusations, and generally bad behaviour. There is language in the POA to the effect that you can resign from this. I don't have it in front of me, but recall seeing it.

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