My boyfriend of 3 years takes care of his mother (who is jobless because she is the care taker of her ex-husband), his step father who is his mom’s ex-husband and his sister’s father (he is bedridden from his stroke and can barely have a conversation), and his 17 year old autistic sister. He has made it clear he doesn’t want his sister to ever work and his mom can’t work because she will lose the caregiving check. He lives with his family and is the primary breadwinner. I am very much in love with him but I get deep anxiety about our future. Taking care of 1 person is enough but 3 people? I don’t want to be married at 35 and have children with this man and feel like our immediate family come second to his family. I also would hate to work so hard everyday to have a good portion of his check go to his family every month once we are married/all living together. I couldn’t imagine asking him to take care of my mother, father, AND brother. I feel so guilty and anxious about my potential situation. We are serious and I love him deeply but I don’t want to be robbed of my future. Are there any “in law” care giving stories or advice I can get?
A very wise person once said "if you want to be happily married, marry a happy person."
To extend that idea:
If you want to sacrifice yourself and your future, marry a man who has already resolved to sacrifice himself and his future.
But okay. Before I suggest you write him off and move on with your life - what is it that you love about him?