My mother had a stroke Feb. 15. She has been in hospitals and now rehab. She is not making progress and rehab will stop soon. She cannot walk. Is confused at times (not always), and needs lots of assistance. Every time I talk to her she says she wants to come home. I am devastated. I do not know what to do. Everyone tells me that I could not take care of her. My brothers think she should go into nursing home. I am so close to her and feel helpless and guilty.
However, she has dementia, but recognizes us and will ask questions about family members, but will forget that we visited. She also has diabetes and is not strong enough to walk the bathroom by herself. If she were able to walk I would bring her home but that was the deciding factor for me. The first nursing home did not work out, and luckily we found a really good one for Mom. She is well taken care of, eats three meals a day, which she was not doing before , and someone is there for her if she falls. I had always planned on her living with me, but it just didn't work out that way. But I do understand how you feel. I love her so much!
Anyway, thank you for your response. I guess we all do the best we can.
Debbie, did your Mother live alone or with you before the stroke?
Does that make it any easier at all to see how possible *home* is? I am so sorry you re going through this. For those with caring hearts it is so hard to say no to LO's pleas.
In your shoes, I would move Mum to the NH & commiserate with her. "Yes I am sad too that you can't go home yet. We'll just have to make do here for a while. It will be OK". Then try to get special permission to visit, based on the recent stroke - I don't want to scare you with the terms hospice or palliative, but these labels will allow visitors in.
What I'm trying to warn you of is that even if you could do all her care - if in your home, your Mother will most likely still want to *go home*.
My Mother begged to go home too after her stroke. Being in her 70's & having a healthy spouse made that possible (only just). When she got home the begging to *take her home* changed to *make the stroke go away so I can walk* over & over 😔.