I’ve already posted very long accounts of situation on here already, and received very thoughtful advice—so I will TRY to be brief. Dad (gaining on 95), is currently two weeks into rehab/SNF after a week and a half in hospital. It was facility opinion that he would be too high functioning to stay long term after rehab (which is projected for sixty days), and they referred to sister ALF. BUT, as I see it, Dads abilities are declining. He seems to really struggle with ADLs every time I do them with him. He falls asleep most of the day, and it’s futile to try to keep him awake—which may impact abilities because he is always confused for a while after waking. According to him, He is restless and wakeful at night. None of this is new, he was like this at home for a duration before hospital, like this in hospital. Lack of ADL ability is somewhat new. Intermittent confusion and unclear thinking seems more frequent in hospital and SNF, but was also happening at home. I’ve asked doc to look into a couple of possible medical issues that may be effecting. Because he is a fall risk, he hasn’t been allowed to ambulate except in therapy. (In hospital was allowed to use walker to bathroom with aid.). Here they wheel him into bathroom and help him transition. He does feel that his vision and hearing are worse since hospital (vision checked and acuity hasn’t changed).So this could definitely effect ADL and cognition… He isn’t eating well (same at home, ate well in hospital and initially in SNF). Even bringing favs from outside doesn’t help.
When I express concern over declines, his usual CNA (who is wonderful), responds “he can do that”! Is it possible that I approach ADLs in a way other than they do and maybe it confuses him? I get the feeling that they have the impression that I am trying to look for ways to leave him here (or maybe that’s my guilt talking). I am trying to see the best, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that these declines make me more concerned that ALF may be too much for him, and home as well. (I literally had to feed him last night because he couldn’t figure out how to move the spoon. Normal dad would not have tolerated that.)
Of course, he has six weeks to go before expected discharge. Just keep my mouth shut except at care meetings (first one is tomorrow)? Keep being there and encouraging his independence for all he could still do (like dressing, etc—OT is working with him)? Be more hands off and let them have more opportunities to gauge his abilities ?( I no longer stay all day, but go in at different times late morning, afternoon, dinner, etc). Relax a bit and recognize the man is almost 95 and is displaying same stuff he was at home and all docs knew about, and just support him in any way I can? Sorry, just trying to get my mind and emotions wrapped around all this…
I think your best choice would be Longterm care. An Assisted Living is not designed to care for someone with his needs. Memory care, they usually can do most of their ADLs, just their cognitively is going.
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After I posted the above I researched your previous posts. The following was posted on Dec 4 2025. I found an early June post where the doctors were suggesting Hospice. Why did you not go that way? Your Dad has so much wrong with him. I am going to be blunt, your father is dying. If you can't care for him, he needs to be placed in LTC with Hospice. With Hospice there are no more hospitals, no more doctors. His last days should not be where he is poked and prodded. Made to do PT when he is confused and tired. You need to let him go.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/time-for-placement-498028.htm
I'm for backing off and letting the professionals be in charge. Your role is supportive, to cheer for dad when there's nothing to cheer about, to show up with a bright smile, and to interact with his caregivers in a way that shows you aren't trying to do their job but trying to learn from them.
You recognize that you should relax a bit and seem to be looking for permission to do that. Go for it! Best of luck as you continue on this difficult journey with your dad.
Give yourself permission to breathe and relax. You don't need to figure it all out right now. It's good that you are thinking about his future care and formulating a plan. Go visit some skilled nursing facilities, if you haven't already, and get a sense of whether he belongs there. An admissions director will give you a tour and discuss the level of care he will need, although it is a little premature, as he is expected to continue rehab therapy for another 6 weeks.
From what you have described here, it sounds to me like he is just tired and kind of ready to give up. He maybe doesn't want to make the effort to be more independent. But for now, give the therapy team a chance to work with him and give him some encouragement, and see where it goes.
To address his restlessness at nights, and difficulty sleeping, ask if there is a doctor on staff who can prescribe a medication to help him sleep thru the night, or something to reduce agitation and restlessness. Trazodone worked like magic for my husband. He now sleeps all night and is awake all day.