Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
You say you have a home health aide. Does your husband try to chase them away? You do not need to explain it to your husband, nor do you need his approval. If he is suffering from cognitive impairment, or if he is just delusional, or he has full function, but just disagrees with your needs, he can not be reasoned with. You do not need to convince him. You need to make decisions to protect your own health and well-being. If hiring a home health aide helps you, then that is the right decision for you to make. Don't look for his approval, just do it.
I’m going on the limited information that you provided. Good news, it sounds like you have access to your marital finances and you should use that to provide hired care for your husband. You call care agencies and hire help or look for private caregivers through referral or sometimes hospice agencies have names and contact for private caregivers. You pay out of pocket privately. This type of care costs close to $100,000. Dollars per year. To keep them at home with private care. Still ambulatory and mostly independent. 24/7 intense care with bed bound and Hoyer lift and total care costs twice as much. You tell husband you need help and don’t accept any response but okay. Don’t count on friends or family help long term. They burn out and see the handwriting on the wall and long haul sacrifices. When the care is too much at home, he goes to care home, both to ALF with hired additional help or SNF. Move to an area where this type of care is readily available in or near large metropolitan areas with good nursing facilities and hospitals and near family. Family may not participate. But easier if you are close in a large city with care facilities and support. Out on a farm, ranch, some remote romantic family property does not work with failing old people over 90. In city, Alf or no maintenance patio home with access to all city facilities and paid private care agencies can keep them home longer. Don’t ask. Tell and do.
You need to cut back on your many chores and duties....look locally (on Nextdoor.com) for a housekeeper to come in once a week, or twice a month minimum. Order groceries on line and have them delivered. Same with Meds. For the bills, put them on Auto-Pay. Figure out the chores that are wearing you out, and hire people to do them.
Apparently Husband is incontinent, so that would be a deal breaker to most women. I would be searching for a facility for him already. No adult man can expect their wife to be stuck with the nasty chore of wiping them or changing their diapers on a daily basis, and tolerate doing it.
Have the home health aide visit more often and stay out more than you do. Or create a private space for yourself (basement? attic?) and retreat there.
As others have mentioned, he's not going to understand. Ever. You need to move ahead with whatever will make the situation easier for you. That is (probably) more distance between you more often. He's not the man you married, the one that was going to stand by you no matter what and live happily ever after. Dementia means no happily ever after.
Placement in a facility may be necessary soon. There he will have friends, activities, and won't expect so much attention from you. I hope you'll consider it, and good luck.
With dementia he’s sadly lost the ability to reason and understand this necessity for you both. He won’t get it no matter how you present it. This is the time you make decisions on what’s best for you both. If he’s too agitated he may need medication to calm him. Or it might not be possible for him to live at home anymore. Please don’t sacrifice your own health, or you certainly won’t be any good for him
I am a man/spouse and your husband needs to get over being selfish and only worrying about himself. I dedicated myself to my wife's wellbeing many years ago. I personally cannot stand MACHO BS. I am retired from the US ARMY and Civil Service. I was a Military Policeman for over 20 years and unfortunately had to apprehend too many MACHO types that professed love for their spouse but only thought about their own needs and failed to support their spouse. I could go on and on but just tell him you need the extra help. If he can't or won't provide it, then he needs to support you and get it for you. I am on this site to support my wife! If he becomes violent, do not be afraaid to call the police for help. Good luck, Stay safe!
Thank you Iadaca for your service. And your suggestion, I don't feel this is a matter of Machoism so much as altered brain function. When people experience cognitive impairment, you don't know what you're going to get. You just have to take control no matter what they think. A person with cognitive impairment is no longer in charge.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Does your husband try to chase them away?
You do not need to explain it to your husband, nor do you need his approval.
If he is suffering from cognitive impairment, or if he is just delusional, or he has full function, but just disagrees with your needs, he can not be reasoned with.
You do not need to convince him. You need to make decisions to protect your own health and well-being. If hiring a home health aide helps you, then that is the right decision for you to make. Don't look for his approval, just do it.
Apparently Husband is incontinent, so that would be a deal breaker to most women. I would be searching for a facility for him already. No adult man can expect their wife to be stuck with the nasty chore of wiping them or changing their diapers on a daily basis, and tolerate doing it.
As others have mentioned, he's not going to understand. Ever. You need to move ahead with whatever will make the situation easier for you. That is (probably) more distance between you more often. He's not the man you married, the one that was going to stand by you no matter what and live happily ever after. Dementia means no happily ever after.
Placement in a facility may be necessary soon. There he will have friends, activities, and won't expect so much attention from you. I hope you'll consider it, and good luck.
Get him in respite care at a Memory Care Assisted Living facility for a week or a month, and place him there permanently if necessary.
Also, please provide appropriate details in future posts so we don't have to read your old posts to find them.
I don't feel this is a matter of Machoism so much as altered brain function.
When people experience cognitive impairment, you don't know what you're going to get. You just have to take control no matter what they think. A person with cognitive impairment is no longer in charge.
If you want more helpful comments, please provide more details. At least, complete your profile.