My mom is so scared of getting in the shower. She will do anything to get out of a shower, including lie and say she just took one. (Lol). She whimpers and says she feels shaky. It makes her nervous.
She only showers once a week and that is only so she can wash her hair. Every day she gives herself a "whore's bath" (her words). In other words, she washes thoroughly in the bathroom sink with a washcloth. She washes all parts.
She is mobile. She can walk and make her own breakfast and lunch. She's got some dementia (undiagnosed but it's general - short term memory, some confabulation). She DOES get confused about which way is hot, which way is cold and which bottle is the shampoo bottle.
I sit in there on the toilet the whole time. I hand her the shampoo and remind her which way the hot and cold is. I hand her her towel. She has the sink and bars she holds onto to get in. It's a regular bath and we are renting in independent living. (I live with her - that's why we don't need assisted living which would be unaffordable.) Oh and she can't stand strangers. She's a highly nervous person and has even developed this nervous vocal tick (which upsets me.)
It takes an hour or so to get her shower-ready; the bathroom warm enuf with the heater and talk her into going in. If I could wash her hair in the sink I would but it's physically not possible. The sinks are too high. I got a shower extension and a seat and tried just having her sit in the seat. She yowled and howled for that too. Poor thing. It stresses her and stresses me. The only alternative that I can think of is taking her to the beauty parlor once a week to get it shampooed and set (I set it). But leaving the house freaks her out too. Not as much but she says she doesn't want to do that.
I dread Friday - Shower Day. So does she. Any suggestions appreciated. Btw, she's 103 but looks 89.
1 - Invest in only a shampoo that she can also use on her body. This eliminates the "which one is shampoo" issue.
2 - Consider dry shampoos as well as shampoo caps - products that clean her hair without using the tub.
3 - Change the time of her shower/bath. Most folks with dementia are less anxious in the earlier parts of the day (before dinner). She might be "braver" in the morning.
4 - Talk with her doctor about her anxiety about water, tub, shower... She might benefit from a mild anti-anxiety medication given 1 hour before bath/shower time.
i used this for my Mom EZ Care - Inflatable Shampoo Basin for bed , my Mom like it and didnt leak
- a portable/rollable shampoo bowl. Don't want to make any promo, but here is a model I would recommend (https://www.walmart.com/ip/Costway-Pro-Portable-Shampoo-Basin-Height-Adjustable-Salon-Hair-Treatment-Bowl-Black/136958379)
- use a traveling hairstylist who can shampoo and style your mom's hair once a week. I know I offer reasonable prices and there are a one or two online platforms out there, where you can book a local hairstylist coming to you and trying to keep prices affordable.
I know this solve only the pb of the shampoo, but I know from experience it makes the shower a lot easier.