I am full-time caregiver for my 90-year-old husband, who has White Matter dementia. He often wakes me up at night, so I nap during the day. He has taken to going out the front door while I'm asleep. Once he's out, he's lost. Doesn't know his address or phone number.
Sometimes, I can find him quickly. Other times, neighbors have found him and called the police. The police want me to put a tracking bracelet on him, but he absolutely refuses (he is strong enough to prevent it). Also, the monthly subscription isn't cheap.
I would like to put a double-cylinder deadbolt on the front door, which I can lock while I'm sleeping, or doing home chores where I can't watch him every minute. It seems like such an easy solution. However, I'm concerned a locksmith may refuse to do this. And am not sure I can do a good job of replacing the lock myself.
Insights appreciated, thanks.
Here's the kind of dead bolt I have:
https://www.harneyhardware.com/products/keyed-double-cylinder-deadbolt-venetian-bronze-87351?gclid=CjwKCAjwp_GJBhBmEiwALWBQkz-AFNkKENjf60iDo-sZ6X_WkTg3yo-xDMkhK5zqQVGG7XLsHNLYeBoCzUAQAvD_BwE
There are tiles you can get for luggage and you can track it on your phone.
If he carries a cell phone you can track his phone with yours.
Instead of a double sided deadbolt (and I did that and spent 4 years wearing keys around my neck) try these "tricks"
Place a dark rug in front of each door. Many people with dementia will not go over a dark rug thinking it is a hole.
There are doorstops that have alarms so that if the door is opened the alarm will sound. They are typically sold as a safety doorstop that can be used on a hotel door in case the chain lock is cut the alarm will sound if the door is opened.
And a simple Hook and Eye lock would also work. Place it as high on the door as you can, most people do not look up and just the door banging a little will wake you up.
Now to some other "stuff" I am going to toss at you.
You should have a caregiver helping you during the day so you can get a nap without having to worry about him leaving.
Look into Adult Day Care a few hours several times a week will give you both a break.
If your Husband is a Veteran there may be services that the VA can offer.
Contact your Area Agency on Aging and see what services you might qualify for.
Oh! I just thought of something else I read that someone did and it worked for them. The had several different door knobs put on the door so it would confuse their loved because they could not "find" the right door knob. Not sure if you want a bunch of door knobs on your door....
And you might want to try a HUGE STOP sign on the door. It just might trigger the brain to stop.
The black rug doesn't fool him. He can (still) read signs but chooses to ignore them. He's actually highly intelligent - but without any memory at all, so his intelligence has nothing to work on, unless he's presented with an obstacle. Then he thinks of ways around it.
Re: in-home aide to watch him while I take a nap. Two issues - what would you suggest? Please don't think I'm being "negative." I really do appreciate suggestions but have tried most.
1) The only problem (so far) is going out the door - he doesn't turn on the oven, or do other weird things (at least not yet). As far as I can tell, nobody can keep him from going out the front door, if that's what he wants to do. He doesn't get into any trouble while he's wandering around. The only problem is, he doesn't remember how to get home. So he asks the first person he sees for help, then can't tell them where he lives. Also, he doesn't have a cell phone. Never had any interest in one, even when he was fully functioning. That was "my department."
2) "Watchers" need to be scheduled in advance - and minimum of 4 hours, or it's not worth their/their agency's time to send them out. I don't take long naps, just 90 minutes max.
Any thoughts? I mean, besides "stick him in a home." I just have this intuition that he would not fit in. I could be wrong, though, and my plan is to at least call someone and discuss it. Obviously I couldn't take him there to visit - it would mean another hissy fit, and then they wouldn't want him anyway.
He is not a veteran, BTW. Wish one of us was.
The deadbolt locks on the outside. He can easily unlatch it from the inside.
Put it above his eye level, people experiencing a broken brain do not look up.
A double key lock is against fire code. You can do it but, be mindful that EMS will create a fuss if they see it. You could also have another one installed up high.
When she went to a NH, they put an ankle bracelet alarm on her and she would be down the block before anyone got to her, even when she was confined to a wheelchair.
You can try a black rug in front of the door, that stops some as they think it is a hole.
Best of luck. Wandering is often the straw that breaks home care.