My mom was formally diagnosed with vascular dementia & Alzheimer’s a year and a half ago and had a long journey before we got the official diagnosis. Her biggest issue has been the noise from the furnace in her building which keeps her up at night and it’s gotten so bad that she’s ended up in inpatient mental health for suicidal ideation 4 times now in the past 3 years. I don’t understand if she’s actually serious about her ideations and “inability to live like this” or if it’s just a cry for attention as each inpatient stay had correlated with my attention being put towards someone else. Nothing quite like waking up 8 months pregnant to a call from a police officer saying your mother tried to take her own life 🤪 but that’s beside the point. The furnace is no louder than any normal venting and truly is quiet from what I’ve heard when at her apartment and before she moved to the unit she is in she complained about the birds chirping outside and even her own voice. It’s such a unique complaint that no doctor seems to take her seriously and I think she doesn’t have the capacity to explain that she is easily over stimulated and doesn’t have any coping skills to handle it nor is she interested in gaining any. She won’t wear any sort of head phones or ear plugs, can’t stand white noise, and easily tires of the radio. I feel like she also has been smoking cigarettes on and off throughout it all and the irritability from the nicotine patches she used could potentially be a culprit but again no way of proving that theory. In the three years this has occurred there has been no solution it just seems to fade away for a while and then get worse again. So idk what exactly I’m looking for but maybe if anyone else has experienced anything similar with someone they know any shared situations might help me feel less crazy. She’s still fully independent, no longer drives, in charge of her slew of medication, and has a helper that comes once a week to do laundry and clean and to the outside world seems full functioning but I have a feeling it might be time to get her into assisted living where she has a nurse to talk to at midnight instead of the ER and someone keeping a closer eye on her medications. I just don’t know at what point that call is made and I don’t want her to resent me anymore as she already blames me for “abandoning” her by helping her sell her 5 bedroom home she was 2 weeks away from foreclosing on all so she wouldn’t have to file for bankruptcy and could be 5 blocks from me and my children where we see her regularly. So is 4 times in inpatient mental health enough of a reason to say she’s unfit to be on her own?
At night I tend to focus on the sound of the furnace or air-conditioner, but don't have that problem when visiting overnight elsewhere. When the sound becomes annoying, I found watching TV in bed is very helpful as it tend to drown out the noise.
Makes me wonder if there is something such as elderly autism. Maybe this never has been explored.
Much of her current ideation is likely due to her demented mind which is no longer capable of clear reasoning. Her intolerance of sounds is well explained by Oliver Sacks in his book Musicophilia about our brains and sound and about our brains on dementia. And no, her dementia almost certain precludes her successfully availing herself of sound blocking devices.
I think that her doctors will agree that she should not be alone anymore.
And this is something you should be discussing with her doctors, not really a forum of strangers and opinions.
Do consider placement now. Also do discuss with doctors whether your mother remains capable of decision making safely and of executive functioning. It is looking like you may need to take on POA or conservatorship at this point.
For some of us, facing down age, infirmity, dementia and these losses, life isn't a particularly satisfying option anymore. Many people do, in fact, long for a final exit given these challenges. I am hopeful your mother's doctors can help with medications that may help her muster through a bit better. I am so sorry.
I surely am sorry and wish you the best.
Extreme sensitivity to sound, often referred to as "hyperacusis," can be a common symptom experienced by people with dementia, making even normal noises seem excessively loud and overwhelming, causing distress and impacting their ability to function in daily life; this is because dementia affects the brain's ability to process sensory information, including sound, leading to difficulty filtering out background noise.
Key points about sound sensitivity and dementia:
Impact on quality of life:
Hearing is often the most significantly impacted sense in dementia, causing significant distress due to the inability to manage noise effectively.
Causes for sensitivity:
The brain damage associated with dementia disrupts the ability to process and interpret sounds properly, making even familiar noises seem unfamiliar and overwhelming.
Behavioral effects:
Excessive noise can lead to agitation, anxiety, confusion, and difficulty communicating in people with dementia.
Managing sound sensitivity:
Quiet environment: Create a calm and quiet space with minimal background noise.
That info came from Google. I have a condition myself where I overreact to sudden noises. When it acts up, I have to wear earplugs in the house because if my husband coughs, I jump out of my skin. Paxil helps me with this issue, thank God. I can tell you sound sensitivity is a horrible thing, with or without dementia. If none of the medical staff recognize hyperacusis in your mother, that's unbelievable and negligent!!
I don't know that it's realistic to expect a silent environment, either. Life happens and so does sound. I wonder if playing soft music would help? Or a white noise machine or a CD of a waterfall? You may have to experiment with sounds mom finds tolerable if there are any. Calming/anti anxiety meds should help as well.
I hope you can enlighten the doctors about this and get help for mom. Her stubborn refusal to wear earplugs or headphones is classic dementia behavior, but very unhelpful if she'd like some relief!
Best of luck to you.
I actually think my dad had this also. As a child we always had to be very quiet. Couldn't roll the car windows down. Had to fold those paper bags after doing groceries, after my father went to bed, chewing gum , was never aloud, and the TV had to be very low.
@ Britney, do you remember anything like that in your childhood that may be worse with age and dementia?