I just kicked mom's neighbor out of her home. Things are not what they once were and I am tired of her mansplaining neighbor whom I tolerated for years along with last year's worth of allegations by other family members who add nothing in sweat work projecting their own guilt to feel useful. Mom cries to family and this friend, usually when I am on an errand. It's the usual attention seeking what-a- horrible-daughter cleaning out her home. You would think it would be appreciated in the least. He proceeded to tell me that before I moved in with her everything was in it's place and mom took care of everything. It is her home and she indeed did take care of everything 30 years ago because my sister and I grew up and out of the home. She worked and retired and she aged and the house aged, and kids were born, and grand kids, and other family or friends or caregivers moved in and out. For the past three years she's had caregivers at home, home health, hospice, now palliative care .... Who did she appoint as power of attorney, her medical agent and who is acting in her best interest and at an expense of economic loss to my family because of her financial generosity of "her money" in the past. Why did she cry to him? Because she was home and put away cups half washed. I asked her to leave dishes alone now which made her defensive. I have been clearing decades worth of belongings of each family member. Her loss of independence and reliance on anyone is heartbreaking for someone who has been independent of anyone. I am not taking away her dignity and tired of educating others about caregiver compensating in this aging process. An elder can't live alone at a certain point and I stayed with her to observe and help her adjust. There's never enough support and decisions have to be made for their safety. Frankly, I expect a APS call from this neighbor.
If APS calls, allow them into the house. Answer any questions they have and keep calm. They may even be of some help. You have a right not to allow this neighbor into the home when ur there. And tell him, he makes an already hard job harder.
I heard a Doctor call someone similar "So-called well-meaning interfering do-gooders" 😂
You described a full life of independence, change, aging & dependence very very well.
(((Hugs)))
Maybe if you move on to a new position, you could still see this couple you care about from time to time as a friendly visitor instead?
So sorry for the aggravation that you are going through with this person next door.
You have enough to deal with without this foolishness from the neighbor. I hope the situation improves soon. Vent all you need to! We care.
You are appreciated, at the very least by us here on AC. THANK YOU for the great work you are doing for your loved one. 😊