help...I have been a caregiver for 11 years. i am isolated from friends because i am to uncomfortable around them. i have been left alone by family. i am alone and sleep all the time. i have no hope for an end my life is on hold. my husband is a stroke survivor . a massive stroke left him paralyzed on right side. unable to speak. he has apraxia also i am never sure what he understands. i have recently hired a caregiver to relive me of some his care needs but i still continue to sleep and don't take advantage of caregiver to get out. i think i waited to long and am afraid to venture outdoorsl.
Matthew 18:20:
For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the middle of them.
It is easy to criticize a "church" as a group of people. but you have to remember each person is an individual and as a group we sometimes do not function well because we sort of think someone else in the group is doing it.
My sister often blamed "the people at church" for not going out of their way to convert our dad or whatever and she complains about other things related to the people at church yet SHE is one of them and she has never volunteered for anything either. She never "made a simple phone call"
We see ourselves as needing but we don't see ourselves as part of the solution for others either.
Everyone is in some sort of situation and can use support.
Sometimes to get past the group mentality a more personal plea has to be made. Directly to the pastor who can then make sure someone is assigned the task. Otherwise people assume someone else is doing it.
I know I never considered myself one of the "workers" in the church and I have sat there for years in the pew and never gave a thought to being the ONE who would answer the plea for help. I was leaving that up to the people who were better at it or who are just plain better people.
don't blame "the church" they are all just people like you..
In addition to your caregiving responsibilities and your feelings of isolation you may be feeling some guilt because it is natural to have some bad feelings toward the loved one.
You may feel trapped and angry. Forced to live a life which you no longer control but you can get control but you may need some help from someone who can help you see a different point of view.
You may not feel like a WIFE anymore but rather a nurse so you have to deal with those feelings. Your husband is probably suffering many of the same feelings and probably needs help for depression too. If he is aware then he knows you are sleeping all of the time.
You can live a happy life and so can your husband.
I spend a great deal of time alone and isolated. I practically have gotten to the point where I hate to leave my house! Fortunately I have found that I do love to read and find a lot of peace in reading. I also have pets to care for which helps me a great deal.
Do you and your husband have a pet? They can be lifesavers.
One thing you may consider is volunteering at a place which supports a cause you care a lot about. We have a local animal shelter store which sells donated items. Working there is very uplifting and you meet wonderful people.
I called the Rectory and left several msgs for the Priest. I told his secretary that I'd gone to the elementary school, as had my sister. I told him I was baptised, made my first Holy Communion, Confirmed there. I further told him I'd married there, and both my sons were baptised there. I also told him that my mom use to work at the convent, which she did for 5 years. I told them that my mom had been making donations of $100.00 to the church for many a year....MANY A YEAR. It took several calls for me to get the priest over there.
The Priest called me and made arrangements to come over. He did not know our history with the church and had only been at this parish for 8 months. He also has another church so he pulls double duty.
I found him to be delightful and uplifting and a great sense of humor. He even got me to return to Mass at the church,
and he has been coming faithfully every since October atleast every week.
If you call, they will come. Explain your situation and you will feel a lot better.
I'm praying for you. You can do it, I know you can.
I also agree with an anti-depressant may be in order.
About church, girl If you don't know God now's the time to get to know him. He will guide you through any storm!
If his doctor says therapy is necessary, home health workers' visits (paid by Medicare) could provide you some time to yourself to just get outside and shift your perspective. Check with local hospitals & in the newspaper to see if a stroke support group is organized in your area. You & your husband would be welcomed into such a group.
Opening yourself to new possibilities will not be easy. You are going to have to push yourself. An anti-depressant for you might help some, too, even taken temporarily. Has your family stopped coming around because you are so despondent and negative on life?
During those 11 years you practically stopped living, and the thought of reconnecting again with yourself and the world at large is quite daunting. Also, sleeping your life away is a sign of depression. So it's time to get back on that horse and live again. The moment you start socializing and re-discovering both yourself and the things you used to enjoy you'll definitely feel better. We'll be here to tickle you every now and then, so keep us posted.
-- ED
Hang in there, you will be able to get your life back, and you need to start with healing yourself. We're here for you.