I have been struggling watching my mom (90) age. She has a myriad of issues (HBP, Parkinsons, Gout). How do I rid myself of this anxiety?

I have been there, it is not easy dealing with aging parents or spouse. What helped my the most is the support group at the local Council on Aging. The group is supportive and I can discuss my personal issues without judgement as most are going through the same situations. My group is all ages and situations and has some educational groups sponsored by the Alzheimer's Association (ALZ.org). It is important that you understand what your loved one is going through and know what you can and can't do to help, Then you need to do some deep breathing exercises and relaxing movements to release the tension in your body.

Hope this helps and you can relax a little.

Imho, this, too, was my late mother who demanded to live alone in another state 7 states from mine. Prayers sent to you as it's difficult.

Dear Janine,
I totally understand what you are dealing with, and really had a difficult time seeing my parents struggle with their health issues. I relied a great deal on the promises of God. The Bible says in 1 Peter 5:7 that we should “cast all our anxieties on the Lord because He cares for us.” He created all of us and He knows exactly what your mom needs and He will provide for your mom! He promises us in Matthew 28:26, “I am with you always, even unto the end of the age.” He also commands us not to be afraid because He is with us. In Isaiah 41, He commands us and attaches His promises to His commands:
“Do not fear, for I am with you,
do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”
Our lives and our times are in His powerful hands, if only we believe and receive His gift of salvation and forgiveness through His Son Jesus’ death on the Cross. It is through Him, that we will also receive the strength and perseverance to continue on these difficult journeys with our families. I hope this encourages you!! Many blessings to you and many thanks to you for loving and caring for your mom! As you seek what is best for her, I pray that He would give you His wisdom to know the right decisions to make and that He would give you encouragement as you walk this road!

First of all God bless your mother 🙏🙏 90 years . That’s great ! As our parents grow older of course we know they are going to have health issues . All we can do is try and influence them to exercise eat healthy maybe try juicing . I would put up with anything to have my mother, father , sisters, brother, daughter back . But their gone. I realize it’s very stressful
I am 24/7 caregiver fir my husband who has Dementia and Parkinson’s also a 9.8 aorta aneurism bad kidneys , he’s in diapers can no longer get out of bed blind in one eye now loosing the site in the other one . He doesn’t know anyone other then me not his kids or grand kids .
so I can write a book on anxiety and depression. There’s been times when I didn’t want to get out of bed myself just lay there next to him and sleep through
the day . But I have no choice I have to get up , bath ,shave, change his diapers, feed cut his hair, do laundry and house work , pay bills , make every decision all by myself ,it’s only me. And it’s so hard on me . But again , I can’t just quit
my husband is at home with me and can no longer even stand or get out of bed .you at least get a chance to breath . Try sitting your self down , take a deep breath , and get a tablet write down things you are grateful for . Don’t leave anything out no matter how
small . Then write what upsets you , why are you anxious , why are you feeling guilty? Why aren’t you happy ? You
realize your mother is being cared for she’s safe , I’m sure a nice place to live where she can socialize with other woman there . she’s close by so you can visit any time your off work.
What if she didn’t have Ins or funds to live in a retirement community . Would she be there with you ? Now that would be real anxiety ! Who would watch
and care for her while you work? You would have no family privacy for your daughters , mom would always be there .
you would have to take on all her personal care Baths, hair , teeth feedings . It’s clear you love your mother and want the best for her . But putting such a guilt trip on your self isn’t fair to you or your family. You could end up hurting your own health . Stress is horrible , it clouds your thinking , causes you to turn away from those you love . Don’t put your own daughters through that . Show your mother you love her by visiting with your daughters , take her cards , give her a new night gown just small gifts or have the girls draw her a picture or hand make anything for her.
believe me when I say you have a lot to be grateful for . I hope you believe in Jesus ! Pray to him for guidance in this matter . God is always ready to listen I would not be able to cope with out Gods help. Give him praise each morning tell him how grateful you are for all he’s done in your life. Begin each morning and end each night in prayer . Through faith in the Lord there’s nothing that can’t be fixed .
I just started using this site myself.
I pray you get the help you need . I don’t think your mother would want you feeling so anxious over her . As a mother , grand mother and great grandmother I would never want any of my children stressing over me . I’ve made decisions in my own life that caused some Heath problems . I’ve had many neck and back surgeries I’m in constant pain but no way should my family feel guilty or stressed over it. I want them happy with their own families . I hope I’ve said something that helps you . God be with you dear . I pray you find the answers you need 🙏🙏🙏

Although you can't do much other than see a doctor for anxiety medication, the best thing ever is to spend as much time with her as possible. Spend time asking her about her life growing up. She'll enjoy telling you all about it, and you'll feel good knowing she's happy......

With time and experience, one begins to grasp the concept of how little we really can control. It's not easy. So little in life is really predictable. And you must also realize seeing someone age with health issues doesn't mean you will. I hope you can enjoy this summertime off.

Gosh, when you find the answer to rid yourself of anxiety, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I too am an only child. I do not have children. I am retired as of two years ago, and frankly, since moving in with my mother (mistake in many ways) my mental health coupled with the pandemic has taken a toll.
I take Lorazepam daily right now, which helps, but does not take the anxiety away. It is an anxious situation and I have done everything; Lorazepam, therapy, hiking 7 miles every other day, etc.
I feel guilty constantly. About every little conflict she and I have.
I wish the best for you, for whatever this does.

No - you can’t fix old. Truly we are all just buying time. I find that l have to “turn it over” to my higher power.
l have to reaffirm that she is still in God’s care. That she always has been. And so am l.

Boy this was a great question! I think I'm like you.. a planner. I try to be proactive and anticipate what will come next. At times, this was very helpful because things can change quickly and it's nice not to have to stress about a decision in the middle of a crisis.. Also, I am extremely lucky that I'm retired and have a retired, helpful husband and that we are both "project manager types".

The link you posted is so real to me. Some things I fixed lasted only 2 or 3 weeks and involved a huge amount of time and expense (dad's cost). He enjoyed them and was grateful but then I needed new fixes for the next stage. It has occupied my thoughts pretty much non-stop for months now (which is better than years). The one thing I know is that when he dies I want to KNOW I did my very best. I don't mean that I was the very best caregiver in the world (I'm not a "nursey" type) but I certainly took care of every issue and made sure he had the best care.

What all this busy-ness did is keep me in denial that I couldn't fix dad and I am only now beginning to experience the grief of losing him. I need to work on how I'm going to cope when he goes. Yes, I have been grateful for the one on one time we've had this past year and we've enjoyed each other. I think that is only going to make it sadder when he goes though.

I'm not 100% "present" for anyone else in my life and my friendships are suffering as well. People understand but this could create some fallout if I don't take care of it. And my health as well. I'm going to try to spend an hour a day on "me-stuff" which includes my friends and other family and getting out into the world (post Covid).

I was in your situation, Janine... an only child with no support caring for my elderly parents. There were times that I didn't think I could make it (I was working at the time) but I always said a prayer every morning that I would get through the day ( and I did get through the day!)
The best advice I can give is to try to take time for yourself...go on walks, read a good book, watch public TV, see a funny movie. Also seek out a caregiving support group.

I strongly suggest you consider seeing a therapist, as soon as possible. I see a Christian-based therapist that specialuzes in elder care. That is what works for me. They help by talking you through your emotions and offering coping skills. A low dose medication can be prescribed to help with your anxiety while utilizing the coping skills they will privide you with. Seeing a therapist at least monthly, if not more, can really help manage sadness, anxiety, depression, guilt, etc. You do need time for yourself; even if that means skipping a day to see your loved one for your own self care, mental and physical health. Sometimes it means not answering the phone for a few hours, taking a walk, doing a puzzle, taking a bath, going out for a meal, scheduling a salon appointment, gardening - whatever things may help you relax. Taking good care of yourself means taking better care of your loved one; a therapist will be trained and versed in helping to guide you through this. I wish you all the best.

I watched my dad deteriorate like this too and I prayed about it and would read the Bible quite a bit. I can see why you feel anxious because you have to watch her closer than ever before. Do you have someone else to watch and take care of your mother when she is gone so you can have more of a break? I looked back over the good times that Dad had and then realized he wouldn't want to go on forever like this.