My mom is getting another UTI and is fantasizing she can walk, and will be hallucinating people in her room by tonight. I have the flu and hurt all over, especially serious for me because I have an immune disorder. I cannot keep her safe, clean and fed for now. I need to refuse to take her home -- any suggestions on the practical side of that? It has worked well in the past, the hospital definitely got the situation... Guess I'm feeling guilt also. I'm sitting here with this sick woman who's super cheerful and thinks she can walk and run!!! I'm going a bit crazy too...
Hospital did send paperwork to respite facility for possible future respite, so yay for that. My mom does have a reliable aide on Friday and Sunday so grateful for that too.
I'm praying for that future respite. AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🕊🕊💕💕
It's just not right that you were treated like a criminal for trying to get your mom (and yourself) the best care. I hope you can take care of yourself and your mom calms down. {{{Hugs}}}
Way too stressful for many people!
Can you make a Plan B ?
I will bet this situation is not going to be over for you. Be prepared just in case APS follows up.
It’s up to you to devise a contingency plan in the event something occurs like this again.
It’s either you can take care of your mother yourself or place her where she gets the care she needs all the time. Hospitals these days are not equipped to provide respite care to you especially with no diagnosis- negative UTI. I will bet you get the bill for this stay as well. She wasn’t admitted, there is no code they could use to get reimbursement.
Doesn’t seem like this was well thought out. A positive outcome would be planning for episodes like this in the future. God forbid your mother gets the flu from lying in a hospital gurney in a hallway for hours. So sad.
This is one of those situations that you just can't understand and have compassion for fully until you've been there, done that. I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I have been there, done that, and I have compassion for you. The system is so messed up in this country and as the baby boomer generation gets older I think we'll see more and more of this kind of thing. We need a revolution in caregiving in this country.
My mom had severe (with psychosis) dementia. I had her (who needed 24/7 supervision), and elderly father with Parkinsons and 3 kids to take care of. One day I snapped and took my mom to ER and told them I couldn't do it anymore. They at least kept her for 3 days, but the social worker didn't do much to help me during that time to find a better solution. I just don't think she had much experience in dealing with this kind of situation. Again, as our society ages I think this kind of thing will become more common and hopefully more social workers and medical staff will "get it." Until then, my heart aches for everyone out there in this situation.
Now, though, I'm going to get bars for the bed, to be used when she has a uti. That will make a big difference. I will do that as soon as possible.
Today, though, I'm just praying the hospital does its job well and provides good care. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🕊🕊
Thank you for your support
It made me angry. I called the local television stations (no response yet), and also made a small stink with the hospital administrator's office. Because of that, and only because of that, the hospital sent a doctor and social worker from outside the ER to try to find a solution... which, God bless them, they did.
The doctor sent a prescription to the drug store for an antibiotic for the uti, which my daughter had to go and get, because the ER refused to treat her. Wow.
And they found her a respite bed in the rehab next door, where she has been several times before, mostly well taken care of. So far, so good...
Then the doctor gave my daughter and I a lengthy lecture about how we must put my mom in Long-term care because she would NEVER be treated by or admitted to the hospital ever again. According to her, these are "Medicare rules," because "your mom will never get better she will just get worse." This statement is not based on any facts or experience, either from my mom's previous hospital visits or from her doctor. There are no facts at all, medical or otherwise, which back this up.
Medicare and the experts say they don't know why or how the hospital thinks they can do this -- but it is best if I accept it. Or talk to a lawyer. Which I might do.
I never used to care so much that the world is a crazy place. Nor did I used to bump up against it so personally, so often... Has the world changed? Or have I?? Or both....
I'm not sure I can care for my mom at home in the context of this crazy world -- very few aides available consistently, hospital refusing to treat. I have bought myself some time to research and consider.
Thank you all for your caring and support. I hope my experience report here can help others. 🕊💕
A hospital is a terrible place for a dementia patient. Every hospitalization set my mom back 10 steps. She never recovered from the cognitive ground she lost with each ambulance ride, each "new" ER, new set of nurses. For the last two years of her life, we refused to send her out and insisted everything get treated at the NH.
You wanted to send your mom to the ER and hospital because YOU were ill. UTIs do not require hospitalization. The require a urine test and a script. Both easily obtained in an Ltc facility.
To cause your mother to be vulnerable to pick up MRSA, or VRE, or c.diff or her hear ithe confusion she felt from chaos you caused sending her to a hospital ER & spending the night on a gurney in a hallway because you don’t have a back up plan is pretty sad.
I will speak when I want on a public forum. If you are not open to comments by those who do not agree with you don’t post on an Internet forum. Adults can agree to disagree respectfully.
These days people have hip replacement surgery or knees replaced and they go home the next day. The next day! Is that fair? No! A person doesn’t even have to move their bowels after surgery these days, just have bowel sounds heard by someone with a stethoscope. Is that good? No! But a UTI does not require overnight treatment in a hospital.
Healthcare is not the way it was 20 years ago.
I will bet her confusion and hallucinations were due to you calling an ambulance and all the stimuli with an ambulance ride. Amongst other stimuli & attitudes your poor mother had to cope with, when dementia patients have minimal coping skills.
You are so quick to blame others. You can’t see how this situation was not handled well? Would you proceed the same way again?
So sad.
I actually thought your thread was hypothetical- just to get reactions. I can’t believe it’s actually factual.
Wow.
I understand your mother is doing well otherwise, but now might be a good time to explore that option. Best wishes to your mother and you.
The answer is yes, for Good's sake, because she has no back up for these emergencies. If mom is not going to LTC, tben she needs to have a plan B, reliable and ready, for when she, Good becomes ill.
Now that this crisis is over, its time to regroup. If you want to keep your Mom at home, is there a family friend that would be willing to step in if this double whammy happens again? Or set up the respite care now, so the paperwork is finished. Then you will only have to worry about getting her there if they are needed.
I hope you both feel better soon and can put this nightmare behind you. You’ve stayed incredibly strong and there is no better group of people, for advice, than those on this site.
I agree with the other posters, better to have a plan B, even Plan C, in place in case this unfortunate situation happens again.
No one wants to think about nursing homes, especially when the loved one is cooperative and happy. But you have to think about YOUR health, as you will need to be more vigilant with your health than the normal person because of your immune problem. Your life could depend on it.
Also, your mom will progress in her disease and life could become very demanding for you, weakening your energy reserves and stressing you out, causing a highented demand on your body.
I'm sorry you're in a difficult situation. Good luck to you both. Hope you're feeling better.
Anyways, she had 2 UTIs while living at home yet and one here (and working on another one right now I suspect) in the past 8 months. She only gets them when she is not in a rehab facility. In Minnesota and now in Wisconsin, each time she has had a UTI the ambulance was called because she gets so confused and falls. It literally happens overnight. Fine one day then boom, the next day she loses all control of her bladder and bowels and can barely move or speak. All 3 times, she was admitted to the hospital and stayed at least 3 days to receive IV antibiotics. This last time they barely detected a UTI from the urinalysis! And this last time she was the worst. So for those people saying why have her go or stay in the hospital, I highly doubt they have ever dealt with an elderly person having a UTI.
I hope you can find a place for your mom to go soon. Much like parents have to advocate for their children's health care, we also have to advocate for our elderly parent's health care.
Take care of yourself!
The hospital did not just refuse to admit her, they refused to TREAT her. She fell and her head was bleeding and they refused to give her a scan or antibiotics for the uti, because the ones her PCP had given her were not working. It was not my first choice to go back there, but the Urgent Care told me because she had a head injury they had to send her to the ER anyway.
Yes, I agree I need to clarify the situation-- I'm going to talk to the sane social worker about what I could have done differently, how to handle in future.