I came across this forum, and found many useful threads.
My question isn’t urgent.
How to explain?
I (I’m sure it applies to most of us) am constantly nervous, stressed, worried. (I’m a calm person generally).
I worry about the next message/phone call/emergency.
It’s hard to totally relax, switch off.
I care for my elderly mother. I’m an only child. We don’t live together. She has live-in carers in her house.
The major problem is falling.
The house is as safe as it can be. As we all know, not all falls can be prevented.
It’s very difficult for me to focus on my work (constant worry).
It’s not possible to prevent all the accidents.
I can try to switch off and say to myself: I’ve tried my best; I now need a mental break, even if accidents happen (I hope not); switch off my phone for some days.
Of course I continue to care. I just need to switch off a while.
(The reality is that when I help, together with the carers, my mother will get much better care at the hospital - when there’s an emergency. I speak with the doctors, etc. If I disappear from my phone some days, and she must go to the hospital, the carers will do their best, but it won’t be as good as if I help out).
How do others manage the stress/worry, when you’ve already created the best possible, safest environment (nothing more to improve)?
Thank you very much, in advance! Really.
What has helped:
Prioritizing my health care/dr appmts.
Counseling
Getting out with friends and having laughter.
The counselor had me write up positive affirmations. During tougher times I read the positive affirmations to strengthen me.
Exercise
I’ll try the same!!
In particular exercise helps me get away mentally.
I need to get away, with my mind.
Good luck to us all on the forum!!
:)
hug!!
i don’t know the answer, but i wish your stress levels to go down.
stress kills, and stress makes us sick (mentally/physically).
you (like everyone) is precious!
bundle of joy :)
My mother fell 95x while living in Assisted Living and then Memory Care for a total of 7 years. Every precaution known to man was taken to prevent those falls from happening, too, but my mother was a stubborn woman who did as she damn well pleased. So she did. And she'd fall as a result. And then, when dementia got bad, she forgot that she couldn't walk (she was in a wheelchair) and would insist she COULD walk, try to get up, and down she'd go. Over & over & over again to the point of insanity. The AL would call ME every time she fell; when she went on hospice, they TOO would call me, so I'd get TWO calls every time mom fell. I felt like I was losing my mind at times, I truly did.
But I didn't. I talked myself off the ledge by reminding myself I had no control over my mother's life. That she was being kept as safe as humanly POSSIBLE, as your mom is, and there was no other actions that could be taken to make things better. Even if I were to have sat with her 24/7, she STILL would have fallen b/c I would have had to go to the bathroom, sleep, leave the room for a few minutes, etc. The reality is, you and I cannot live our mother's lives FOR them; this is their life to live and only God has control over it's destiny.
You're doing all you can do for your mom. Just wait for The Phone Call and then meet the ambulance at the hospital, or go over to the house to do whatever has to be done. Live your LIFE in the meantime. Otherwise, your entire life is usurped in between now & when your mom passes away, and STILL you've managed to do nothing to change the outcome of her life ANYWAY. You are not responsible for her life, is the point. Only your life. Make the most of it and don't waste your days worrying over things you can't change. Decide that you will handle the crises as they crop up, and live your life in between times, to the best of your ability.
If you agree to borrow trouble from tomorrow, you spoil the beauty of today. Don't do that, waiting for the next shoe to drop. I know it's hard, but it's manageable when you have a plan of action that starts out with a prayer every morning when you wake up. Give it over to God and let Him handle it. He's got your back.
Best of luck
Very kind answer!
You see - I need a break from the emergencies too, that’s what I was saying.
I’ve already done the:
waiting in between emergencies; trying to live fully in between.
I need a mental break.
I do care, but I need a break.
I will switch off the phone for a while.
Thanks!!