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Yes! You are feeling the loss of his presence as you do the final good bye - taking care of his things. It is OK to mourn the loss, but try to remember the good things so it tempers the grief.
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Actually, you going to grieve the rest of your life. Someone will say something, you will see something that brings up a memory. Touch something you kept of Moms. It just won't hurt as much. My Mom lost her Mom at the age of nine and she was the baby. She grieved that loss probably till the day she died. Her Mom never knew her grandchildren. She missed weddings and Baptisms. I hear she was a lovely person.
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InlandMeg Mar 2023
I’m sorry your mom lost her mother so young and you never met your grandmother. Nine is so young, so vulnerable, no wonder her loss was deeply traumatic staying with her the rest of her life. I don’t think it’s unusual to grieve a death for your whole life. Especially when it happened early in your life. I lost my sister at 21, to cancer. She was very close to me in age. It was a horrible shock for me at that age and I’ve grieved losing her for my entire life. Even though this hole in my heart eventually healed (somewhat) it left a painful scar. And sometimes something will happen, I don’t know what, but it can be just seeing somebody hug their sister on a wedding day or my dad says “remember when she used to hide and scare us” or I find her baby pictures when cleaning out their house… then suddenly my throat begins aching and tears sting my eyes.
I’m so sorry for your mom’s loss.
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Yes. (((HUGS)))

See if you can find a friend or relative to sit or chat with you as you go through this phase.

Take lots of pictures of the house when it is empty and up for sale. Whenever you are feeling blue, look at those pictures. You said that your Dad would be wanting to sell the house for your Mom's care. You are doing what your Dad would have wanted for your Mom. (((HUGS)))
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InlandMeg Mar 2023
Thanks for the ((HUGS)) and thanks for prompting me to take lots of pictures. I was there today to inspect after the cleaning crew was done. Your reminder meant I took LOADS of pictures. Pictures inside, panned pictures and portrait pictures. Inside and outside the house, on their back porch and pictures of their close neighbors who used to stop by to visit. I left the keys and just got home. Closing is tomorrow. I’m still feeling emotional and sad. But also I’m very tired. I’m yawning over and over, like I can’t stop, lol. I think I’m starting to unwind and relax.
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Shortly after my two (local) sisters had helped our mom leave her house of 50 years, they began 'readying' it for rent (in an area with exorbitantly/ridiculously high rents) in order to fund her living in a nicer AL facility, close to her house. I flew down to remove everything I'd left/stored there in her garage, as I stayed with her in the house for three years before I left my unaffordable home state to a more affordable state, 1,400 miles away. Very traumatic, but I had no financial choice. Going back and seeing the house cleared of every trace of my mom, my family's furniture, art and memories, was terribly sad for me. I wonder if the experience put me on the path to begin mourning the final loss of my mom to this world?
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Grief never ends. You will never truly get over the loss of a loved one. As long as you are still functioning (getting out of bed, eating, bathing, working, etc...), you are alright. "Normal" is quite a broad spectrum. How one person grieves, may not be the same as another at all. Please know that tears are cleansing & very beneficial. But, on the other hand, don't feel guilty if you do not cry. I have always experienced grief in unexpected moments, even decades later. If I see the hummingbirds at my feeders, I think of a certain grandmother. Or I have had moments where something exciting happened & for a quick second, I desired to call the person, then quickly realized they aren't here anymore. I am packing up my father's home, so he can live near my family. Every time we go to pack more things, I cry at the state of the home. And I cry remembering living a lifetime in that home. All of my family's memories, good and bad. (This was my childhood home & it is now in a shambles due to my young sibling) It is normal and perfectly healthy to grieve our losses.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2023
Such a beautiful post!

I dialed my grandma’s phone number getting ready to speak with her like I always did. I was half way through dialing before I realized that she had died. All these years later I still remember grandma’s phone number, address and birthday.
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I don’t care how people express their grief. I am not saying that the OP has done this but many people who are grieving fall into vulnerable situations.

I truly understand that grief is different for everyone but I do get concerned about how so many people jump on the ‘psychic’ bandwagon hoping to connect with their loved ones.

There are too many scammers out there looking to make money off of other people’s grief. It’s very sad that people take advantage of vulnerable and grieving individuals.
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I did when we cleaned out mommas house to move her into assisted living. We had a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN that we lost due to the 2016 wildfires and I felt like I lost my dad all over again.
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Absolutely normal. I've been trying to do some clearing out and I completely freeze and stop. It feels like I am erasing my mom. All I've really done is create a mess in every room....and look around knowing she would be ticked off by the unorganized mess I made of her home.
Not sure how to get over the hump, so I'll just start and stop a while longer. Bless you, dear. It's hard to do what you're doing.
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* Yes, of course, this is a major TRIGGER.
* Allow the tears and grief to come out. Invite it in.
* "Stuffing" feelings in will not support you to move forward - you need to allow this natural process to happen.
* Your psyche and body KNOWS what it needs. Honor what it tells you.

* And, yes, it is hard and difficult.
* You do not need to 'like' or 'want' to have these feelings although it is in your best interest in every way to allow them to 'speak' to you and flow out as they need to. By allowing you/r body and psyche to release as it needs to will give you the energy and space to do what you need to do which is selling her home.

Trust the process.
Trust yourself.
Trust your divinity or your spiritual knowingness (whatever this might mean to you).

* Our feelings 'talk' to us all the time.
* It is up to us to listen (which is a respect, if not appreciation for / of them) by listening and moving through them.

* No guilt here-if you are not ready to allow this process to happen, given yourself compassion for doing all that you are doing. It is important that you give yourself self-care as you can / need to - to keep going.

And, my heart goes out to you during this difficult time.

Gena / Touch Matters
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