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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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He is 79 years old and worse than my three children when they were little and doesn't appreciate anything that I do or have done. It is now affecting my health. I was hospitalized from having a mild stroke from the stress.
Absolutely! So many keep at this out of guilt, worrying what children, neighbors, friends will judge —but none walk in your shoes day in and day out. Everyone is different and have different limits. Worse so many of us keep going until we are plain worn out with nothing more to give until it’s too late.
It is soooo much better to surrender and get the help, assistance and or residential care for our loved ones really need and turn over the day to day caregiver responsibilities—then we can truly be the loving patient caring wife, husband, daughter, son, that we want to be and make our remaining years together pleasant, meaningful and fulfilling.
Taking care of an elderly is VERY difficult. You may find a few of us here who think it's a blessing to take care of aging parents. But most of us don't think that. We think it's hell.
In the old days, people got old, sick and died. Now, people get old, sick, and take all kinds of medicines to prolong their miserable lives for years and sometimes decades. Caregivers get stressed out, burnout, and from what I heard on this forum, 40% of caregivers die before the ones they take care of.
You already got a stroke from the stress. That is your BIG warning sign. If you value your life (and your life is just as valuable as your father, if not more since he's already lived his life), you should find ways to either put him in a home, or get help to come in to take care of him so you care tend to your own health. Ask yourself how many more years of this can you take before you drop d.
If he has no money/assets, look into Medicaid. If he does, use his assets to hire help for his care.
Living is a curse if you have no health. So, take care of yourself. If you continue to have stress, you may have another stroke and it may not be so mild this time.
If you were pressured into a role where you were expected to play piano three times a day and you had no training, no aptitude, no interest, poor sense of timing and rhythm, don't you think it would be OK -- in fact advisable -- to admit that you cannot do justice to that role, but you'll help them find a volunteer who would be good at it? That you'd coordinate music services, but not provide them yourself?
Caring for elderly parents is difficult and challenging for most people. But some people have a higher tolerance for it and better skills than others do. It is certainly OK to recognize your own limitations and act accordingly.
Yes - it is okay to do that. I didn't have nearly the problems you have, but I had to find a different living situation for Mom, where I wasn't the caregiver. If it was okay for me who had it relatively easy, it is okay for you.
I had to do this, even though Mom was cooperative, kind, grateful and could take care of most of her daily needs. Her caretaking needs weren't even that great. She lived in a MIL apartment by me and I didn't mind making sure she had groceries, taking her to doctor's appointment and being in charge of her medication. but her constant interruptions for help ranging from hunting through my refrigerator for meals, to the remote control not working left me no time for myself, which I desperately need in order to be mentally healthy. I always had to be "on", which I find exhausting. I also have to deal with my own health problems, which don't leave any energy for caretaking.
I worked with a therapist who helped me realize that in order for ME to stay healthy and maintain a healthy relationship with my Mom (vs. resentful), we had to change the caregiving situation. My siblings, all loving and caring people who wanted the best for Mom, agreed.
Now Mom lives in a nice assisted living place, which fortunately she could afford. She really misses her place by me, and part of me still feels twinges of guilt. But when I remember what it was like before she left I realize I couldn't have gone on much longer. A different person, with a different energy level or one who isn't such an introvert, might have been able to caretake much longer than I did. But I couldn't.
I like the previous answer about playing piano, and the statement that everyone is different and has different limits. A stroke shows you have passed your limit.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you died, where would your lo be then!?
It is soooo much better to surrender and get the help, assistance and or residential care for our loved ones really need and turn over the day to day caregiver responsibilities—then we can truly be the loving patient caring wife, husband, daughter, son, that we want to be and make our remaining years together pleasant, meaningful and fulfilling.
Hope this helps. No guilt.
Taking care of an elderly is VERY difficult. You may find a few of us here who think it's a blessing to take care of aging parents. But most of us don't think that. We think it's hell.
In the old days, people got old, sick and died. Now, people get old, sick, and take all kinds of medicines to prolong their miserable lives for years and sometimes decades. Caregivers get stressed out, burnout, and from what I heard on this forum, 40% of caregivers die before the ones they take care of.
You already got a stroke from the stress. That is your BIG warning sign. If you value your life (and your life is just as valuable as your father, if not more since he's already lived his life), you should find ways to either put him in a home, or get help to come in to take care of him so you care tend to your own health. Ask yourself how many more years of this can you take before you drop d.
If he has no money/assets, look into Medicaid. If he does, use his assets to hire help for his care.
Living is a curse if you have no health. So, take care of yourself. If you continue to have stress, you may have another stroke and it may not be so mild this time.
If you were pressured into a role where you were expected to play piano three times a day and you had no training, no aptitude, no interest, poor sense of timing and rhythm, don't you think it would be OK -- in fact advisable -- to admit that you cannot do justice to that role, but you'll help them find a volunteer who would be good at it? That you'd coordinate music services, but not provide them yourself?
Caring for elderly parents is difficult and challenging for most people. But some people have a higher tolerance for it and better skills than others do. It is certainly OK to recognize your own limitations and act accordingly.
I had to do this, even though Mom was cooperative, kind, grateful and could take care of most of her daily needs. Her caretaking needs weren't even that great. She lived in a MIL apartment by me and I didn't mind making sure she had groceries, taking her to doctor's appointment and being in charge of her medication. but her constant interruptions for help ranging from hunting through my refrigerator for meals, to the remote control not working left me no time for myself, which I desperately need in order to be mentally healthy. I always had to be "on", which I find exhausting. I also have to deal with my own health problems, which don't leave any energy for caretaking.
I worked with a therapist who helped me realize that in order for ME to stay healthy and maintain a healthy relationship with my Mom (vs. resentful), we had to change the caregiving situation. My siblings, all loving and caring people who wanted the best for Mom, agreed.
Now Mom lives in a nice assisted living place, which fortunately she could afford. She really misses her place by me, and part of me still feels twinges of guilt. But when I remember what it was like before she left I realize I couldn't have gone on much longer. A different person, with a different energy level or one who isn't such an introvert, might have been able to caretake much longer than I did. But I couldn't.
I like the previous answer about playing piano, and the statement that everyone is different and has different limits. A stroke shows you have passed your limit.
Go forth and make changes without guilt.