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Avshey88
Your not listening!! Your going to self destruct if you don't take a strong stance against your husband. Your children are going to suffer permanent damage from this set up. Tell hubby your done. Give him a couple options (already suggested) and don't back down. He will come to respect you in the long run. No one respects a door mat. Go stay with your parents until your husband gets the message.
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Whoa, currentnurse...let's not start blaming the victim here. Avshey is under no compulsion to follow the advice of a group of strangers, not all of whom even agree with each other. The best thing she can do is sort through the responses, take what works for her and discard the rest. She knows herself and her situation far better than we do.
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Contact your local Area Agency on Aging. You can get Caregiver Support for yourself having to deal with FIL and for you husband to understand what caring for his father entails. They may also be able to arrange for services for FIL to give you a break. He should be in his own home and they can assist in making sure he has the services he needs for fill in around what you and his fiancé can do for him. If he does continue to stay with you, you need to take your house back. Your children need to be able to be children, watch what they want in the Living Room and have their toys there also, especially since the room that was their play room is now his room. Does he have a favorite chair in the LR? Move it to his room, does he have his own TV? Bring one from his house. I agree that you need a break and the goal is to get him back in his own living space. Suggest that if he does not feel he can live on his own any long that it may be time to look at Assisted Living. Set a move out date, maybe Jan 1st, that he needs to make plans that he is living somewhere else by then. Draw the line in the sand and stick with it.
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Does your husband have siblings? Is your FIL home a house, condo, apt and does he own? Maybe you can suggest that you go to his home after his treatments with the premise it would be more peaceful for him. I'm not sure how much he needs but maybe a caregiver to help. If he only needs you to transport him to and from hospital for treatments maybe there is a service who could pick him up and drop him off. If he doesn't need you 24/7 maybe while he is at your house you and the kids can go to his. Peace time for you and the kids.
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your husband and your fil are being completely unfair to you -- he has his house - he has a fiance and he has you and your husband willing to help out - that does not mean take over the house like it's his - have a little heart to heart with fil and tell him as much as you are willing to support him / he has no right to take over your life like he is doing.
hoping things get better - counseling for all is the answer - they can point you to help in all directions. good luck to you
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This can be solved by one thing:  Boundaries.  Either set some, or give up.  

It is NOT OK that he told you he was moving in with you for good. That is NOT his choice, and never will be. The fact that your husband went along with it at all is deplorable. The Bible says that once you are married, you leave your parents, and live with your spouse. It never says you have them move back in with you permanently at whim. EVER! Set a boundary with your husband about his Dad.

  1) Regain your dignity. 2) Take back your home 3) Do it immediately. You can do this by the following method: 1) You and your husband have to have THE TALK now. Your FIL either needs to move out on his own, or into assisted living, and your husband has to accept some of the blame. Ask your husband if he wants your marriage to succeed, or fail... It's that clear of a decision. 2). If neither guy will budge, then reclaim your house on your own, Do this by a)moving the TV into your bedroom, and place a lock on the master bedroom door. b) Move your kids' toys back wherever you want them. c) Tell your FIL he can move into his assigned room, or he can leave. 
Set a boundary with your FIL.  There needs to be a limit. 

It is YOUR home, not his. I know we are supposed to always honor our parents, but we do not have to be their doormats. Your FIL is trying to make your life unbearable, and I think he has succeeded. However, YOU are allowing it. Stop doing everything for him, and demand some respect. 

If he wants clean clothes, he is over 12 years old, so at my house, unless he was bedridden, he would have to do his own laundry. If your FIL leaves his clothes, or belongings in the den, I'd give him one warning, then I'd start a collection pile, and give them to a thrift shop rather than allow the lazy moocher to get them back. He would learn to pick up after himself, or do without.  My teenage children tried to disrespect me once, and they lost a few toys and clothes before they caught on!  There has to be boundaries, for everyone's sanity. 

Both Men are taking advantage of you. It's now or never. Good luck.
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The FIL is obviously used to getting his own way, and can't get his head around "No, you can't take over my house." He's also obviously used to bullying his son, who grew up with this. It's a real toughie, and the Aging people might be able to help--but he needs to have a strong-minded man talk to him--he won't listen to a woman. Is his doctor that strong man? Can you find one who is?
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I also agree with CarlaCB. Great answer. Best of luck to you. Your husbands attitude that you "just need to suck it up" is not very nice.....................don't let him push you around. Good luck. xx
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