My siblings and I suspect our brother, who has lived with our mother who has dementia for more than 15 yrs since our father died, has been mentally/physically abusing her. We already know he has financially abuses her assets for his own greedy needs because she made him POA over everything. Before she got so bad with dementia, she had all our names put on her home when she died, but when she got really bad off and he started taking over her bills, etc., we found out that he got a quick claim deed to her home and sold to him for $1.00 even though he owns a nice home that stays empty since he moved in with her over 15 yrs ago. We have already turned him in for elder abuse, but they say since Mom is not complaining and they talked to her, she says everthing is fine with her and happy he is living there, but we have heard that he threatens her not to say anthing. We just need some solid proof to show he is abusing her inside her home. Is it legal to install a hidden camera?
There's a Hardcover Book Hidden Camera on Amazon. It looks just like a book but it's a camera. Less than $100.
All I can say is if I had a brother like you I would have sent her off to you and let you take care of her instead and wash my hands of it and live my own life. Instantly. Because you obviously think you can do better. Then I say go for it. Yes I would have signed over everything to you. Then go my merry way.
Grace + Peace,
Bob
I don't know, of course. But this man has been living with his demented mother and caring for her for fifteen years. The OP has discovered, who knows when, that s/he and other non-caregiving siblings are no longer in line to receive their share of the family home once their mother passes away.
So one is bound to wonder. What are they mainly concerned about? Their mother? And it's taken them fifteen years to get round to acting on their concerns?
One more thing. Since the OP seems to consider it feasible - whether or not legal/ethical - to place a hidden camera in the mother's home, then s/he and/or others must have reasonably free, unsupervised access to both the property and their mother. They have already called APS in, and APS were satisfied with the mother's living situation. So I wonder what they're trying to dig up, exactly. Footage of the poor bloke tearing his hair out at three in the morning? His reaction when mother throws her oatmeal at him? Mother in odd socks, or with tea spilt down her dress?
I will be happy to be corrected, but to me it sounds as though the issue is the siblings' suspicion that this caregiver is only in it for a quick buck (cue: hollow laughter) and is out to cheat them. Have you had any conversations with him about mother's assets and intentions?
Another professional I would consider turning to is an elder care coordinator. I would select either an advanced practice nurse / nurse practitioner or a very experienced social worker. The elder care coordinator has to be someone with extensive experience working with dysfunctional families as well as working with mentally ill people. An elder care coordinator with the sort of expertise you need is definitely not cheap. This person (usually, but not always a woman) will really know the lay of the land, She's probably worked with families in turmoil, where one member is being accused of taking advantage of the frail parent. She will know the local elder law attorneys and probably has testified in court more than once. She's worked with many attorneys and can give you an insider's view about them. She's familiar with Adult Protective Services and knows who to call. She knows how to document a case. She's a really good educator. In your situation, a 90 minute to 2 hour consultation with one is definitely in order. How do I know? Personal experience. The elder care coordinator I consulted was an advanced practitioner nurse with expertise in geriatric medicine and who was the unit manager of a geriatric psychiatric unit at a
DementiaRN--IMHO, a really good and smart nurse is worth his or her weight in gold--both to the patient and to his or her family.
But depending on your state, it would likely be legal to install such a camera (with a telephoto lens) on a neighbor's property, with their permission.
In answer to the original post, I would suggest you ask your local law enforcement about it. No elderly person deserves to be taken advantage of and they certainly don't deserve to be mistreated or abused. Maybe you and the rest of the family can try and visit more often and see what you can find out.