My sister, mother's Power of Attorney, decided that she is going to put our mom in a nursing home. What can we do legally, if 7 out of 13 of my mother’s children would rather take her into our home?

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My sister, mother's Power of Attorney, decided that she is going to put our mom in a nursing home. What can we do legally, if 7 out of 13 of my mother’s children would rather take her into our home?

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My mom has dementia, its been 9 years now. I quit my job when she first became diagnosed & watched her for 2 years. I had to return to work for 2 years then after that I quit my job to care for her. My cousin then came in and took care of her but then had to move. In August of last year my father had a major heart attack while he was in the hospital my sister became my fathers power of attorney. She last year also took my mom who supposedly signed her power of attorney form ,mind you my mom does not speak, feed herself or can not write for the last 3 years. My mother never authorized my sister to be her power of attorney. My brothers & sisters for the last year had made a calendar that we all took turns on, my mother has 13 children, all living. On the 4th of July, 2011 my sister had taken my parents for the weekend on her day back she was upset because my niece who was living with my parents took the day off, she sent out a txt to all of her brothers and sisters saying I'm putting mom in a home, without having a family meeting. There are 7 of us who would take her into our homes & care for she will not give up the power of attorney to either one of us. Yesterday I went to visit my mother at nursing home. She was limp i could not get the nurses to help me wake her, it was as if she had passed it took me 45 min. to get her conscious the nurses at the home said that she was fine & they could not do anything until my sister who has POA would arrived she would not answer our calls as we tried to tell her mom possibly was dead. When sister finally arrived 45 min. later mom came to. SHe then kicked me & my other family members out and said if we step a foot on the property she would have us arrested. What can we do if she has children willing to care for her in our own homes & how can we become POA, I dont want any money to take care of my mother she can have all the money which by the way my mother does not get alot. As for my father he has been afraid of disagreeing with my sister because she has threatened him that she would put him in a home so he has now agreed to putting mom in a home. What do I do please help!!

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This is a heartbreaker.
There's a lot of good advice here. A family mediator may be able to help bring some peace with all of these siblings involved. The Health Directive or Power of Attorney for Health Care is how health decisions are made. If your sister had any kind of POA "signed" after you mother couldn't write or speak, then there should have been a witness. Otherwise, you may have to get an attorney. It's so said to see families brought to this, and with you having given up so much, it’s got to be heartbreaking. Talk to a social worker at your social services office or see if there is a family mediator in the phone book. Someone like that may work, though as has been said, you may need an attorney.
Take care,
Carol

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Danjen2 - I just reread your post. I already submitted comments earlier. You said when you visited your mom at the nursing home she was limp and you couldn't get nurses to get her up. That to me is a red flag against the nursing home right there. They should have been a LOT more concerned about one of their patients - almost seemed like they didn't want to be bothered, which is not a good indication of care for the patients there. I understand they have legal policies regarding DNR, etc. and must adhere to those documents, but it doesn't seem like that was the issue here. But to not even try to see if your mom was ok tells me they are not a competent facility. To me it also sounds like your sister who put mom in the nursing home has given them strict instructions against listening to any other family member other than her - sounds like she wants total conrol over everything. BridgeW above is correct - it is soooo sad to have mom in a facility when there are so many family members that are willing to take care of her at home. You would think your sister would be grateful for all your help. Sounds like a very very controlling person. Good luck.

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Power of attorney has nothing to do with health care, that is a health care proxy. She cannot tell you that you cannot see your mother. That is not her right, your father could take her out. You mother has rights. You have rights. Talk to a lawyer.

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Danjen2,
WOW, so sad to see someone put Mom is a facility when so many people want to love and care for her at home..!!!! I agree with all of the above statements above, you may be avle to ask the facility for a copy of the agreement, they SHOULD have it on file from when your mother was admitted. You may also ask the social worker at the facility for some assistance.
Blessings,
Bridget

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Danjen2, I am sorry for your frustration and heartache. I agree that you need to see an attorney. I would take a look at the Power of Attorney document and see if it is indeed for health care and if it was properly drawn up. If so the POA, (agent) is supposed to act based on the wishes of your mother. Your sister as POA should make choices and decisions based on what your mother would have wanted not on what your sister wants. This is what the attorney would focus on. Past conversations and interactions with physicians, spouse, family, and clergy may help determine your mothers wishes. It is those wishes which the POA should be protecting and advocating for. I would also suggest you revisit the POA paperwork for your father while he is competent. He can change his POA anytime he chooses and there should always be an alternate agent when the first agent is absent. Additionally he can add instructions regarding his placement, housing, pain control, or other comfort measures. Hope this is helpful.

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I agree with madge1 above. You have to be competent to sign your POA. It sure does sound suspicious. Have you seen a copy of it and do you think the signature is really that of your mothers? Also, since your mom is not able to speak or write which may classify her as "not mentally coherent" than it is a Durable Power of Attorney that has to be followed - not a Power of Attorney. A Power of Attorney is valid when the person is mentally capable of handling their affairs - it just gives that power to someone else to handle them. A Durable Power of Attorney kicks in the second that person becomes "incompetent". Both however are for finances, medical, business, loans, and anything else that you feel needs to be put in there. Two different forms and can have two different designees. However, when either one was signed it had to be in front of a notary. When a Durable Power of Attorney is signed the notary must ask questions to the person signing to make sure they are "competent" at the signing. Sounds like you have not only a family problem but a legal one as well. I would speak to an elder law attorney to make sure that these documents were legally signed by your mom; and that it might not even come under the POA as your sister thinks, but because of your mom's condition it must be a Durable POA - which you didn't state your mom has. You may need to file for guardianship. Did your mom ever fill out a living will, health care surrogate (which gives someone else the right to make health decisions) or a Do Not Resesitate order? These are all different forms also.

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For one thing, being POA is only for finances unless you're talking about the medical side which is DPOA I believe. So if she's not legally able to decide your mothers health issues, then all she can do is pay the bills and control the money.

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Danjen2, I am so sorry for your situation. It is too bad that your sister is acting like this and hurting others. I don't know why she is doing it but like Madge1 said, you may need to file for guardianship. There is a really wonderful webinar provided by eCareDiary.com about the legal paperwork in this situation. Maybe it will help?Good luck danjen2, my thoughts are with you.

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If your mother could not speak nor write. How did she give your sister power of attorney? If she did not authorized this how was it done? You have to be competent to give someone power of attorney. Who notorized this? Sounds suspicious to me. Have you actually seen the POA, did your sister forge your mom's signature? Was you mom present at the time of the signing of the notary? Lots of questions here. She as no right to order you and your siblings around. Sounds like a control freak to me. Looks as if you guys need to unite to get it across to her she is not the only child in this family.

If your mother had the ability to give your sister POA, then she has the ability to indicated if she wants to be in a nursing home or nor. I suspect she didn't have the ability to determine these things on her own.

Another thing you or one of your siblings can file for guardianship. This is complicated so you will need an elder lawyer. I would advise you get an elder lawyer anyway and listen to the lawyer's advise.

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My sister, mother's Power of Attorney, decided that she is going to put our mom in a nursing home. What can we do legally, if 7 out of 13 of my mother’s children would rather take her into our home?

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