My 68 year old father fell and broke his hip last Wednesday. He had a partial replacement the day after. He suffers from Lewy Body Dementia, Parkinsons and Celiac disease. He is 6.2 and was maybe 125 lbs when he fell. His overall health has been declining this past year and has lost weight within the last few months. The day after surgery they got him to eat and he seemed very groggy and confused due to the anesthesia. The next 2 days he seemed more confused and agitated. They ended up putting him on a dysphagia diet because he was having a hard time swallowing. He has had issues with this for awhile. He has always been an extremely picky eater but the LBD has made it worse the last year. Over the last few days he has refused much of anything. A few bites of pudding here, a few bites of ice cream there. He flat out refused mashed potatoes, applesauce etc. I spoke to his doctor and she asked "how aggressive" we want to be with him. He has been extremely agitated and yelling alot. As hard as it is for me, I made the decision to put him into hospice care. Per his living will, he does not want to be kept alive per artificial means. His doctor basically said his body is in feed me mode and his nutrient level (not sure what it's called) is 2.2. I feel lost. I don't want my Dad to die but he is refusing to eat himself. He has not been up out of the bed since the fall. He refuses everything and fights with everyone and says he can't do it. He is cognizant at times and then other times he's yelling stuff that doesn't make since. I don't want to live with regret when it comes to putting him hospice but even when we did my Dad's documents he said he didn't want artificial means of being kept alive. To me a feeding tube would be considered artificial and his living will States he doesn't want hydration or nutrients. He says he's hungry but refuses to eat much. He also failed 2 swallow tests and is coughing alot after eating or drinking anything. I would just like some reassurance I'm doing the right thing. His LBD wasn't terrible. He knows who we are etc he just wasn't able to live alone anymore. His doctor said rehab was not an option for him. He was also seeing psych in the hospital and they tried different meds to help manage his aggression but they were not working.
That his passing was difficult is what is troubling you right now, and second-guessing what else you could have done, but each decision you made, you believed to be the best one at that time. You did an excellent job of loving your dad. That is very clear.
I'm so sorry you're missing your dad now, but eventually, you'll remember less about his final difficult days and will remember the things about him that made you love him so much. Peace to you.
When a person refuses to eat, they are deciding to die. They are ready. Respect that he had a living will and he wanted this, even though the process of the dying is hard to see.
Allow yourself time to grieve, but do not let guilt feelings get in with it.