My (divorced from my dad) mom was talking to her friends about my dad. They told her if he goes on Medicaid, that she will lose her (court ordered) half of dad's pension. This caught me off guard as I'd never even thought or heard about that. From some googling, it sounds like they may be correct. Just wondering if anyone has experiences or knowledge of this and wants to share. Just curious and I don't expect it to replace legal info.
I guess it doesn't really matter because it is what it is but I'm worried about dad qualifying for Medicaid (he hasn't applied but probably will have to soon) with that extra income. And then worried about mom having her income cut.
Also do you believe this sounds like someone that is close to needing APS called? I feel too close to the situation to see it clearly. I keep waiting for a hospital stay to talk to a social worker there but it never comes....
Dad lives in a house that doesn't work well for aging. He turns 86 this month.
I went to take dad to the bank and pick up his taxes last week. He had a tear across the whole butt of his pants plus he had dog hair covering them. I asked him if he wanted to change them before we left and he said no.
Then we get in the car and I had to open my window some because of his smell.
His steps up to the house are falling through.
He doesn't want me to vaccuum his living room but there's a layer of dog hair on the carpet, furniture, and even some on the walls.
His house smells.
No known dementia but terrible decision making, mobility issues/falls, tremors, thyroid meds, heart rythm/bp meds and gabapentin, won't go to any doctors besides his cardiologist (he writes scripts for all dad's meds).
Won't agree to calling someone to find out what help he needs and qualifies for, going to need a wheelchair soon and his house isn't big enough for that, can't drive anymore, cardiologist had dad take his socks off and it was apparent he's not able to cut his toe nails, pretty much all hygiene is an issue.
Positives-he's still able to manage his meds and pay his bills. I have had to write a few checks for him before but that's because of his tremors.
He also can feed himself-mostly cereal, deli stuff, microwave a tv dinner, and even fry a hamburger.
I go there once a week for around an hour. That's pretty much the only face-to-face interaction he has with people besides his every six month cardiologist appt. and then a yearly visit from my sister and a yearly visit from my brother with his family (these visits only last an hour or two).
Thank you!
Who is "they"? The social worker? If so, I wouldn't put too much stock in that info.
Regarding your Dad's decline in abilities to care for himself: you can't get an uncooperative person to do something they don't want to do, even if it's in their own best interests. You will need to call APS, ask for wellness checks and just wait for the emergency that sends him to the ER.
If he doesn't have a PoA and won't assign one, then the county can acquire guardianship for him and will place him in a facility and manage all his affairs, including his home.
By they I just meant her friends. I figure I'll find out when/if it happens but was just curious if anyone else had dealt with that situation.
He has no POA.
I do know a neighbor of his reported him to APS anonymously before. This neighbor told me nothing came of it that she knows of and dad never mentioned it. This was a couple years ago though so may have been during covid? He's worse now then he was then though too.
Thank you!
No one has POA. I don't want it. And you are correct that he probably wouldn't want to hand over control to someone else.
His will has his late wife listed as executor and I don't want that either. His finances/debt is out of control.
Thank you
I agree the tremors and leg numbness/mobility issues need to be checked out but he won't go see a neurologist.
I found an AL facility awhile back that I really like and have a friend that lives there so I know it would be good for him. Once again he won't go for that. He seemed to like the idea at first but I don't think he'd be able to take his dog and am guessing that's what's stopping him from agreeing to it.
The place that does the assessments says on their website that the person needing care has to agree to it which he doesn't. I suppose I can call and see what info I can get though.
I think it's pretty much APS as my only option at this point. I will have to talk to him and tell him his options are to cooperate and have more say in the decisions or I call APS.
Thanks again!
Okay, then go ahead and take the APS route if you must.
I certainly hope that you will be able to get this resolved soon.
Secondly, please check with an elder attorney about all of this.
Thirdly, your dad isn’t safe living alone anymore. You don’t really know what all of his medical issues are because he hasn’t seen a doctor for a complete examination in quite some time.
Seeing a cardiologist every six months isn’t enough to determine if your dad has other medical conditions.
Tremors? My mom had tremors due to Parkinson’s disease. His tremors may be related to something else but you need to see what’s going on.
Get him to a doctor as soon as you can. Tell him that he has to go in order to get his scripts filled.
Not only that, he isn’t able to manage his home by himself and he won’t allow you to help either, so he definitely needs to be placed.
Not to mention that he is having difficulty with caring for his own hygiene.
Have you started looking at facilities for your dad? Do that now.
Also, call Council on Aging in your area. They will do an assessment of your father’s needs. They will be a source for you to get information on how to proceed in getting help for your dad.
Wishing you and your family well.
Please update us about your dad’s condition. We care.
Just read your profile. I understand how you feel and I am glad that you have boundaries in place and that he won’t be moving in with you but he isn’t safe at home alone. He should be placed in a facility as soon as possible.