My 73-yr-old mother has been in contact with men on the computer that say they're in the service overseas. Several have asked her for money, which she doesn’t have. What can I do?

A friend’s mother has recently sent over $40,000 meant for her retirement and care to a scam that sounds much like this. The family has acted to take over mom’s finances and cut off her access to money. I did something similar with my dad’s finances. When I visited the bank, they knew my dad well and that he had no dementia, but quickly agreed this was a good idea. Though I had POA I never showed it. I had all bills sent to me, all banking changed to electronic delivery to me, and forwarded his mail to my home. You’ll never stop the scammers, but you can cut the money flow

I cant convince my father that mailing money to "kiki" in Kenya is a scam.
so far she has asked for airfare so she can come marry/take care of him.

All I hear is she is poor and needs money for food blah blah.
When i ask how she can afford internet but not food ,he responds the Kenyan government is passing out electronics and free internet.

He really wants to believe some 30 year old woman is attracted to an 87 year old man.

If He loses everything, so be it.

If she already has a dx of Alzheimer's or any form of dementia, she is considered not competent to give DPoA anylonger. And even with the PoA in place since she is apparently fairly active and get about by herself, I'm not sure how you can protect her. Unfortunately, you can't alert every bank or funds transfer agency in the country as she seems quite determined to do it 'her way".

Good luck and blessings on you for caring about her.

Your mom’s identity has been totally compromised. She’s on a pigeon list and her info is getting passed around to others for new love affairs, new opportunities that are all scams. Your having a POA not gonna do squat to change or stop this, you going to have to seek guardianship over her & need to find an attorney to get this done. Guardianship not a DIY and you might find that you could get guardianship over “her financials” but she retains her ability to determine over “her person” so where & how she lives but subject to it’s affordability.

only by having legal guardianship over her can you shut down her ability to use her $ however badly she sees fit to do. Right now if she flat wants to withdraw & wire $ to a scam, neither you or the banks cannot stop her. She is fortunate that someone caught a couple and stopped payments. But it’s not the banks responsibility if mom wants to wire $ or buy credit cards and give the #s out so they can be cashed in.

Dean Kennedy…. Lol. I don’t know what it is with “dean” but apparently that name is used a lot in romance scams. Maybe it’s a Dean Martin, James Dean, hell a Dino,Desi& Billy reference that makes “Dean” work. There is a 2019 article by Jim Kreisler “The latest on Romance Scams” on the federal consumer.ftc.gov site. A ton of sad comments from women all listing the info on their “boyfriends” and how often names / photos / details all overlap but with 1 or 2 details different. There’s “Dean George”, “George Dean”, “Andy Dean George”; couple wrote their “Kennedy” seemed wrong as had accent even though he said he was related to Hyannis Pt Kennedy’s. They often say they are working on an oil rig and need $ to get back to the US and to her; or on a construction project abroad and need a bit of $ to exit customs 🛃 & they are bringing her back gifts too. Really anyone reading this….. get a nice adult beverage and read the article and the comments… there but for the grace of God go I….

If she owns her home, I’d be real concerned that eventually someone is going to create an identity as mom and use her home as collateral for lending to buy a car or get a personal loan. It won’t be an obvious known by mom or you till either payments become way over due on loans with that has moms house as collateral or when she needs to sell the place and there are judgements placed against it.

couple of things you might want to do while you mull over filing for guardianship…..
- go online for your mom and get a current copy of her credit report from the big 3. Create a gmail account in her name to request this. They probably will not send you the report online but via snail mail to her so be on the lookout. Then you can review to see if she needs to do freezes or cancel cards that look totally sketchy.
- contact a title company and have them run a title search on moms property. If anyone has placed it as collateral, it should surface.
- review her banking and make a list of all the checks or withdrawals that do not make sense.
all of this you can give the atty so they can start to build a case that guardianship is needed for financials. If things are uncovered, police reports should be filed so that that $ will not be viewed as gifting should,she later on need to apply for Medicaid to pay for LTC in a facility

Good luck & yeah it’s hard as it seems just so beyond obvious that it’s a scam. At 73 mom could live another 20 years…… she’s going to need the $.

“She stopped paying her funeral plan insurance and she told me, well, you girls just have to figure it out." WOW.

I don’t know how to go about getting POA, but many here do. Your mom is losing her ability to make rational decisions. Maybe take away any cards she has and give her a prepaid debit card? Can you alert the bank at Walmart?

There’s a bunch of Dr Phil shows with older people who’ve been scammed like this. Can find them on YouTube and have her watch them. Might help?

As for figuring out her funeral… Since she no longer cares about her funeral, inform her that there will not be any service when she passes. Just a quick burial and the most basic grave marker. Like sticking a little cross in the ground with her name written on it with a Sharpie, and call it a day. You’ve already figured it out!

As a last ditch effort… “Mom, you’re giving away your money and several banks have told you that you’re being scammed. I’m worried you will lose everything. I think we need to get you into assisted living since you’re making these bad decisions.” That might snap her back to reality.

You should also gather all the details you can, especially contact numbers, and report the scams. 

I believe either the FBI or another federal service has a specific website for scam reporting, but I don't recall offhand.  You can search online for "reporting scams" and provide all the details to the Feds.  If I recall correctly, at one time, our state police had a special task force to deal with scammers.  I don't know it if still does.

This is not a unique experience or attack against elders; many others have reported that their elders also were scammed.  In fact, several years ago when John Kerry was still a Senator, a hearing was held at which victims and/or their adult children testified as to how they had been scammed.  It was quite emotional; some of the elders recognized how they have been tricked and broke down in tears while testifying.

As already advised, you need to get control of your mother's finances and take over bill payment and control of her assets so she can't be tricked into providing more funds for these dirtbags.

You might check the AARP and FTC's websites as well.   If I recall correctly, AARP does write periodically about people who are scammed, not just the "love ya" scammers, but those who scam people out of their homes, and who also scam the purchasers b/c the scammers don't clear title.

There is hope though; sometime ago I read of an FBI agent who was approached by a  scammer.  Knowing the government operations as he does, he along with other Feds set up their own operation, tricked the scammer, caught him and I think some of his accomplices.   Payback is really great!

You’ll never be able to catch the guy trying to scam your mother, so you need to get control of her finances. You need to stop the bleeding from your mother’s end, so figure out how to get control of the finances today.

Your Mom is being scammed right and left and will lose all of her money. I am assuming she is not demented. Other than taking her to web site like AARP and letting her read about these common scams, there is little you can do to stop her from being scammed. Sure, you can see an elder law attorney, but that won't stop your Mom.
All this is assuming she has no dementia. If she does you need to get guardianship and shut down the accounts quick as she is well on her way to being wiped out.