I can't believe I'm back on this forum...although I missed the kindness. My dad finally passed away in March. A blessing. I've done a great job maintaining boundaries with my narcissistic mom, who is 85 and stubborn and refuses to leave an unsafe house or even get a cell phone. I'm at peace with that. But the other day, my aunt told me my mom called her because my mom had a doctor's appointment (ironically she told the doctor she doesn't have memory problems according to the notes from the visit). After the appointment she couldn't find her car in a small town. She ended up walking home (not sure why she didn't ask a stranger or go back in the doctor office) and calling my aunt. They found it in an alley (a legal spot) but still....not where my mom was convinced she'd left it. I am ok with her choice to die in her home but I'm not ok with her injuring someone else while driving. She'll never willingly give up her keys. Do I call the state (they haven't done much before)? Is forgetting where she parked enough to trigger action? She's not remotely reasonable. No point in talking to her
But you may want to ignore all of this. Unless you know for a fact mom is driving erratically. If she wants independence and is totally unreasonable to deal with, then she gets to walk home from doctors appointments and maybe grocery stores next, who knows?
At some point, you have to look out for yourself. Mother has been nothing but a drain on you for a very long time now. This is just more of the same. Your hands are tied due to her foul personality, so what's the answer? Lie awake worrying all night every night, disable her car, or put earplugs in your ears and blinders on your eyes and live your life. I'm sorry you've been put in such a position, I truly am. One day something will happen that forces mother into managed care w/o her consent and maybe then you'll be released from all this. That's my hope.