How can I get mom to stop sending money to mail-in sweepstakes? She refuses to believe they are scams!

My 89 year old dad is still at it ( see two earlier posts), giving huge amounts of money to the scammers and I am giving up...they can have it. My mental health is more important than keeping him from throwing away the rest of my and my daughter's inheritance. He is now getting close to the $200,000 mark (yes two hundred thousand dollars) that he has given to scammers over the last 10 years (only $100,000 left of his life savings, which he formerly was so proud of having to leave to me and my daughter). I placed him in an assisted living facility to try to stop it, but they too are frustrated and say that under the law there isn't anything they can do. They stopped giving him any mail except obvious bank statements and the like, but he goes directly to the post office to get the mail before it arrives behind their backs. I have POA, but that doesn't help, as I can't transfer more than $13,500 to my account every year as a "gift" without a tax penalty, and I can't stop him from taking cash out and running to get money orders even if I now take care of all his finances and don't let him have any checks (he used to write hundreds of $20-60 checks each month and spend at least $3000 a month). And now has started on a new type of scam where they call and tell him that he has won $8 million but he needs to go get thousands of dollars of green dot moneypacks from the pharmacy and give them the number of the card, which allows them to take the money. He has already paid $6000 this month so far to these new scammers. I scream, cry, reason, send him copies of scam alerts relating to each scam as he starts, talk to his psychiatrist, etc. to no avail. He either denies he is doing it, says he is working with the fbi catching the scammers so he has to keep on doing it to help the fbi catch them, says all the past ones were scams but this time the $8 million is real, etc! He is angry with me for interfering with his life and his "fun". Maybe he is right, it is his money and I have no right to stop him. I have little money and have been unemployed for a few years (and at 60 its not easy to find a new position) and could have badly used the inheritance for my own old age, and it also galls me to have thieves take it (if he had spent it on something real or a vacation around the world I would not have minded). But I can't go on ruining my life over this, nor ruining my daughter's, who has also been trying to stop him and who has been working her way through college while her grandfather throws so much money down the tubes. Only thing left to do would be to declare him incompetent if I could, but aside from the huge cost would alienate him from me even more. The scammers have won.

Wow lgb, your post scares me. Does your dad have dementia? If your dad is in assisted living, how does he get his mail?

Yes, your mental health is important. And I would probably not try arguing with your dad because it results in nothing except hurt and angry feelings all around.

I would NOT give up though. If he were in his right mind (clearly he's not), he would rather the money to go to his family than to these scammers. He is not able to realize, or not willing to realize, that he is throwing good money after bad.
I would seriously consider other tactics, yes, maybe getting him deemed incompetent, would be the thing to do.

Here's how I look at it. He can either give the money to bullshi* idiots, or to you.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU, but this has me really pissed off! I want the money to go to you. We're not talking about money for his: food, clothing, shelter, etc, right?!

Thanks karenp. No, he gets an air force retirement check and social security enough to pay the assisted living facility and bills and to spend an additional $2000 a month on this stuff, although he is going way beyond this every month, and thus the loss of 2/3 of his life savings. Also, he is not sick enough to be in the dementia or physically impaired wings that do not allow patients to leave on their own, despite using a walker, so he can go out any time if he signs out of the facility to the post office, bank or CVS to buy those moneycards. Ironically he passes the dementia tests with flying colors, some mild cognitave impairment is what his doctors tell me although they admit this obsession is totally crazy and try to work with him on curtailing it, but he listens to them even less than to me, and lies to them as well, as do his bankers and the administrators at the home, so the only way to prove him incompetent is to demonstrate how insanely he is using his money, which one lawyer told me he actually legally can do (he can also gamble it away, marry a 21-year old gold-digger that he meets online, throw it in the street, etc, as under the law a person has the right to use his money as foolishly as he wishes, from what the lawyer said). Also I would lose my dad's "love" (ha, this can't be how he shows it, all we end up doing is arguing every week when I catch him in his absurd lies that he tries to pass of to avoid my catching him, as he doesnt get that I can see every withdrawal and a copy of every check he writes online, and he somehow leaves the money order receipts around for me to see when I visit as if to taunt me) and, besides, he will go into a furious tirade and stop speaking to me for a long time if I try to take away his independence...and what if he passes away during the cold spell and I would feel guilty for the rest of my life (although I wouldn't mind not speaking to him at all, as all he talks about is how in the next week the money will come in and what he will do with it, even though I ask him to not tell me about this nonsense, and only see him and speak to him now out of a sense of duty). I think at this point his obsession is also proving me wrong all of these years as well. I am turning over his finances to someone else so I don't have to see the money go and get aggravated. If I try to remind him of how he wanted to leave that money to us, how he used to proudly send me statements every few months of how much it is and what banks/accounts everything is in so I would have access easily when the time came, even though I asked him to stop because it was morbid)he accuses me of just caring about his money and my inheritance, and hoping he will die soon so I can have it, and of killing him now anyway by spying on him, restricting him and reprimanding him and ruining his now-shorter life (can I live with this guilt as well if he does die soon that I helped caused it?). Glad I don't have the car key argument anymore. Someone saw how erratically he drives (accidents almost every month and driving on the sidewalk next to his bank didn't seem to deter the local police and his insurance agency from doing anything) and made a formal complaint so the police asked his doctor to fill out a form that he was fit to drive, which they wouldn't do since they suspect he can't safely and don't want to get sued if he kills someone, even though he has no specific disability or illness that they can report other than old age) and the DOV finally took his license away which has infuriated him even more but made the world a safer place. He is becoming extremely mean, and horribly verbally abusive, but even the home says he is too clever and both outsmarts them and gets into rages that they can't control when he feels cornered or restricted. I know my giving in to the scammers only allows them to keep on doing this to this column's readers parents, but I am unable to do anything anyway, and my dad has probably won the patsy prize and is on every mailing/calling list for being the US's prime gullible idiot, so they win. Sorry folks.

There is a way to get the scammers to stop sending mail to him. You need to write a letter to each scam outfit and tell them to stop. According to US Postal regulations they must stop in 60 days of face fines. There are some web sites that may help you listed under stop scam mail.

If you cotact the Postal Inspectors office they may be able to help you recover some of the money from the scammers. You will need to know which ones he sent money to but that should be fairly easy if you can get access to his checking account to look at the cancelled checks.

If he is buying money pak cards then he is likely giving that info to phone scammers who got his phone info from the mail scammers. I recommend that you send the letters to get the mail to stop and then have his phone number changed. Do it in that order or changing his number will be a useless effort as he will give out his new number when filling out his "applications". I have gone through this with my dad and the only thing that worked with him was to get the mail to stop by sending the letters. Good luck to you in resolving this. Be patient you can win this battle.

The only way I could stop my mom from falling for these things is to intercept the mail and THROW THEM OUT. Not so easy for many of you who do not live with your parent. It's hard. It's almost like these seniors are using a play book. It's like "Oh, I'm 75 and I've never been gullible and ridiculous where mail sweepstakes before -- BUT I MUST NOW because it says so right here". I coudlnt' believe how mom would fall for the same company that tried to sell her the magazines last month. She felt so 'tricked". She also had the nerve to get mad AT ME for trying to stop her. Ah, THE GOLDEN YEARS!

Surf3fin...thanks for the help. Unfortunately these scammers did not stop when I tried writing to ask for them to stop (I spent days on this, as there are hundreds of them), nor of course when I put my dad on the various no-call and no-mail lists, since what they are doing is illegal anyway and most are actually offshore and beyond the reach of US law enforcement, from what I have been told by the police, FBI, etc. Tried the Postal Inspectors, and they were of no help at all. I tried changing his phone number three times, and all he did was call the phone company the second he found out (in a panic, I might add, fearing he was missing one of their calls) and had it changed back. For someone clever enough to do this, and to constantly outsmart me, how can he be so gullible? So hard to understand, as Kedwards460 says.

If they continue sending him mail beyond 60 days of receiving your letter then they are in violation of the Postal Service regulations and the Postal Inspector can issue them fines of $500 per letter they send. keep a copy of the letter you sent them and then send in a complaint to the postal inspectors office for each one received after 60 days. (I go 90 days just to be safe) Retain the offers they send along with the postmarked envelopes so the Inspector can prosecute. It may take 3 or 4 months but the Inspectors will respond. I am working with 3 inspectors now relating to my dad's same problem.

surf3fin. Thanks so much. Good luck with this, and let us know how it turns out. I, personally, ran into a brick wall with this route, as all of the scammers ended up being beyond the reach of law enforcement and fines, as they ultimately ended up leading to offshore crooks through a series of onshore shell companies, and the money is long gone.

Lqb--do you have power of attorney? I moved the bulk of my mother's money into an account that she does not know where it is and put only the money she needs into her account. It is her account with me as a cosigner, but the mailing addr is mine, so it avoids the tax problem.

If this is such a problem..and clearly it is to many of us...why aren't there stricter laws to enforce this? Understandable that there is nothing that can be done overseas, but it is ridiculous that nothing is done to save our seniors. A family should be able to petition the courts quickly and cheaply to have their loved one deemed free from the greedy grabbing hands of these predators. And the penalties should be huge if they violate the law.

Thanks all. Someone suggested that it be illegal for the seniors to enter into these schemes...that would make it so much easier for us to stop them. Instead of us being the bad guys taking their fun away (and, as my dad says , stopping him from collecting his millions) it would be the "law". And seniors believe in "the law", which is why they can't understand that these might be scammers since if they were scams surely "the law" would not let them exist, right?). I am all for this. PS Terry, I tried asking the bank to move the money to another "hidden" account since I do have power of attorney, but they said that if the account is in my dad's name (or joint) we need his signature, and moving it to an account with only my name would be considered a taxable gift. Perhaps this differs on a state by state basis. In the meantime he has also transferred some money to a new account at another bank to avoid my being able to control his money from the internet and see his checks and withdrawals. Of course, I could see the huge check made out to himself from the old bank, and got him to confess that he opened it.

Thanks all. Someone suggested that it be illegal for the seniors to enter into these schemes...that would make it so much easier for us to stop them. Instead of us being the bad guys taking their fun away (and, as my dad says , stopping him from collecting his millions) it would be the "law". And seniors believe in "the law", which is why they can't understand that these might be scammers since if they were scams surely "the law" would not let them exist, right?). I am all for this. PS Terry, I tried asking the bank to move the money to another "hidden" account since I do have power of attorney, but they said that if the account is in my dad's name (or joint) we need his signature, and moving it to an account with only my name would be considered a taxable gift. Perhaps this differs on a state by state basis. In the meantime he has also transferred some money to a new account at another bank to avoid my being able to control his money from the internet and see his checks and withdrawals. Of course, I could see the huge check made out to himself from the old bank, and got him to confess that he opened it.

I have been pleased with the sending of the letters in that I was successful in stopping almost all of the mail scams from being sent to him. As to the phone calls that are coming from out of the country the only answer is to change the phone number. I hope that the information I provided is helpful to you.

My mom's obsessing about Pub Clearing House AGAIN. 2 days ago she rang the bell for me @ 6:15 a.m. for me to take her to the bathroom and greeted me with "Hello Rich Girl". To tell you the truth I thought she said 'witch girl' b/c I was half asleep and was too tired to care what she called me but I just said "good morn" and placed her in her wheelchair. She started in on her obsession about how she just KNOWS she's going to win and I'm going to be rich. When all I said it "that's nice" , she got ticked off at me. I understand that Parkinson's causes obsessive behavior (might be the condition or the meds or a combo) but it is annoying.

Oh Kedwards, how sad isn't it? My mother was convinced she was going to win and "we" would be rich also. Your mother, like mine, thinks she is going to share her winnings with her child. Since I have been handling the mail, it has been so much easier. The only things she brings to me now are from a magazine. She shows me the form and then I throw it out when she isn't looking. I never thought it would come to this. My mother would never have fallen for these scams, but with the dementia things have changed. Hang in there.

IWhat I do when I get those calls is to say our DA does not like his county people being scamed. But should she be driving to the post office with her mental decline-maybe you could suggest another hobby since she probably has time on her hands.I think I would continue to have her mail sent to you even though it is a hassel to have to keep doing it since she does go and chanhe it back to her getting the mail.

wow. Been there. My mom orders up zillions of magazine subscriptions from these sweepstakes places, probably thinking that the more she orders, the better her chances of winning. My mom is not destitute and does not need to win a sweepstakes to keep her in the expensive facility that she and my dad live in. It is a judgment issue. With dementia, comes worsening judgment. The "mild cognitive impairment" that she was diagnosed with is not static. It will turn into moderate and then severe. So this will get worse. (Sorry if I sound blunt.) She also is in the stage where she can "un-do" what you do to protect her, i.e. - having her mail sent to her house again, after you changed it. Been there, too. My mom would have mags laying around the house, like "Parenting", "Rolling Stone", "GQ", etc. - she & my dad are in their NINETIES!! Then the mags build up, are hoarded, she packs them in boxes and stuffs them in closets. About once a year, I'd be on the phone with her credit card co. and the people selling her the mags, getting her account credited, stopped the subscriptions, etc. It takes forever. I got tired of spending a 1/2 day working on it. You can threaten these people with calling the State's Atty's Office for their state if they don't take her off the mail and call list. It will not stop. I was paying all of my parents' bills, so the bills were all coming to my house. After a couple of yrs, she called her credit card co. to have that bill sent to her again, so I couldn't see what she was charging. I closed her credit card and got one with a new credit card no. I also had sent POA documents to her credit card co. I made it so that no changes whatsoever can be made to her credit card acct. without a password, which only I have. The credit card co. will not issue her a 2nd card. Now she could apply for a card elsewhere, but that's unlikely, since I now get ALL of their mail delivered to my house. I can throw out the junk and take the real mail to them.
I would suggest getting POA for your mom and taking more control, even tho' it's hard. It's for her safety. Financial safety is important, and she losing her good judgment. It's a hassle to send the POA documents to any financial institution that she does business with, but better to get it done now. You should also get on her bank accts, so you can check them on-line and see what she's up to. You literally have to start spying on what she's doing with her money, but it's for her financial safety and will save you lots of time and headache. It only gets worse.

As POA on her accts., you are not legally liable for any mistakes or overdrafts, etc. that she makes. However, when she passes, her accts are frozen and you will have no access to them. I took over my parents' biggest acct and used it for paying bills. They did not even have that checkbook in their home. I opened a separate acct. for them that always has about $1000 in it, so they feel like that have an acct that they control. I monitor that acct. like an eagle. Recently, she did give her checking acct. no. to an outfit that is a "mortgage minder service". They were going to deduct $30 from her acct. every month into perpetuity. My parents have not had a mortgage in 5 yrs. This is what happens to their judgment as things get worse. So had to deal with that, call them, threaten them, etc. Hopefully that is dealt with. Now I have to close that acct. because she has given out the checking acct. no. They will give out their social security no. to anyone who asks. They do not understand about identity theft, people who prey on seniors, etc. They think no one can get anything past them. It is eternal vigilance, once this behavior starts. BEST of luck. Good on you for noticing and watching out for your mom.

My Mom would do that, and also give to any charity that sent her mail also. I contacted solicitors, and intercept the mail as much as possible. I also pay her bills. It has stopped substantially. The more they give, the more mail they get it seems. Good luck.

Maybe use their money to hire a lawyer who can write letters to these people who are scaming your parents can you find them a good hobby to take up there time can you talk to them and somehow convinve them they are wasting money they may need in the years to come for their care if they do not want to end up in a NH

I know it's a hard thing to make them understand that the person they are dealing with is scamming them. When I was working at my job in the county court house we had an elderly lady come in who wanted us to notarize a paper to give this man she talked to on the phone access to her bank account because he told her she had won a car and they needed a 'processing fee'. We tried to talk her out of it and the County Clerk took her down to talk to one of the Co. Judges and he tried to talk her out of it. I'm sure she found someone to do. I just hope they didn't clean her out of all her money. There are some good answers on to your question and I'm crossing my fingers for you that you will get through to her.

I agree with the others. Go back to the post office and make sure you get all her mail. Then ahold of her money as well. You have her checkbook/cc at your house and have the statements sent to you. So take control of her mail and her money. I also like what ladee said about the mailing lists. I am not a doctor but she sounds like it is more than MCI, but what do I know. Perhaps it was at the test but has grown into dementia.

My mom lives with me she is 80 and has Dementia she has her social security direct deposit to her bank account that is in her name alone. She is receiving scam lotteries everyday and writing out checks to them as well as sending cash in the mail as well. I do not know what to do. she waste stamps and checks as well as her income all the time I try to reason with her i have shown her they are nothing but scams through information through the internet and at that time she then agrees with me and tears everything up including the checks she had just written out for them. but then the next day she's back doing it all over again. she all ways has my brothers mail them for her I ask my brothers not to but they will not listen and mail them any ways. but i have nobody in the family at all helping me in any way concerning taken care of her. what can i do? i have tried getting elderly social workers involved and still NOT getting the help needed. she is all ways putting me down never has anything nice to say about me or to me but yet her sons do nothing to help out and mom is all ways giving them money as well then she complains she has no money. please help me i am on the verge of a nervous break down and need help!

Karen1961 are you able to intercept the mail. That's what I had to do. Since mom can't go to the mailbox (mobility issues due to Parkinson's) I am the only one who gets the mail now. I throw out 90% of it b/c not only was she addicted to Publisher's Clearing House and was always convinced that the latest mailing was "the one that was going to put us on Easy Street", she also gets mail from every political and charitable group in the world. I throw out pretty much everything except for bills, catalogs which she looks at, sometimes orders from but mostly just looks at. Out of sight -- out of mind is my motto. Felt guilty for like 2 seconds knowing I was throwing out her mail but it was ridiculous. She gets like 40 pieces of mail a day -- all begging mail as I call it -- wanting $$$. Sorry your siblings don't help out. I'm an only child but from what I've seen and heard caregiving always falls to me so you must feel like an only child now too. Good luck.

Meant to say "falls to one" The older I get the more I suck at typing on a computer. UGGGHH!!

Thank you all for the very helpful info as my 87 yr old mother has fallen prey to these low life's. I am at my wits end when trying to explain to her that she has not "won" anything & will never see any of the so called "prizes" that were promised. A few days ago she called me very excited & said "I wanted you to be the first to know that I just won a brand new Mercedes Benz along with a check for one million dollars, he called to tell me that he is on his way here (to her home) from Ft. Lauderdale & will be here in 45 minutes to deliver her prizes in person. She was instructed to put two envelopes with a check in each envelope, one had a $300 check & the other $150 & put them in her mailbox which she did!!! I told her to take them out of the mailbox NOW. To my surprise she did but only after I told her that if it was legitimate they would not have her put checks on the mailbox that they would knock on the door. I live 10 minutes away & my brother lives in her home but he isn't reliable & really doesn't care like he should. I got to her house as fast as I could & parked down the street but no one ever showed up - that day. When I asked her for the two names she wrote the checks out to she refused to tell me & refused to give me the checks to see. Two days later my brother called to tell me she had put the checks on the mailbox again & claimed to be waiting with pen & paper (as I instructed) to write down their tag number & description (so he says) & the next thing he hears is my mom accusing him of taking the envelopes off the mailbox. He said he overheard her talking on the phone to who sounded like the same man from 2 days prior so my brother yelled into the phone that he would be waiting for him too.
My mother is not wealthy by any means. She was a single mom who raised 4 kids by herself who worked 3 different jobs on no sleep. She now relies on a fixed income from SS & has ALWAYS watched every penny & would never throw it away on a maybe. I don't want to take away her independence but someone (as always me) has to take whatever is necessary to put a stop to this.
The cops or whatever elder affair agencies must step up & do something about these scumbags who prey on the elderly & make an example out of every one they do catch & convict by giving them a very long state prison term. It just may deter the next scam artist or at the very least make him/her think twice.

My mother was the Vice President at a bank and was responsible for catching a ring of people who were planning a bank robbery. She and my father always lived a conservative lifestyle and had little debt. She was one of the most thorough book keepers I have ever seen. When she was in her early 80's she began receiving the lottery scams as well as the sweepstakes scams in the mail. She was not an addictive personality type so it was apparent that she either made the mistake of being too trusting or she lost the ability to make good financial decisions. It is most likely dementia. I tried everything from removing the sweepstakes from the mail to interventions with police, family members and friends. Nothing had worked. I became her POA and it worked for five years and now she is attempting to have it over turned. I am now seeking Guardian/Conservatorship over her. She has lost approximately $100,000. She tells me (when I warn her that she could end up penniless on the street) that she doesn't care if she ends up homeless, and insists that it is her money and she can do whatever she wants with it. My advice is get POA first then seek out a physician to determine the cause of the problem. A POA should be unable to be overturned if the person is diagnosed with dementia AFTER the POA is in effect. If that is not possible in your circumstances, then immediately pull together your facts about losses etc. contact an estate planning attorney or a social worker at a non profit or state funded Senior Services Center. Social workers are very adept in providing free or low cost assistance with this particular issue. My last piece of advice is DON'T WAIT!! This type of issue is very common in early dementia and the situation will not improve. I wish you the very best of luck. Stick to your guns and don't give up.

I just read your reply & I agree with your last piece of advice. A few weeks ago my mom called my sister who lives in another state. My sister calls mom b/c it's free, my mom hasn't called her in 20 yrs b/c of long distance costs. Mom was crying hysterically & it was 1:00 A.M. her time & asked to borrow $1,000. & if she turned her down she would never speak to her again. We were all shocked b/c my sister is the sweetest person I have ever known & everyone who knows her loves her. She called me telling me about the call & that was when I told her that mom hasn't been paying her bill, they are all past due & she didn't pay her taxes either. So instead of sending her cash, she paid all her utilities & brought them up to date. She called the Publix grocery store near mom & asked the manager if she could send her a $100 gift card. The manager went a step farther & hand delivered it with flowers. When mom answered the door she was thrilled until she was told it was from my sister & did an about face of the manager & told her what she could do with the flowers & gift card. She refuses to speak to my sister b/c she didn't send cash. She called my 3 kids in the same crying state, begging to borrow money.
I wrote a letter & made 2 copies. I sent one to the postal inspector in DC, one to the postal inspector in Miami-Dade county & the 3rd to the fraud dept.
Within a week a very nice lady from DC whose job is to investigate the Jamaican lottery scam against the elderly. She didn't have good news for me & asked if mom's house was paid in full. I told her it was & she said mom will lose her home or they will set up a reverse mortgage for her if they haven't done so already. Stop paying her bills, take her to a geriatric Dr., gather all evidence on what she's been doing & take it a an attorney who specializes in elder law who will set up a court date to appoint a conservorship & act now do not wait. She also said that b/c she has been communicating with these people for so long that if God himself came down from heaven & told her she was being scammed that she still wouldn't believe him.
She has had the same phone number for 45 yrs & we have since changed the number 4 times. I had her mail sent to a P.O. Box but the 1st day she didn't get 50 plus pieces of mail she got on the bus & went to the post office to find out why. When my sister went to pay her next phone bill it was over $900 for calls she unknowingly made to Jamaica.
I hope they can stop them & soon.

I cannot believe that there is no international law that can be enforced against these pathetic scammers. My mom's dementia is so severe now, and she has no phone that none of this even matters to her anymore. But only about a year or so ago she had asked me to send money to the Jamaican's so she could claim her winnings.

Maybe no politicians care because they don't NEED to care. There should be easy, inexpensive ways to take guardianship over our loved ones when these things happen to them. I think it's disgusting and wish only bad things for those who victimize them