Mom is 94 and has a bad hip, copd, and now dental issues. She lost my Dad three years ago, her 13 year old dog passed away within months also. She was living alone until last fall when my sister and I convinced her to move to a senior apartment within five minutes of us. It’s a wonderful place with activities and caring residents. I’ve tried to get her to interact with the other residents, but she doesn’t hear well so shuts down. She is older than most others there, but insists that she can take care of herself and doesn’t want assisted living. She has been getting along okay except for her overwhelming unhappiness. She wants her old life back. Every visit or phone call always ends up with a laundry list of everything she has given up. Her health is failing and she’s becoming frail, so needs more help than she’s willing to get. She is angry and resentful over the smallest things we do to help her. Any offer of help is met with objections and a fight. When we moved her near us, I envisioned taking care of her. Getting her groceries, taking her places, having lunch or dinner together, or just doing my best to take care of her. She has fought us all the way, never saying thank you for anything we do. My sister and I are doing everything we can to help her enjoy herself. I totally see how difficult it is for her to let go of the past, but it is killing part of me too. Her depression is becoming my depression. I took her to my doctor, but the doctor didn’t say anything other than it’s perfectly normal to grieve the loss of your independence. I can’t just stop visiting her, she’s been my best friend my whole life. I want to help her, but don’t know how. Sorry this is so long, any advice?
Please go easy on yourself. You don't have to be an expert re-director. You don't have to do a perfect job of employing the "therapeutic lie." After visits when I knew I was completely blowing the therapeutic lie, I would return to find that my mother had completely forgotten the details of our last visit. In our mothers' forgetting, there is an unspoken forgiveness. You've given your best shot, and, when you think your best shot is not enough, it's OK. Chances are that it won't matter.
Best of luck to you. You really are giving your mother your best effort, and you deserve a lot of credit.
At least, that is what I always picture when I hear the phrase. Maybe that is just my imagination running wild. I have never personally written a laundry list! lol
````````````````````` I reacted before I read posts after iDoctor's. Seems like several of us have an interest in words.
I was at a baby shower with large plastic baby safety pins as part of the decorations. Some of the youngest guests had no idea why safety pins are associated with babies. Those of us who washed diapers sure did!
Do you know what/why a bell-ringer is? Why is working late called the graveyard shift? What's a Dear John letter? I think the origin of expressions is fascinating. And I don't see that it has ANYTHING to do with being politically correct.
BTW iDoctor, I did not think your post was especially critical. It was an aside to mention a pet peeve, I thought. Come back and share your opinions about caregiving (unless you really are a troll, then you can crawl back under your bridge.)
I love wierd words and phrases too.
Why not start a thread?
Why is it a baby "shower"? They don't shower anyone, let alone the baby.
( I'm showing my age here) Being fit as a fiddle?
I bought a book, Why do we say that? (I think it was.) Gav the origin of the saying and what it was supposed to mean.
Left it behind after the divorce.