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Llamalover's comment reminded me of something me mother said a few years ago: "This business of getting old is certainly no fun." I mentioned this to her slightly-older sister-in-law (my aunt) who has always had a good sense of humor, and that elicited a hearty "belly-laugh" from her!
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jacobsonbob: Glad to give you a chuckle. We all need one from time to time.
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SueC1957 raised a great point: pain. You've shared that your mom has a bed hip and COPD, and you have also shared that your sister has learned how to redirect your mother. Is it the case that your mother is showing signs of dementia? I have read that dementia is accompanied by demyelination (a stripping away of the protective coating of nerves and neurons), and that demyelination can lead to neuropathy (nerve pain). Your mother may be in more pain than she is currently able to describe. I firmly believe that was the case with my own mother, who died this past July. Nerve pain is horrific. It is a kind of pain that is terrifying, and it is guaranteed to bring personality changes.

Please go easy on yourself. You don't have to be an expert re-director. You don't have to do a perfect job of employing the "therapeutic lie." After visits when I knew I was completely blowing the therapeutic lie, I would return to find that my mother had completely forgotten the details of our last visit. In our mothers' forgetting, there is an unspoken forgiveness. You've given your best shot, and, when you think your best shot is not enough, it's OK. Chances are that it won't matter.

Best of luck to you. You really are giving your mother your best effort, and you deserve a lot of credit.
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Wow tryingmybest8, I can really relate. I take care of my 93 year old mother-in-law (lives with us in our home). She has Parkinson’s and real bad arthritis (lots of pain), widowed 6 years, and like you said, “her depression is becoming my depression.” I don’t want to let that happen, wish I could care for her without letting her depression get me down, but the emotional burden is the greatest hurdle for me. To make matters worse, my sisters in law,who live out of state, call and say lame things like “hope mom feels better soon,”. With no real appreciation of what I go through. I could go on but please know that I feel for you, you are a caring daughter. Hang in there!
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Thank you all! I know we are all going down the same road. I'm so glad I have you here to share my frustration. I am trying my best and will probably need to talk to a therapist as time goes on. I think this is a long road. Mom goes to the doctor in a couple weeks. I hope I can get some help with her pain and grief.
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I'm not sure, iDoctor, but I think people did actually list the laundry they took to the widow down the street or the Chinese laundry, so they'd be sure to get it all back. And such a list would be a hodgepodge of seemingly unrelated things: 4 pillow cases, 6 aprons, 2 baby bonnets, etc.

At least, that is what I always picture when I hear the phrase. Maybe that is just my imagination running wild. I have never personally written a laundry list! lol

````````````````````` I reacted before I read posts after iDoctor's. Seems like several of us have an interest in words. 

I was at a baby shower with large plastic baby safety pins as part of the decorations. Some of the youngest guests had no idea why safety pins are associated with babies. Those of us who washed diapers sure did! 

Do you know what/why a bell-ringer is? Why is working late called the graveyard shift? What's a Dear John letter? I think the origin of expressions is fascinating. And I don't see that it has ANYTHING to do with being politically correct.

BTW iDoctor, I did not think your post was especially critical. It was an aside to mention a pet peeve, I thought. Come back and share your opinions about caregiving (unless you really are a troll, then you can crawl back under your bridge.)
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Jeanne,
I love wierd words and phrases too.
Why not start a thread?
Why is it a baby "shower"? They don't shower anyone, let alone the baby.
( I'm showing my age here) Being fit as a fiddle?

I bought a book, Why do we say that? (I think it was.) Gav the origin of the saying and what it was supposed to mean.
Left it behind after the divorce.
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