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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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You may laugh, but as I had to move to Massachusetts and live alone with my mother, I bought myself a stuffed llama to sleep with. I missed my kitty not to mention I did have a life before this!
Does she live alone? Is she in an apartment or house? Can any family member stay with her at night. You can also hire a sitter for overnight. At 94 it would probably be better to have a family member. My mom would get scared periodically and I would stay in her room until she fell asleep. It usually only took a few minutes.
Boontz, I haven't dealt with this so I'm just offering suggestions "off the top of my head." Can you put soft furniture (in case she falls) in the room to make it appear smaller? Or can you get a recliner to put in the living room so at least her legs can be elevated?
If not, perhaps you can find a stool that can be blocked at the base so it doesn't move, but on which she can rest her feet.
She's not afraid of sleeping but of going to bed, claiming the room is too big. She sleeps in a chair in the family room despite doctor's recommendation that she goes back to bed so her legs are properly elevated to prevent swelling. Dad sleeps in own room as he has done for 20+ years.
I've heard more than once that a colic-y baby is quieted when the vacuum is running. The idea there is 'white noise', like an electric fan or the clothes dryer, or an aquarium. All those sounds are available on apps at a nominal cost. Costco has an excellent stand for the iPad, when you station it, it looks like a bitty tv. Be sure to give the patient a suggestion as you develop the ritual....this will give you pleasant dreams tonight.....this is the music you danced to in high school....this is we used for your nap today, it will help you sleep again and will turn off when the sun comes up. Power of suggestion. Power of ritual. You don't need to be member of anything to explore the Apple Apps....what you need is right there, soothing music, inspirational backdrop, white noise of an overhead fan. We can try several dozen things before using drugs that probably cause more harm than we know about. Idea sharing, like this wonderful board, helps us think. Teas, stuffed animals, milk with honey, wearing socks to bed, bedtime rituals, try these things before the drugs which may or may not work over time.
Agree that the bedrails are a potential problem as well as the potential for safety, if the rails are well made. My 96 year old dad, new to a hospital bed, started gripping on the side bars and won't let go. I was warned not to leave any table nearby, he could reach for something and tumble out, Where is the innovation? One thing to learn from all of these wonderful entries on this board....we need to try things ahead of the need, and be willing to try various things on short notice. Dr. Oliver Sachs says the part of the brain that is last to go, is the part that responds to music. It may not be music of the era for your loved one. Maybe it's classical music or music they practiced for lessons. Take a look at You Tube for not only his lectures about the mind and music, but also for many wonderful long playing sessions. I use Glenn Miller or Frank, hours at a time. There are old radio shows in abundance, would quickly help someone nod off. There are Retro Lets Make a Deal, 1950’s sports, all on You Tube. Let's try things ahead of time, before the need is critical. Oh, and for bumpers, get those pool noodles at the dollar store and cut them to fit, can go under a fitted sheet. I went in to find my dad lifting one in sequences like when he lifted barbells. About the fifth day he said....what is this? ? What with being neon pink and all. I said, it's a pool noodle and kept walking.
Glad to see this old post show up again. I had some input into the bedrail discussions but my favorite is the Mary Kathleen "Give me the Teddy Bear!!!!" story on page 5. I laugh every time I read it.
Temezapam might help, but drugs are always the last resort. It is a weak benzodiazepine that helps my mother sleep. Sometimes she asks for it. Sometimes she just goes to sleep without it.
For a parent that is 94, you really should make some allowances for her, especially when she was so used to someone being there in the bed with her for so many years. Drugs are not the solution, nor is a psychiatrist who most likely, will write a scrip for drugs. Many of those types of drugs either drop your blood pressure, or alter your thinking, alcohol reduces your heart rate as does some drugs. At 94, she really doesn't need her heart slowed down much. A lot of what you do for her really depends on how her life was lived, ie, was the husband there for all those years, was someone else, like a daughter there for many of those years, etc. For myself, I enjoyed being entwined with one of my husbands because it was the most natural feeling, but with the hairy one it was like cuddling with an electric blanket with the controls on HIGH! I went from my house to my husband's house when I was 16, which he let me know it only belonged to him, and overall, I had 5 children who wanted to sleep with me off and on for a few years. They all had to learn to sleep by themselves but sometimes, I found two of them in one bed the next morning and it was fine if he found comfort in his brother's bed when it rained and stormed all night. By the time I reached 60 I was a widow and all the kids had been on their own for may years. At first, I was afraid of the night, but I eventually got long body pillows to cuddle with and it "felt" like another person was there with me. By my 70's I was glad to be in my bed alone! I could stretch out all I wanted and take all the cover if I wanted to! What I'm saying is she will eventually get used to whatever you provide for her and I think IMO, that real soft music, a night light behind a piece of furniture so she can only see the glow, maybe the tv on softly will work. Some of the other ideas sound good, like the melatonin or chamomile tea works great. Having a twin bed in her room and laying down for awhile should be ok as long as you go back to your bed after she's asleep. Especially if you're still married, your husband should want you back in bed with him. Or, if you can afford it, hire an aide at minimum wage, to sit with her only, read to her if she's awake and wake you if there is an emergency. An 8 hour shift could be affordable especially if all the kids chip in if you or hubby has any siblings to help. Or they can take turns and stay one night each for 3 nights and pay for 2 nights. However it can be worked out will help. At 94, she's not likely to be here very much longer so try to make it as pleasant as possible. Talk to her, show her pictures of her husband and kids, places they went to, etc. make it easy dreaming before falling asleep. Good luck, GerryL.
Having worked many years with elderly people, I can only repeat what many people already suggested : get her a big stuffed animal ; try the help of a real pet dog who is willing to stay with her in bed ; use a small night lamp ; try some soft music which stops after say 30 mins or so. Another alternative is a small television, but of course then look out for a channel with non violence films or series or only talking, talking, talking. It sometimes helps if you stay in the room and read a very easy going small story as we do with our small children. They calm down and all problems in their head fade away while listening to the story. If you have really tried everything and the problems do not disappear, then I would discuss the matter with the doctor and first try medication based on plant extracts or so. But although she its 94, medication is the last solution.
Wolf I agree with you about drugs although I am not anti drug. Sometimes the side affects are just not worth it, they outweigh the benefits in some instances. I am a offended at the sbove statement that your elderly parent should sleep alone as she should. If my mother needed the comfort of another body with her, why would I punish her because she is elderly and just doesn't understand. I would make the sacrifice and sleep with my mom so she would be so afraid and confused. I know everyone has their own opinions but I just thought that was cold.
a lot of good suggestions but another one is don't just jump to giving drugs to calm/help sleep, this could create another whole issue. what if she falls due to being too groggy, I would try something more natural like melatonin or the music. and pets are nice but is she capable of taking care of them (feeding, changing litter box or letting animal out to go (and then would she remember to bring them in, is the yard fenced in so they can't get out).
I used to work nights and sleep days, then I moved to a house on a busy street where I switched to workings days. I had a fan between me and the street, the noise masked the outside sounds. You can also purchase a noisemaker that sounds like a fan without the breeze. It really helped me.
Wolflover makes a good observation. When someone's anxiety is heightened, so are noises; what once was a lilac branch brushing against the house became for me during a highly anxious time a sound of someone rummaging around in the house.
Music can mask those sounds, especially if it's soothing, calming music.
There are CDs especially for this purpose - there are some of "bathtime", waves lapping on shore, Baroque music....all very quiet and soothing. Harp and hammered dulcimer music can also have a soothing effect.
maybe a small radio playing soft music will help to mask over any sounds she might hear that might be making her fearful. I know when my hubby would have to work out of town, you DO hear every noise, but if all doors/windows locked, play some soft music, she can hold her late hubby's pillow next to her. and maybe just sit in the room with her for awhile. I do think (for my dad when home) he wanted my mom to sit with him until he fell asleep. I guess we all have a small fear of dying (when older) of being alone when it happens. Not that having someone close by is going to change anything. good luck
When my husband died after 41 years of marriage, I moved to his side of the bed so it wouldn't be empty. (The other side was near a wall.) I did have a cat who slept with me for some years as well. Meds aren't necessarily the answer either, maybe a soothing tea. My MIL's doctor gave her every sleeping med in the book and NONE of them worked. Some of them made her unable to move, but still she would have eyes wide open and moaning. He dr said that what you can face in the daytime and what you can face at might were two different things. Finally we had a daughter or DIL in the room in a recliner at night. What about soft music or nature sounds or something like that? Or even a recording of a soft voice reading something soothing.
as many persons already suggested, I can confirm that the presence of a stuffed, big animal, which she can take in her arms, could be a solution. Although I am nearly 30 years younger, and my husband passed away nearly 8 years ago, I cld not sleep properly. I then took a photograph in my arms, but is not so comfortable. Then I went to a toy shop and got myself a big stuffed panda bear. It was a revelation. The fact that I had something to take in my arms and cuddle, and I also talked to it, as if it were by husband, sleeping got enormously better. I still have it, and fortunately survived washing in the machine and also the dryer, it is still a very nice animal. Also, a night lamp - usual type - on which you put a large handkerchief gives a light, warm light, and cld be a solution. Another thing you can try, is to put some very soft music on for 30 mins. or so. Sorry to say, but many elderly people can be helped with the same things as a baby of a couple of weeks old. So I recommend to try these out, and hope she will have a nice night rest again. Big hug from Antwerp (Belgium) Nicole
Get her to the psychiatrist, who will give her Diazepam. This is not normal behavior. Or is it? Think about it...elders revert to child-like behavior. Thus, the "elder baby" doesn't want to sleep alone!
A pet sounds good but takes a lot of care and can be a tripping hazard, especially if the elder has not been used to having one. Stuffed animals or pillows are low - maintenance and can be just as cuddly! But do find out what has her concerned at night. That will lead you to the better solution.
I'm celebrating my seventh year of living in an apartment, and it's quite interesting. About sleeping alone - I had two female cats living with me in one apartment, and the two female cats later got a new brother later on in the year. One of the girl cats died; the other has a new family so I just have the boy cat now. Bailey is his name; he sleeps in my bed with me. I also have my stuffed Siamese cat in bed with me; his name is Leroy, and he has been my special friend who I have taken to bed with me for who knows how long. I also had my stuffed Bernese Mountain dog who I named Bernie; I had them all in bed with me when I first moved into my first apartment along with the two female cats. I'm young at heart, and this arrangement worked wonders for me; I sort of had the heebie jeebies at first, and I learned how to get along and I knew my rental agents were not going to bite my head off. This sleeping with your stuffed animal, who is your special friend who you take to bed with you, works wonders on a single gal like me who never married or had children
All of this talk of sleep reminds me of me. I was in my 50's and after a divorce I slept with a lot of pillows and a huge stuffed black Teddy Bear. My daughter who had been left at the alter 1 hour before the wedding moved in with me temporarily. One night the bedroom door was flung open, banging against the wall, and in a voice that reminding me of Exorcist she growled, "Give me the teddy bear!!!!", I said, "ok", and she slept with it until she got her own place. We still laugh about it. The point is pillows, teddy bears, animals, all may help. As so many have said, try to find out exactly why she is afraid. My mother in her 90's living alone, thought a planet was a police helicopter watching over the neighborhood. I never told her otherwise. Whatever works.
Sorry, but she has a husband so I don't think moving in with her Mom is fair to him. I have a baby monitor in the hall to hear Mom far enough to hear if she calls but not so I hear her snoring. Im a light sleeper.
oh yes. getting a pet might also be a great idea. but I would suggest getting an aide in addition to the pet because the pet cannot reorient the person if they wake up confused or frightened.
When I was in my early 50's my first husband died. I was afraid to be alone in the house at night. This didn't make sense, because I was alone during my husband's hospital stays, but reasoning didn't help. For a few weeks friends stayed overnight in guest room. I was happy with my dog's company, but he'd gone deaf and no longer would bark to wake me if here was an outside disturbance or someone came. Using lights on and tv on helped, and eventually I adjusted. If I'd been older and had some dementia I may never have adjusted. Hugs and good luck GerryL.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If not, perhaps you can find a stool that can be blocked at the base so it doesn't move, but on which she can rest her feet.
Music can mask those sounds, especially if it's soothing, calming music.
There are CDs especially for this purpose - there are some of "bathtime", waves lapping on shore, Baroque music....all very quiet and soothing. Harp and hammered dulcimer music can also have a soothing effect.