My Mother has lived with my husband and I for 35 years. She is advanced Alzheimers and is progressively getting worse.. She can no longer tell time. She is obsessed with eating. Meals only, refuses snacks or small meals. We have a schedule for meals. In the morning she likes her breakfast between 8 & 8:30. We have lunch at 12 and supper at 5. When she finishes supper, she goes to bed. Over the past 6 months she has lost all perspective of what time it is and when she last ate. For instance, lately she has finished breakfast (2 bowls of cereal, coffe and 4 cookies) around 8:45 am. Around 9:15, she's wanting another meal. When asked, she says she's not hungry, but "Isn't it time to eat?" She will repeat this several times until about 11:30, when I tell her to sit at the table while we fix lunch. She likes to eat a big lunch (soup, sandwich, fruit cup, cake, orange drink and coffee). Within an hour of finishing lunch, she's asking for supper. We have offered her snacks between meals, but she refuses. Wants full meals. Mother was a bigtime junk food (chocolate, potato chips, corn curls, etc) eater up until about a year ago, when she stopped all junk food. Her explanation...she doesn't want it. Mother has gotten argumentative and threatening on occasion when told it wasn't time to eat. Says things like, "I've missed 5 meals now" My husband had fixed her meals or snacks when she gets upset, but ends up throwing most of it away because she says she's full. Which she is because it's only been a short time since she ate. We don't anymore and nothing we have tried works. This is causing increased stress on us all.
When S becomes insistent about some things, I tell 'loving lies', to redirect him... 'oh thanks for reminding me, I'll get that done in a few minutes....can you help me put the laundry in the dryer?" and sometimes it is simply repition.... but I always try to involve him in my answer, i.e..... what would I do without you reminding me, or you are right, I'll get that going here in just a minute, Ok, and it helps, his is not about eating, but things like when is he going home, of course he is home, so I tell him things like I am waiting for a phone call from his daughter, she had some errands to run, but I'll let you know as soon as she calls, ect... like I said, I call them 'loving lies', how can it be wrong if you are making someone with Alz less anxious, less demanding, less bored....
And Cathyb clearly stated her mom refuses snacks, so like was said, it's not about the food, it could be about boredom, feeling anxious...it's something she REMEMBERS so it is important to her.
We didn't know we also signed on for being the entertainment with our elders, but it gives us a chance to use our brains for something besides thinking about our next nap.....or our missed nap would be more like it... so just use your imagination... and prayers for you and mom....
I've noticed that an affirmative response works better than a negative one, even when it's a 'little white lie'. Some people, when their memory is so far gone, are agitated and frustrated when attempts are made to re-orient them. Your mom needs to get a response that will make her happy for the moment ('in the moment' is all she has). You need a way to preserve your own sanity. I'd just keep trying different 'yes' responses until I hit one that accomplishes both goals.
Good luck.
p.s. I'm surprised at the amount of food your mom eats at age 98. Remarkable.
The reason I suggest that is because my mother, who doesn't have Alzheimers, can't see me without needing to either ask me for something, or becoming angry with me. They seem to be the only truly spontaneous behaviors she has left, so those are the ones she goes to. Any kind of natural daily conversation is becoming increasingly rare, and occurs only once her immediate demands are met. I commend you and your husband for trying to appease your mother, but wonder if it wouldn't make her uncomfortable in the long run to be having too many snacks. Aside from the fact that it doesn't help with the underlying problem.
I think the reality is that there's no real way to solve this, but perhaps a consistent response might help. Even if it doesn't satisfy your mother, at least you'll have a fixed answer in place. Which probably beats trying to fix full meals or snacks every hour of the day. :)
I wish you well—it's a tough job with no easy solutions.
What if she frequently asked about the tme for something else? If she asked over and over "Is it time for that quiz show that I like on tv?" or "Is it time for the mail to come now?" Wouldn't you just answer, over and over as appropriate, "No, it's not time yet, Mom. I'll let you know when it is time. Now it is time to fold the laundry. Can you help me?" The repetition is very annoying for you, I'm sure, but no real harm done, right?
When she asks, "Is it time for lunch now?" what happens if you answer, "Not quite yet, Mom. I'll tell you when it is."