She came up with the notion that two identical babies were born at the same time at the hospital; that two kids graduated at the same time at my high school; and so on. She often speaks to me about "my son Douglas" in the third person when talking to me and demands that I tell her where he is. I am now 68 years old (she's 88) and my hair is going gray, and my neck is starting to show signs of age. We live in the same place; we depend on each other. She can get very angry if I deny this notion, or if I insist that she show proof for her assertion--I could show her medical records and such, or even point out that the FBI has my fingerprints (I used to work for the post office). And this comes and goes--she will introduce me as her son Douglas to people we meet in public. I have given serious consideration to arranging conservatorship although I do not have the financial wherewithal for it.
"When you say "here" mom, tell me what you mean?"
Dougie, let me tell you a story. Years ago, my 18 month old daughter, who was very precocious of speech said to me "when I grow up, I want to have a penooter, just like Daddy's". I panicked, thinking she was asking about anatonical gender differences, and I hadn't gotten to that chapter of the parenting book yet!
My own mom was famous for making asuumptions about what we were asking about and so I slowed down and asked "Adina, when you say Penooter, what do you mean?"
"That things what's downstairs with all the buttons" (A computer!!!!! that's what she meant! Yaay).
Yes, dear child, you may have a COMPUTER just like Daddy's when you grown up (and indeed she does and followed him into his field of IT security).
Ask questions. Find out what she's thinking. Try hard not the be the enemy Dougie.
Have you watched any Teepa Snow videos? She has some great techniques for dealing with the illogical thought processes of dementia patients.
Using facts and logic and evidence aren't going to make a shred of difference to her.
Mom's reality is that she's not at home. Say "yes mom, we'll go back home in a few weeks when the new plumbing is finished". Or the roof. Or the new flooring.
If I ever get my hands on the other 2 wives named Linda, I will throttle them soundly - the lazy bums don't lift a finger to help out, hahahahahahah.
The rest of the time I am "somebody" as in, "can somebody help me?" We live alone here and have always lived alone for the full 30 years we owned this home.
I know it's difficult for you - try not to take it personally. I refused to go on Zoloft or Prozac - but recently I discovered an herb called Ashwagandha and it is really helping me to stay calm and to get a restful night's sleep, even though DH gets me up every 2 hours to help him void.
I'm praying for your sanity - I pray for mine all the time.
Huggers,
Linda
This last week, she got the notion that the time display on the microwave oven is really a cooking time for something that will cost her a whopping electric bill. And she thinks the appliance has no power cord, despite the large black cord attached at the back of the appliance at one end and plugged into a heavy-duty extension at the other end. The extension is itself plugged into a power strip, plugged into the wall outlet. She said that is not a power cord and she could cut it! I said, "If you do you'll be shaking hands with Jesus." She said, "I don't care."
Fighting with someone with dementia is like banging your head against the wall. I think banging your head against the wall would accomplish more sometimes.
No matter how many times I tell my DH that we own this house and it's been our home for 30 years, and we live alone - he is sure people are wandering through it all the time. And he still believes there are 3 of me, lol. It makes me crazy but I know he can't help it.
Maybe a lot of your trouble stems from the fact you are the son to the mother.
Ooh ooh - tell her the other Dougie pays the electric bill?
Hang in there sugar, it sure is a bumpy ride some days.
Huggers,
linda
I was worried she might go out into the street and I blocked her access to the front door--a glass sliding door. She got angry and acted like she was going to smash the door with her cane! I took the cane from her and put it on top of a tall bookcase where she couldn't get it, or even see it. I left a message for the psychiatrist about this--several days ago--and have had no answer.
Hey I'm middle aged, so I'll take being called a young girl!
I think my mother has Lewy Body but we cannot find anyone who wants to take the time to find out. It's really frustrating when you live in a small town and can't get a real diagnosis. I think that some of the medicine that doctors give might be the very worse thing a person could take if they have this type of dementia.
Whatever the doctor decides, it does sound like your mother needs a little medicinal assistance.
Have you watched any of those Teepa Snow videos we've been telling you about?