She came up with the notion that two identical babies were born at the same time at the hospital; that two kids graduated at the same time at my high school; and so on. She often speaks to me about "my son Douglas" in the third person when talking to me and demands that I tell her where he is. I am now 68 years old (she's 88) and my hair is going gray, and my neck is starting to show signs of age. We live in the same place; we depend on each other. She can get very angry if I deny this notion, or if I insist that she show proof for her assertion--I could show her medical records and such, or even point out that the FBI has my fingerprints (I used to work for the post office). And this comes and goes--she will introduce me as her son Douglas to people we meet in public. I have given serious consideration to arranging conservatorship although I do not have the financial wherewithal for it.
Not long after that my mom started having other bizarre symptoms and I found my way here looking for answers.
I wish I had known then what I know now.
Start educating yourself on dementia. Capgras Syndrome is frequently present with Lewy Bodies Dementia- you might start there. Lewy Bodies is second to Alzheimer’s in occurance.
However- putting a specific name to your mothers dementia isn’t as important as getting educated on the basics of dementia in general.
I will give you a tip. It’s what I’ve deemed The Golden Rule of Dementia:
There is no reasoning with dementia. Period.
So stop frustrating yourself by trying to get your mother to look at reasonable facts and then come to a reasonable conclusion. As others have said - it ain’t gonna happen. This tip is one that more than any other piece of information - I wish I had earlier in my joy ride through dementia with my mother. I would have purchased a helmet to use prior to banging my head against the wall.
But seriously- knowledge is your best friend right now. Do spend some time reading through this site - hey, your already ahead in the game just by finding this site this early in your own joy ride through dementia.
I wish you the very best. And buckle your seat belt!
Have you scheduled follow-up testing?
After you've looked up cabgras, I suggest you visit the Lewy Body Dementia Association website (LBDA.org) as that type of dementia includes cabgras more frequently than most. On the other hand, I don't think that LBD involves shrinkage of the brain.
This is subject matter for the experts.
By the way, does your mother have sleep disturbances? Has she lost her sense of smell? Does she have other delusions beside the duplicate sons? Does she see or hear things that aren't there? How is her memory?
What to do with capgras? The first thing is to get a medical evaluation for Mom. That may start with her PCP and may progress to a behavioral neurologist. As far as Mom is concerned this is just a routine check-up required by her insurance. Give the doctor a short write-up of your concerns. She is not likely to tell him she thinks she has duplicate sons.
While you await a medical opinion, I can tell you this for sure: You will NOT succeed in reasoning, persuading, or convincing her that you do not have a twin. Something in Mom's brain is broken, and words, logic, and reasoning is not going to fix it.
Where is my son Douglas?
He is out of town for a week.
I want to talk to my son Douglas right now!
He is on a hiking tour. I just tried to call him, but he must be in a zone with no phone reception. I'll try again later. Is there something I can help you with in the meantime?
Stop asking for proof or showing proof or using reason to try to fix this. Ain't gonna happen.
Conservatorship? What other symptoms of impaired reasoning has she shown? I think I'd wait for a medical assessment. Do you have Power of Attorney for her (both financial and medical)? That would be a good starting place.