Over the weekend my mother passed away. My grief is consuming me. Some days I can’t even get out of bed. To make matters worse, my family is completely falling apart. My older sisters are fighting about where to bury my mom and it’s getting out of control. My oldest had to call the police because how bad things got.
Most of my sisters and brothers live in the same house (I don’t live with them). 3 of them are mentally disabled so I’m worried about what effect the dysfunction is having on them. I guess I’m just looking for guidance or some advice on what to do. This situation is getting out of control and I’m really scared about where it’s headed. Nobody will agree to family counseling. They’d rather just let the dysfunction go on and choose sides.
I would go with a vote and that is where mom gets put to rest.
I am sorry for your loss, I pray that your family is given wisdom, comfort and guidance during this difficult time.
As such, is there another close family member, that you can all agree on, who can decide where your mom be buried? Perhaps all of your siblings are too close to the situation right now...and if your mom had any siblings of her own..or next family member who you all respect, then it will give you all a chance to step back and accept whatever is decided - rather than it become a power-play between sisters/siblings. Once this is taken care of, and your mom is put to rest, I hope the healing for your family will begin and you can all come together.
Sending prayers and positive energy ~
You say your sisters are fighting about where to bury your mother...did your mother have a will - did the will state what and where your mother wanted done? Is there anything in writing?
You say 3 of your siblings are mentally disabled - who was taking care of them prior to your mother's passing? If it was your mother, then her legal documents should spell out who is to step in and take over, or what is to happen in the situation. Who is appointed to handle all the legalities that are involved with the passing - notifiying government agencies, banks, utilities, insurance companies, etc? That is the person who should be making the decisions.
People will not go into counseling unless they perceive that there is something that needs to be 'fixed', and from what you are saying no one admits anything. The dysfunction, if not professionally addressed, will continue no matter what you do or say. You cannot control other people- how they are, how they think, how they act. You are only in control of yourself and how you react and how you are. Set up your boundaries - don't get sucked and participate into the ongoing nonstop drama. What will happen will happen and unfortunately, you are not in control of all your other family members and you, by yourself, will not be able to 'fix' or 'save'. I know that it might be hard to abide by this, since it is your family, but at some point you have to accept things the way they are-especially if noone else wants to fix things.
She doesn’t have any property so there isn’t much that needs to be handled legally. Thankfully my oldest sister was appointed to take over for my disabled siblings. Me and my other sister will take over if anything happens to her. We sorted that out years before my mom fell ill. The main problem is the sister who is my mom’s POA is the one who is causing most of the dysfunction. She directs the worst of her anger towards our sister who has literally been like a second mother to all of us and I just don’t understand why. She’s always been this way and because of that we haven’t spoken in years.