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Your great uncle and grandmother are using religion and their religiosity to manipulate and abuse you spiritually, emotionally and financially. I don't care how much they go to church or say the rosary, that alone does not make them holy people. True holy people do not twist things around like they have. They are known by their acts of unselfish love. They are able to be gracious for they know God is gracious which frees us from the idea that we can earn our way to heaven by how we spend our time on earth. Excuse me for preaching.
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Ah, but if they have been providing a home for this poor unwed granddaughter and her child after she dropped out of school, (and she didn't even try to find a job after all these years!) ... you can see how it can all get twisted around into them being godly and charitable and Jessy being ungrateful, can't you.
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A lot of people are very devout but don't think to apply the religious teachings to how they live their own lives. It doesn't always stop them from using their religion to manipulate other people for their own benefit, either. Remember that Marx called religion "the opium of the people." It sounds like your grandma and great-uncle are trying to press you into submission or at least acceptance based on what God supposedly wants for you. Ask why God wants you to sacrifice, but not them? Grandma gets to keep her money but still get loving full-time live-in care, and you get what? Sacrifice! And you're supposed to think that God approves of that? I don't think so!
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Yes he is, goes to church and everyday and does the rosary 3 times a day and so does she. He tells me all the time to give my problems to God and go to church. He says my problems are due to ignoring God and not putting God first. My grandma tells me, it's all what kind of life you lead. How you spend your time on earth, will determine where you go.
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Your grandmother doesn't have to help you financially. Many grandparents do what they can with that kind of help, and others just can't, or won't.

This isn't about Grandma being charitable.

This is about PAYING for services GM gets. Not "helping" you and "giving" you financial assistance. Please stop thinking that GM should be more generous. She just should pay what she owes! Generosity has nothing to do with it.

And why would your uncle exploit you like this? Is he a "holy" person, too?
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It seems that grandmother and uncle (and everyone else in the family no doubt) are somehow under the impression that THEY have been helping YOU all these years, allowing you to "sponge" off grandmother in exchange for your help. You dropped out of college so you must have been pretty young and naive when you moved in, I'd say it's long past time you grew up and started asking some hard questions about your place in the family and your future.
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They sound like selfish religious people to me and not loving holy people. You have been used. You have a child to take care of which takes priority over grandma.
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How could I been so blind!!!! I take care of her every morning. I lift her out of bed, dress her, and put her shoes on. I walk her to the kitchen and get her breakfast and pills ready. I feed her her lunch and bring her to the dining room. I wash her daily, clip her nails, tweeze her, and cut her hair. I keep her company, make sure she excerises, and give her her supper. Finally, off to bed I take her. I am so good to her, I just don't understand how she couldn't care.
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Jessy,
The going rate for live-in 24/7 help is $60,000 per year. It's complicated because you have a son, but you could make a decent wage taking care of an elderly person if your grandmother won't pay you.
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Being Holy is sure working out good for grandmother and her son, isn't it? Not so much for you, though.

Get paid, or leave! It really is that simple. Maybe you haven't seen that yourself because you've been encouraged to do the "Godly" thing. That sure turns out to be convenient for grandmother, doesn't it?
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This is not a healthy environment for your son.
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That's exactly what I heard my grandmother say to her brother! I overheard her tell him no way!! She isn't going to afford to pay taxes with no job. She didn't tell me I still be here in the house after she passes. She said No way!!!
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Ask the POA what good a house will do you if you have no income to pay for taxes and upkeep.

You needs to have a caregiver agreement, written by a lawyer and notorized , that pays you a living wage. Otherwise, you need to leave.
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Whoa wait a minute. The grand-daughter needs to go to a food bank to feed herself and her son? Something doesn't sound quite right here.
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If your grandmother has enough taxable income to make it worthwhile to take you and your son as exemptions, she's not living in poverty. If you are having to scrounge for food money and are living without health insurance, that's disgraceful. You are being exploited. They don't sound like holy people to me.
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It brings me to tears right now, knowing all the kind advice you all have been giving me. Yes I do have dreams and hope. I feel so dead and unhappy here. When I am done helping my grandma throughout the day, I go to my room depressed because of this life I am living. My grandmas brother said don't worry, you will get the house when she passes, but I never asked for it. I asked for financial help. I don't even want this freaking house. I am not that way. Seriously I am not!
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Jessy2you, I just read your latest posts. You're being used and treated terribly. Please don't waste any more time in implementing the suggestions of posters in this thread. You deserve to be happy and get on with your life.
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My son has insurance through his father who isn't in the picture. I mean I have to beg her for food money and sometimes I even have to go to food pantries for food.
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Jessy, If she is claiming you on her taxes she is using you.

Even if you have a low paying job, you will be better off. You can claim your son on your taxes and get an Earned Income Tax credit. This can be up to about $3000 if you qualify.

Get a job and move out.
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So many terrific responses here, jessy2you. I hope their words give you the strength to take control of your life.

On a separate note, make sure you take time to reflect on your new life that you're going to head to. Give yourself a needed mental and emotional health boost by dreaming of where you want to head to, a new place (or stay there and be paid for when you're not out working in the world), going back to college, how to pick up pursuing your dreams that you stopped when you took over care of your grandmother, and what wonderful things you'll do with your son when you're free.
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How do you intend to put your son through college?


What are you going to do when you can't work any longer and haven't got Social Security because you're not paying into the system?

Do you and your son have health insurance?
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She even claims me and my son on her taxes too !!! I thought this would help her too! I never thought I was being used. Perhaps she is using me. I have such a big heart. I have bend over backwards for. I thought I was doing the Godly thing taking care of her. Not to mention, they are Holy people.
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Would your mother really want you to give up your life and future security to care for grandma? I sure would not want my children to do that for me! That is my job to make sure my future is secure and I am taken care of some other way than my family.

You need to be working legitimately to save for your own retirement. That can be done with grandma with a care agreement and her as employer. You would need an elder law attorney to draft the agreement which should be grandma's expense. You would also need representation to review an offer should one come.

You first priority is to take care of you! Spoken by a daughter that cared for her mother for four years before I changed things and realised I need to protect myself.
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I'm not sure Jessy has a home to move back to, has she? An awful lot of loss in those seven years, an awful lot of ground for her to make up. And then there's her son's education she's already had to uproot once and may not want to change again. Very difficult.

I hope it won't be impossible to improve things with the grandmother's situation so that Jessy can both look back on a job well done and be ready to move on from a more secure footing when the time comes.
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Jessy, give notice to your Grandmother's son, who is the Power of Attorney, that you will be leaving on February 28th and moving back home, and that he will need to find a new caregiver for his mother. Just tell him it is not working out, and be firm about it.

It is totally unfair that you need to forfeit your own financial security for someone who HAS a financial security.

Even if your Uncle offers you pay, it won't be the same as getting pay from having a good job where you get money put into Social Security and into Medicare, plus paid sick days, possible a company 401(k) for savings, and most important paid health insurance. After 7 years, it is time for someone else to take the baton.

I know there will be a lot of grumbling, possible rows and snits. Ignore it, stick to your plan and start looking for some place new, even a cousin or friend who can take you in until you find employment and save enough to pay for an apartment.
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it is difficult to negotiate with an 89 year old POA, but that is where you need to start. You need him and your grandmother in the same room, so that you can agree with them together what help grandma needs every day and how many hours it takes to provide it. The choice is then a fairly simple one. They can a) pay you for those hours, or b) pay somebody else.

To assist them in their choice, you might also like to get together some leaflets or webpages from agencies in your area, including prices. Then uncle can see which option is more affordable, too.

I hope he's not in for too much of a shock.
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First of all, you don't need to phrase it as her "helping" you. She should be "compensating" you (or someone) for providing the care she needs. Since her brother is her POA, he is responsible for paying for help for her out of her funds. He knows she can't live alone. He needs to figure out what her options are and find help that she can afford. It shouldn't be left to you to work for free when you need an income to support your son and your self. Whether you move out or not, you need to find a paying job and let grandma's POA figure out how to get care for her while you're working.
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Get a job and move out. You are being used.

Grandma needs care. Grandma should be paying for that care. She doesn't have to because you are there.
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Grandma and her POA need to pay you or make arrangements to pay a caregiver. Give them a date to start paying you and the wage you want. If they will not agree to this, get a job and leave Grandma. You are under obligation to take care of your grandmother. You are being used by this woman.
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She doesn't want to pay anybody and says she can be left alone by herself but her doctor says she cant be by herself. I am her live in care. Oh by the way, I had a job.
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