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First and foremost you both will need to figure out who will be your Power of Attorney (and it cannot be each other, it needs to be someone significantly younger than yourself, local, competent and willing).

This would be a discussion with a certified elder law attorney (CELA). I have a form that names a legal guardian of my choosing, should the situation turn out like that (otherwise you will be court-ordered a 3rd party guardian by a judge).

You should consider transitioning yourselves into a senior community that has a continuum of care. Without family, there won't be anyone to legally be able to get you proper care so you will need to plan to move *before* you think you "need" it. This will also mean figuring out your finances to pay for such care. The reality is, without family to help, you won't be able to age-in-place in your home for long. Also, the cost of hiring out help is outrageous anymore (not to mention trying find the help in the first place).

Also consider hiring a Geriatric Care Manager for your medical needs.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Sure! It depends what you are looking for.
You don't need family members to take care of you, should the need arise.

If you have a home and some money, you can consider selling your home and moving to an assisted living apartment. You can live independently among other elders, often with communal meals and activities, along with competent nursing assistance as needed. That's pretty expensive.

If you lack the funds for such luxury, you may qualify for medicaid assistance and have options for Home and Community Based Services. I believe every state offers some variation of this.

As Gaeton pointed out, you should meet with an elder law attorney and appoint someone you trust to be your POA when you are unable to make decisions or manage your financial matters, as well as having an Authorized Medical Representative, that is, someone who can make medical decisions on your behalf if you are unable. You can also make written instructions as to what you do wish in certain conditions, such as what life-saving and life support systems you do or do not want.
A trusted friend, neighbor, or a young person who is like a son or daughter to you is an ideal choice. Although, you can find a professional to fill that role, such as an accountant or attorney to manage legal and financial matters on your behalf.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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SadBigSister Dec 6, 2024
We just had our Wills and Trusts updated and since we are also elder orphans have designated the attorney as our executor for the "last one standing." We have each other as the primary executor and health care proxy but one of us will go before the other unless there is a car accident. Of course, they charge for this - clearing out a home, making arrangements for cremation etc.
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Please plan your future now. I will be also since I have no children or close relatives. The court will appoint a Guardianship to someone, but I would start thinking about downsizing and moving to a an apartment for seniors. Have an Estate Plan drawn up by an Elder Care Attorney. Good for you to think about this now!
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Reply to Onlychild2024
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I sure understand your concerns - im not even married! totally on my own so - I have an elder lawyer who drew up a will. I will do a trust a bit later to make sure no one can fight with my will/decisions but it costs about 3k. Get a hold of your states "office on aging" and they'll have lots of help available. a place for mom is good with videos/info and help you think about assisted living in later years - I'm definitely doing that in a resort style community in Washington or California. And AARP is really a WONDERFUL resource! I've been getting the magazine for 15 years (now almost 65) and it's a really good read with tips you would have never thought of. I never would have been as prepared as I am without AARP. also strongly consider your place of residence. some states definitely give elderly folks marvelous care whereas other states will let you "slide." With the political divide I'm moving!!!! Start with your states office on aging and they'll send you lots of stuff to go through right away. Good luck!!
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Reply to YoungGeezer
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lealonnie1 Dec 6, 2024
Like the "marvelous care" N.Y. and Cuomo gave elders with covid who were sent to nursing homes, you mean? That kind of political divide?
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Hi everyone,

I’m 72 and also an elder orphan, so I understand how overwhelming it can feel to figure all of this out on your own. These resources have been helpful to me, and I hope they can be useful to you, too.

1. Eldercare Locator
The Eldercare Locator is a free national resource connecting older adults with services in their area. Whether you need help finding an elder care attorney, caregiver services, housing options, or other supports, they can point you in the right direction.
Website: www.eldercare.acl.gov
Phone: (800) 677-1116

2. National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (NAELA) is a great resource. They have a directory of lawyers that specialize in issues like estate planning, Medicaid, and long term care.
Website: www.naela.org

3. Area Agencies on Aging (AAAs)
Your local Area Agency on Aging can provide referrals for services like transportation, meal delivery, home modifications, and legal assistance. The Elder Care Locator can help you find your local AAA.

4. BenefitsCheckUp
This tool from the National Council on Aging helps older adults find out which benefits they qualify for, including help with healthcare, housing, and food.
Website: www.benefitscheck-up.org

5. Legal Aid and Senior Legal Hotlines
Many states have free legal aid programs and senior legal hotlines to help older adults with basic legal needs. You can search for these through your state’s bar association or ask your local Area Agency on Aging for guidance.

I hope this helps. We’re not alone, and there are many resources available to support us as we navigate aging without family nearby.
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Reply to HaveYourBack
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Your County Office of Aging can help you find resourses that are in the County you live. They will come and evaluate your situation.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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kenmtb Dec 5, 2024
May be a good idea in some areas but my locao OFA is good at directing you to voice mail ghosting and directing you to links and publications 🤨
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What type of resources are you looking for?
Your local Senior Service Center might have programs that could help you if you need help. they probably are looking for Volunteers is you are looking for something to do.
But a bit more info might help get you some better answers.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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shoegal00: Your town's Council on Aging should be a good starting point. My mother benefited greatly from her's. She was a legally blind woman living alone till the age of 94 when I had to move in with her from out of state only because her blood pressure plummeted.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Shoegal100: Same as you, I too am an "elder orphan" but without the blessing of having one soul at my side. I was advised by an organization to find an elder law lawyer, and wonder if you might not want to try it? I'm in the middle of trying to find one near me though it's difficult and time consuming :). If you are familiar with the elder law and already have an elder law law lawyer with whom you both are very happy, would you kindly send me her/his contact please?
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Reply to Albapisar
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Like Grandma, I am uncertain what you are looking for?
Help?
Companions?
Hope you will give us details so we can respond.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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