My 68 year old mother got sent to the mental hospital for involuntary treatment on Friday. (Backstory my father died last jan, she was sent involuntary in July and again now April) she had gone to the ER for medication concern after she had had a week long episode of confusion, hallucinations, paranoia and was forgetting things. She called her psychiatrist 25 times one day and didnt remember doing so. She called EMS 12 times one day stating she was concerned she was overdosing on Klonopin. She called my brother saying she was scared she was going to walk out into oncoming highway traffic. They said she wasnt and told her to call her primary. We begged for their help but they couldnt do anything. Her doctors said one point of this "hold" was to get her medication back on track because she was likely not taking them correctly leading to this break and 2. They want to do scans to see of its dementia or neuro related. They told my brother she needs assisted living but she is 100000X against that and wants to go home. Talking to her breaks my heart because she is scared confused and even saying she is going to die in there. Evaluation is supposed to be done today. What do we do if she refuses to go to assisted living even though doctors said she needs to. I have no idea whats happening to her but its rapidly becoming more frequent and we live 3 and 6 hours away from her. Feel free to ask follow up questions. No one i know has ever dealt with a mentally ill aging parent. Now that my dads gone I am finding out how bad she really is.
"UPDATE: scans show frontotemporal dementia. We have been told we need to find a facility and she cant go home. My heart is broken. All she is asking is if i will still let her see my daughters. 😭"
First, can she afford a facility? Is she at risk to run away from it? Then you may need to consider another arrangement. Is anyone her PoA? If she doesn't have a PoA or legal guardian then no one will be able to force her into a facility, is she can afford it. It may transpire that the county will refer her case to a judge who can assign a 3rd party guardian and then all her needs will be met.
FYI please search on this forum: there are *plenty* of people who have dealt with mentally ill parents here.
Does she drink wine? My friend’s MIL was drinking wine and taking ambien and forgetting about it so she would drink more wine and take more ambien. She was taking like 8 ambien a night and getting drunk which she didn’t know about because of the ambien.
She ended up in rehab to get detoxed off both. She was so embarrassed and yes, this was after her husband died.
First evaluation revealed the doctor thinks she has undiagnosed bi polar disorder. Which makes sense since its genetic and my grandmother had it. She even had shock therapy. 😵💫 he is still proceeding with dementia brain scans and testing as he doesnt have answers for her short term memory loss. Im assuming she will be there a bit. He said he is still mixing up and changing her meds to find the right combination.
Please do read Never Simple.
Is one of you the POA for your mother?
She may require Guardianship and placement.
Often a social worker can call a judge (dependent on state) and get temporary guardianship.
Placement directly from hospital to care would be so much preferrable from trying to do it in home. Be certain the hospital has the psychiatric records.
Much depends here on diagnosis:
If this is mental illness (your mom is only 68, young by today's standards) no judge will allow anyone to make decisions for her and she will be released stabilized, whether that remains the case of not. And she will likely have a repeat performance of this.
If she has dementia one of you can be guardian with the other serving as second, and placement will be necessary. A big job as it will mean management of money and of care, and the need for meticulous record keeping.
I highly recommend Liz Scheier's excellent memoir, Never Simple, about her attempts to help her own mother who was mentally ill. She tried to help for decades along with the city and state of New York's social services, all to no avail. BarbBrooklyn and I recommend this book all the time.
I am just so sorry. I wish you luck. I am glad you and brother have one another. Consider seeing an elder law attorney for advice. If Mom is released be ready to call APS for help.
She may need more care than assisted living can provide, so wait to see what her doctors recommend before assuming anything. Her medical team and social workers will advise you. They see this sort of thing all the time; it's their job. Trust the professionals.
Don't think for a minute that she should go home or live with you or other family. At a time like this, it can be difficult to resist her pleas. She shouldn't be making her own decisions because she's too sick to know what's best for her. Family would not have the skills to take care of her at her home or in your own houses.
I hope her medical team will find meds that help. They should come up with a long-term care plan, and that will give you direction. Again, please don't think you can do it yourself. I'll spare you the complete stories, but I personally know some elderly mental illness cases, one in which family insisted on bringing mama home "because we can't stand seeing her unhappy and she wants to see NoName, who will only be in town for the weekend." Their guilt over what happened next will be with them forever.
I hope you find the right care for your mother, and please keep us posted.